1 March 2011

Britain through the looking glass

Cameron explaining the lay of the ground to what's left of the Army.

Everything's gone crazy. David Cameron is making noises about invading Libya to liberate the oppressed masses and bring freedom to the galaxy. He's taking the piss. The British military no longer exists. We're a part of the EU military, but our contribution is essentially our reputation only.

We're reigning world war champions, but Ashley Cole has more guns than our Army and as we've sunk our Navy and grounded our Air Force who exactly are we going to send to Libya? Who will enforce this no-fly zone?

In truth that's all this amounts to ..just noise. We're pretending to be a proper nation with proper influence on the world stage, but I think to even the most politically comatose in this country it's clear now that we're finished as a going concern. Great Britain is no more. We have sold up and sold out. Fini as they say in Brussels.

There are of course still an astonishing number of people in this country who still believe we're a proper nation. People who still get enthusiastic about elections and vote and get all indignant about those who don't. People who think it's out duty to spread our form of Governance around the world so all the oppressed peoples in Africa and the Middle east and Asia can live just like us.

We should be so fortunate. I'd rather live like them. At least they know they're oppressed. At least they know they're opinions don't count. I least they know who to over-throw when they simply can't take any more of it. You can't throw petrol bombs at the EU. You can't hang the EU from a tree and throw your shoes at it. And you can't replace it with a nicer more benevolent EU. The peoples' EU. It's faceless. It's an enormous intangible suffocating totalitarian monstrosity that can only be defeated by either not caring or by becoming a part of it.

* * *

In other more bizarre news, Ashley Cole has shot someone at Chelsea's training ground and won't even miss a single game. He shot someone! He took his gun into work and shot an office boy in the arse.

What was Ashley's thinking process that morning when he came up with the idea of taking his air rifle to training?

Sat there eating his cereal in his empty mansion, he lifts his spoon to his mouth, pauses, puts his spoon back in the bowl.."I've got an idea....I think I'll take my gun to work today it'll be fucking brilliant, I can't think of a single unfortunate consequence of doing this."

In what other place of business can one bring such a weapon to work, shoot a co-worker and not face any disciplinary action at all let alone lose your job? Most people would go to jail. Because he shot a kid instead of someone important this has barely been mentioned by anyone.

What if he'd have shot Fernando Torres in the knee cap? Chelsea's £50m new signing has his season ended by Ashley Cole firing his gun indiscriminately around the dressing room populated by about £250m worth of footballers and Chelsea fail to qualify for the Champions League. Simply because he is completely incapable of considering the consequences of any of his actions.

When it's only an office boy does it have to be a real gun before it's a big deal? If anyone needs shooting it's Ashley Cole, everything's inside out and back to front in the world.

When people talked about there being two kinds of people in the world; the haves and the have-nots, it used to be that you wanted to be one of the haves. Not any more. The haves are people who have to worry about the consequences of their actions and the have-nots are the people who don't.

There's got to be something fundamentally wrong with this reality when someone like Ashley Cole is a have not-er and I remain a have-er. I want to be able to not care too. I can't stand it.

Now I know how Charlie Brown feels.

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