Italian abandons sinking ship!

Abandoned at Birth

Captain Francesco Schettino

Fabio Capello

We can see you sneaking out

Harry Redknapp in films..

Escape from Alcatraz

The Shawshank Redemption

The Great Escape

Escape to Victory

Scum

Is this fair?

Obviously we here at the blog care very deeply about the suffering and hardship of anyone associated with Tottenham. But we also care about a fair system of jurisprudence.

As I understand it at Harry's trial eight of the jury members are men. The judge has appealed to them to set aside their football allegiances when coming to their decision and he probably told the women some stuff too...but anyway, if those eight blokes are Arsenal fans or Chelsea fans or West Ham fans, he's fucked isn't he.

Should the man go to jail simply because he was manager of Tottenham even if he is not guilty? Do we really want to live in a country where that can happen. And do think before you answer, as this is serious.

Yes, I do too.

Manchester: A City United in defeat

Fentoooooon!!

I know this is old now but I want it on my blog for posterity. What a brilliant name Fenton is for a dog. Originally it was thought the dog's name was Benton, but the bloke is quite posh it seems and Fenton sounds much posher. Benton is a Rottweiller's name or a Pit Bull.

If you haven't seen this yet or don't know anything about it, this is a man caught on video shouting "Jesus Christ" many times trying desperately to retrieve his labrador on Richmond Park who he had let off the lead but went tearing after a herd of wild deer.

Will we ever find out if the man got Fenton back?

When will they learn?

Premier League footballers; when sneaking around behind your girlfriends' back fixing to play nice with wannabe porn stars, don't text her your number on Twitter. Private messages are very rarely private.

Although I have kept his number in the interests of being able to call him a cunt next time he lets an easy goal in, in the interests of sparing our legendary goalkeeper's blushes I have redacted his number here, but of course not everyone will be understanding.

He really must stop trying to shag awful chavs who spell literally "litrally" (see her profile) and adopt a porn star name to further her career. I'm going 10/1 her name is really Letesha.

Tweet of the day

Funny, depressing but true.

From http://niklowe.blogspot.com: How do you tell a British police officer from an Australian or American police officer?

Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

British Police Officer's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he asian or black or a muslim?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 999?
If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? ..
If I shoot him, and lose the court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home? Or prosecute me for racial abuse.

Australian Officer's Answer: BANG!

American Officer's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click'....
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?'

I'm not having it!

Cameron and Clegg being made to look like twats by, I suspect,
a proper Conservative getting his own back.

We here at the blog do enjoy any moments of discomfort for David Cameron. In truth we only really get out of bed of an afternoon in the hope that he has contrived to impale himself on a rusty spike with no one at hand to offer assistance.

Today's example is less excruciating than the holy grail of his bleeding to death, but fun nonetheless. And curious too as there is in fact no evidence to support the claim that sleeves encourage the spread of bacteria. Thus, me thinks this Consultant is merely using his position to make Cameron and Clegg look like cunts. Fantastic stuff. Well played sir.

Doctor's stopped wearing white coats because of the risk of infection from filthy sleeving, but according to my research it's all bollocks. More patients have come to harm as a consequence of random punters in shirt and tie - sans white coat - draping a stethoscope around their necks and pretending to be a doctor and dishing out medicinal beatings behind curtains to unsuspecting patients, than have ever suffered from infections from dirty sleeves. Still, you've got to laugh.

Think we're Percy Thrower do we sir?

"Waargh Dangit, I know maaa raaaghts"

A national treasure

This is absolutely priceless from the Independent. Ninety of the Duke of Edinburgh's best gaffe's. I very nearly shit and pissed myself laughing at these. My favourites are number 3 and 14 Gawd bless you sir.

We protect those in the public eye from unwarranted intrusion..

Unless you're Ryan Giggs

*My favourite of all these injunctions is of a famous ex-childrens TV present who was photographed crying while wanking on someone's grave! Like something out of a Phillip Roth novel. It's a funny old world to be sure.


One more word on this injunctions business and then I must go out and buy some marshmallows. This whole business of privacy pertains to ones private life no? But surely "private life" in the case of Giggsy refers to his wife and children.

Once he goes outside in public and starts giving arbitrary Welsh strumpets six of the best in the dark corners of night clubs that is surely very much his public life. We're often told how these people are role models. What if a small child walked past as he was humping Ms Thomas in an alleyway?

His image of his hero, like Giggsy himself, would be blown to bits. I've emailed in to the legal system and to God and cc'd Barack Obama and bcc'd Keith Chegwin (for no reason) and reminded them, once you fuck around with people - dead or alive - you aren't married to, you're fair game to appear in the Sunday papers, now stop being silly, that's what I always say.

The rat's out of the bag

And what you are is a lying cheating Welsh bint shagger according to John Hemming MP. I am of course paraphrasing.

Bless her

I promised Kathryn Brown I wouldn't reveal her identity so these
texts were just with someone I know earlier, let's call her CTB.

The dangers of paying lip service to your urchins

I've waited all day to tell you my funny chlamydia story, but I've waited so long it doesn't really seem that funny anymore, but I'll tell you anyway and then I really must go as I've got a steak and kidney pie cooking.

So this morning I had to visit my GP surgery to have my eyes screened which made my pupils go all big and cartoony. But even funnier than that;

While I was in the waiting room a lady with her son who was roughly five of your Earth years old approached the reception desk and began chatting with the receptionist.

At this time her son then reached up and took a card from a rack that was on the reception counter top and handed it to his mother.

It was an information card about Chlamydia! At this point I began giggling. The lady however simply took the card and trousered it, thanked her son and carried on chatting with the receptionist.

Brazen much!?

Apparently this woman was not bothered that her son had just outed her as a grubby cocksmith. Either that or she just didn't read what was written on the card.

I prefer the latter explanation as the consequences are far reaching and funnier. It'll be many hours before the full horror of the exchange will become apparent to her and there's also the possibility that her husband will discover the card before she does if he's nosy and rifles through her pockets regularly.

Explain that one away you mucky biaatch. Er..dear have you been enjoying miscellaneous cock while I've been away on business? No? Why do you have an information card on how to cope with an itchy puss filled minge then?

FUN!

Suicidal Elmo

Top Trumps

Amusing Japanesers

Girl turns to the dark side

This is the most beautiful devotion to evil I have ever seen.

Mario Balotelli can't dress himself

Does little ginger bloke feed him too and take him to big boys potty?