La boca de la cueva: News

Showing posts with label News. Show all posts

6 March 2012

A plane has plummeted towards the sea causing panic

From what one can make out from the headline and sub-head and caption and first paragraph of the this article on the Guardian website it looks like a plane has plummeted towards the sea and caused panic amongst the Air France plane who thought they were going to die.

It's hard to make out what this story is about from the headline and the sub-headline and the photograph caption and the first paragraph of this story. But I think a plane has plummeted towards the sea causing panic amongst the passengers.

28 January 2012

Anton Ferdinand unhurt by bullet sent in post

Anton's Postman yesterday.

Anton Ferdinand has apparently escaped unscathed after receiving a bullet in the second class post. The round was sent by what police assume to be a racist Chelsea fan (as opposed what other kind of Chelsea fan I'm not sure) last Saturday, reaching the QPR defender late Tuesday afternoon.

Personally I think it's much more likely to have been sent by a disgruntled QPR fan who has to watch his team's defence let in five or six goals every saturday afternoon, but let's not navel-gaze..

Now I'm no assassin, but if I wanted someone dead I'd fire a bullet at them with a gun, I wouldn't send it to them in the mail. By sending this cartridge by second class post the sender has chosen to deliver it in the absolute slowest and least lethal means possible.

Indeed, throwing the bullet at Ferdinand from the terraces would have more success at causing an injury. But by mailing it it will have slipped into the palm of his hand from the envelope at a speed of approximately 3mph.

It's pathetic. I really weep for the future of London's gangsters. Whatever happened to the helcyon days of gunning people down in the street outside pubs with sinister sounding names. Ronnie and Reggie will be turning in their graves.

A street outside a pub where people should

be gunned down properly, yesterday

28 November 2011

Stupid newspapers

I hate hate hate the mainstream meeja in this country. Why can't they just report the facts of a story at least once per year? No, everything has to be misquoted, out of context or simply made up.

This of course is because there's no investigative journalism anymore, just merely churnalism - regurgitating quotes - whether there's any truth in them or not.

This Judge Bean dude for example was supposed to have let a feral youth, who had sworn at police, off a £50 fine for his breaching section 5 of the public order act - essentially suggesting according to the newspapers - that it is OK to swear at the police as they hear bad language all the time.

Wrrrrrooooooooong.

Even the Police head cheeses haven't bothered to check the facts of the case. Neither did Boris Johnson, but he's mad.

Here's what happened right. A dude was arrested and gave the police a mouthful of verbals. He was fined £50 for a breach of section 5 of the public order act, which is something like harassing, alarming or distressing people with naughty words and making angry faces.

However, in order for someone to be charged with this offence, the witnesses - in this case the police - have to actually state that they felt harassed, alarmed or distressed. They didn't. They didn't because the prosecutor, who I imagine works in a call centre now, forgot to ask them. D'oh!

It's not enough that the feral youth just said the naughty words - they have to have caused harassment, alarm or distress and it needs to have been recorded that caused these things. Otherwise you could get arrested for merely saying the F word.

The prosecutor didn't bother to ask the police if they felt threatened because he was assuming they had and this is what the Judge's judgement was referring to. He was saying the court can't just assume the police felt harassed because they hear language like that all the time in their line of work and if a policeman swooned or fainted every time they heard the F word there'd be no police force.

There has to be clear evidence of harassment and there wasn't here as it wasn't recorded, so no case. Bad prosecutor, bad reporting, good Judge.

27 November 2011

Weird business

Very sad about Gary Speed. Even sadder, any compassionate feelings I may have had were immediately crushed by the cynic in me which wondered what sort of scandal he must have been involved in to do something like that out of the clear blue sky?

I'm gonna have a few quid on a tabloid preparing to out him as a whoopsie. Although I shall confess my initial suspicions involved the kind of thing where by computrons are removed for examination.

Not sure what kind of a person this makes me that I haven't been able to summon up even an ounce of sympathy. Probably best not to ask. It's a cracking world we live in.

4 November 2011

Friday funnies

Hoorah! It's Friday and while that means nothing to me as time is all but irrelevant as far as I'm concerned, I know for many of my loyal readers it represents sanctity from the soul destroying relentless grind of the working week.

So to kick the weekend off on a high let's enjoy a collection of the Daily Mail's heart warming images of elderly people looking worried half to death about the increasing cost of heating their homes, or being abused in various different settings including NHS hospitals, care homes and out in the street.

Here we see an old crone contemplating topping herself
so she won't be a bother to her family any more.

This sour old bag is shown here all alone in a retirement home
while her carers watch X-Factor in the staff common room.

Here a defenseless old biddy is subjected to a prolonged verbal assault by some feral youths, which also involved pointing. The photographer arrived just as it was beginning, but didn't intervene as he was unsure who started it.

This mad old coffin dodger gives herself over to the trance inducing fuzzy abandonment of Chlorpomazine.

A knackered old octogenarian turns herself onto her side as she
wonders how much longer she'll have to sit in a pile of her own faeces.

This lady is actually being spoon fed the waste from her own urine catheter! A classic
old joke all new med students are obliged to carry out when they begin their ward training.

Hilariously this senile old duffer refuses to let her own daughter into her home believing her to be a German spy as the paranoia brought on by her continued use of controversial dementia medication overwhelms her.

3 October 2011

Daily Mail in making it up shocker

The Daily Mail jumped the gun a bit tonight in the confusion and just decided Amanda Knox was guilty and even went so far as to make up some quotes from the prosecution.

Apparently they're now on suicide watch. Even for the Mail this is an incredible amount of bullshit.

30 September 2011

Keeping and reading blogs increases cancer risk

24 September 2011

Boys will be boys

The thing is with these cage fighting children, if they weren't in that cage they'd be in an alley way somewhere in the north and how would we be able to watch it then? You'd have to be local wouldn't you. You'd have maybe twenty people there max. That's not even enough people to warrant a refreshment's van.

Kids have got to be given the latitude to be kids and to police themselves. To settle their own scores. It's playground rules. Just sometimes they need a bit encouraging. But a few CC's of steroids, a baying crowd of low IQ blokes, and a diet of twenty bottles of lucozade and fifteen mars bars a day never hurt anyone.

What annoys me is the people who are up in arms about these contests, outraged by their immorality, are the same people who voted for Jedward when they clearly were less talented the Krankies.

It wasn't just Jedward who will suffer long term emotional damage from their rise to fame. Everyone will suffer. At least with these wrestling children what happens in the ring stays in the ring. Er...so to speak.

So unless you want Jedward in that ring throwing about bitch slaps and bursting into tears half way through round one, or in fact two eight year olds from Doncaster performing on XFactor, just leave it alone. Let it go. LET IT GO.

20 July 2011

What's that man's name James?

"Is it a crime to want nice things and then to steal them from the public"

The one saving grace about leftie sandal wearing hummus eating communists is that they are so fundamentally incompetent and consequently every one of their grandiose schemes is doomed to failure from the outset and the grander the plan the more humiliating the failure.

The Soviet Union, for example, really had the capitalist west on the run for a while, but because their ideology was so monumentally stupid it ended in failure with the Berlin wall being hauled down and the humiliation of a string of rock ballads sung by David Hasselhoff.

The recent leftie witch hunt of Rupert Murdoch descended into farce also yesterday as weeks of coordinated smearing from the BBC and the Guardian which had seen the News of the World shuttered and Rupert Murdoch's bid for the remaining shares of BSkyB postponed, was forgotten in an instant when a middle aged, sandal wearing, virgin with an appalling comb over saw fit to launch a unilateral strike against Murdoch senior.

He may have thought his Tiswas style flan flinging hit on octogenarian Murdoch was a fitting and commensurate protest at the seriousness of this entire scandal; people in the sane world however wondered what the fuck the scruffy cunt was playing at and immediately felt a bit sorry for Murdoch.

It wasn't even a successful strike as Murdoch's wife stepped in to give the protester, who has yet to see a grown woman naked, a sound pasting while the police stood at the back preparing a risk assessment.

As this witch hunt descends into farce and in-fighting, the attention of the nation might finally turn to the real news of the continuing violent collapse of the Euro-zone - typical of the manner all of these Heath Robinson projects of social-economic engineering eventually conclude.

There is of course no consolation unfortunately in watching the hopes and dreams of a handful of greedy, sexually deviant, square head and frog politicians who were the architects of the European project go up in smoke.

These hair brained schemes, like communism and China's great leap forward, tend to take millions of lives with them when they eventual collapse under the shear weight of what a bollocks idea there were in the first place. And that means us. We're doomed.

It's just a matter of time before bread costs £250,000 a loaf and then it's beans and cricket gloves and American football pad outfits for us all people. Good luck everyone.

19 July 2011

So long farewell

18 July 2011

Enough

Apparently tomorrow everyone who has ever read or worked for the News of the World will either resign or be found dead in suspicious circumstances finally putting an end to what has become quite a tedious affair.

Meanwhile, the entire global economy continues to collapse and the few people who have the good sense to look beyond the navel-gazing nonsense of British newspapers will continue to hoard tinned goods, blankets and water for when the lights go out and chaos ensues.

Good luck everyone.

17 July 2011

Boring

The Enterprise right, has battles with the Borg and the Cardassians and the Romulans and everything, so it's really a war ship rather than a ship of exploration and other bollocks...but it's also got an arboretum, a theatre, a crèche, a dance studio, holodecks, a gymnasium and a wine bar.

I don't think the Romulans have got so much as a cinema on any of their war birds and they're about twice as big as the Enterprise. Did the writers get the scripts for Star Trek: The next generation mixed up with another show about a cruise ship?

Is there a show in some dusty library somewhere that didn't make it onto TV about a luxury cruise liner armed with nuclear weapons with minimal comforts for crew and passengers and only a ping pong table and a pack of 51 cards to keep everyone amused?

And how big is the Enterprise? How can everyone have such spacious quarters? Traditionally, naval Captains don't have room for a snooker table in their cabins. They're like suites at the Waldorf Astoria only better.

I only mention this because it's more interesting than anything else anyone is talking about. I can't wait until all the newspapers have been banned and we've all been brainwashed, dressed up in blue boiler suites and fed Quorn burgers every meal.

I've been chatting with my man in Westminster this morning and he assures me that in fact Rupert Murdoch's appearance before the nonsense select committee on Tuesday is not actually a water shed moment in human history.

It's actually of little to no consequence. But people who exist only within one square mile of the Palace of Westminster are incapable of appreciating how indifferent everyone else is to this now.

I'll get excited by an inquiry that has a very real possibility of ending with various politicians being hanged by the necks until they be dead dead dead but until then I'll continue to ponder how the Enterprise manages so easily to ignore the laws of geometry when everyone knows only Dr Who is allowed to do this.

A typically bored couple of bored people being bored by boring
obsessive lefties who are losing the battle to convince bored
Britain that phone hacking by tabloids has not become boring

Fox News

Only Fox news could figure out a way of making the News of the World the victim of their own hacking. This is brazen genius. How can you not respect it? From now on I know only what I hear on Fox News, their world is awesome. It's like Wonka land for news.

13 July 2011

Couldn't destroy a pork pie, of the day

Gordon Brown was so furious, so upset, so traumatised by the Sun revealing his son had Cystic Fibrosis that he subsequently attended Rebekah Brooks' wedding, her birthday party and hosted a sleepover for their kids at Chequers.

Furious he was. Furious. And at no point did it occur to him that as the nation hated him for being an emotionless monster, he might actually benefit from this story as he might appear more human and win some sympathy.

It would be incredibly cynical to suggest he continued to whore out his dignity to News International after the Sun's revelations about his son as he assumed he would win the paper's support at the next general election when he would be the Prime Minister and it was worth it in the long run.

An assumption that proved to be bollocks anyway as they ditched him in favour of Cameron on the day of his big conference speech. After which Brown then warned the Sun he would "destroy them." Which I assume he's attempting to do now. Only he's so incompetent in everything he does he's actually helping them recover as everyone hates him more than Murdoch.

Twat.

11 July 2011

Eye spy with my bad eye

What in the name of Sam Hill is going on? Has everyone lost their long term memory? How are Labour politicians and sexually violent drug addict celebrities being allowed to appear on TV one after the other to express their outrage at the conduct of Murdoch's snooping Newspapers?

I can understand people don't like Rupert Murdoch's tabloid newspapers. But seriously, can people not see that this whole Guardian driven Murdoch witch hunt has nothing to do with phone hacking?

Can outraged twitterers not appreciate how unhealthy a newspaper industry in this country would be if it only had a liberal voice? Even the leftiest lefty can't surely believe that would be a healthy state of affairs, to have no branch of the media questioning the Government's actions?

* * *

How does Gordon Brown have the front to complain about his private life being invaded when as Prime Minister he was consumed by the need to control everything and everyone in the country. If Brown had had his way we'd all have been catalogued on various databses, anyone coming within twenty metres of an under-18 would be vetted and placed on any number of registers. IN Browns Britain we were all guilty until we proved our innocence. Not to mention the 2011 Census, the most invasive ever, which asked who we had staying with us on a specific night, and indirectly which team we bat for.

The ID card scheme dreamed up by Labour would have had our whole lives detailed on a chip that any spotty hacker could gain have gained access to and we wouldn't be able to so much as sneeze without someone knowing about it.

Regardless of this, Gordon Brown feels justified in his complaint simply because the Sun abandoned him prior to the last election. Has did John Prescott who of course was caught by the News of the World fucking his secretary in his office while his wife was at home cooking his pie dinner.

Alastair Campbell also felt he was within his rights to complain about the lack of tabloid journalistic integrity despite manufacturing with Tony Blair a reason to go to war in Iraq and cozied up to the Murdoch papers himself. Cunts.

Steve Coogan who has taken millions of pounds from Rupert Murdoch to star in his films didn't feel at all hypocritical in his crazy eyed rambling diatribe against the News of the World on Newsnight last week simply because they exposed his infidelity, drug taking and his extremely creepy sexual fetishes.

Hugh Grant also was suffering from an incredible bout of selective amnesia on Question Time last week, again delivering a pious sermon about morals despite cheating on Liz Hurley by asking a Prostitute to suck his cock on a freeway in Los Angeles in 1995.

They're of course only allowed to get away with this because they and the news media they appeared on are all singing from the same lefty sandal wearing song sheet. They're allowed to rant and rave about this without any sense of irony or cross examination because it's all just one gigantic sickening hummus fueled right bashing leftyfest.

This is all well and good, but this triumphalism will only end in tears. The only people that can possibly benefit from having a media that is nothing more than a mouthpiece for the Government are the Government. If Guardian readers think the politicians care about them, they're even more naive than I thought they were.

Without a free left and right leaning media our MPs will be free to dismiss our concerns, ignore their responsibilities to us and tie each other up with duct-tape, insert fruit into each others arses and whip each other in sickening S&M evenings in the Palace of Westminster while they cede power to the EU who will see us all eating each others children by the end of the decade.

Which in fact, is what has happened. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's every man for himself people. Good luck.

Ciao Italy

Italy on the brink of financial ruin in part because most
Italian adult males spend their time scooting about on Vespas
shouting 'ciao' at women instead of working and paying taxes

As we speak Italy's economy and ability to govern itself is disappearing faster than my chips in the first three or four hands of a typical Pigeons poker game. Meanwhile the media in this country prefers to ignore this and continues to squabble with itself about power under the guise of matters of ethics and scruples.

The twenty or thirty sandal wearing Guardian readers who still buy the paper remain upright atop their high horses mistaken in their belief that this whole "hacking" broo-haha is about protecting the privacy of the average hummus eater on the street and the moral standards of journalism (a contradiction in terms no?) and not stopping Rupert Murdoch from holding the lefty sandal wearing media consensus to account with right leaning TV news channel.

I do not understand the tangled web of banking miscegenations that have caused us all to teeter on the brink of an economic abyss that will see us all living in ruinous villages dressed in rags and cricket gloves and American football shoulder pads like in Mad Max. A world where petrol is worth more than gold and little children are eaten when there's nothing else in.

What I do know is, that we're doomed. From reading Tim Hardford's book "Adapt" I was able to appreciate that we're fucked. The problem here is how closely the world's banks are coupled together like train carriages.

When one goes off the rails they all do, because the links between them are not loose enough or far apart enough for the other carriages to uncouple themselves in time before they're carried off into a ditch too and everyone is riding on this train.

If Italy goes the way of Greece, which is now inevitable, then the moment when we all have to contemplate eating each other to stay alive, like that Argentine rugby team who crashed in the Andes had to do, looms ever larger.

According to an old man dressed like a wizard who was shouting incoherently at people in the street a few nights ago near my house, the only thing that can prevent a European and subsequent global financial meltdown because of a tiny bunch of greedy bastard EU obsessed politicians, is another war. It's like wiping everything clear and starting again.

We've been warning against this on the blog for some time now but as each European nation folds in on itself and war becomes an increasingly obvious inevitability, out media buries its head deeper and deeper in the sand preferring instead to focus on nasty old Rupert Murdoch and the crusade to prevent him owning 100% of a company he already really owns anyway.

It's every man for himself people. I suggest you all stock up on beans, water, boards games and cricket gloves. You're going to need them. Good luck everyone.

10 July 2011

Quote of the day

"Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter." -- Thomas Jefferson

9 July 2011

Be careful what you wish for

I'm glad it's Saturday. I've become exhausted from waving my fist at leftie sandal wearing hummus eaters all week. There's less high-horse crusading at the weekends from them. They're all out with their children - who have names like Xenon and Chaos - on grassy hills playing the guitar and harnessing love.

These people have had my dander up for almost the whole week. They're worse I think than religious types with their intolerance of non-sandal wearing love harnesssers (i.e normal people).

To be so insecure in your ideologies, or beliefs that you would prefer to shut down or even kill the opposing voices than engage in a grown up constructive debate is a depressing and rather scary state of affairs.

Lefty types can't seriously believe that a free and democratic society could exist where the only mainstream media available was simply a synchronous deferential mouthpiece for the Government. No one surely is that pig ignorant?

You can't have the freedoms and the liberties these people claim to be seeking where there is no opposition to the megalomaniac, self-serving, Eton educated blood spillers in power. This is what we call totalitarianism. It's like hell only worse as it actually exists.

These people know that their utopian, egalitarian, eco-erotic fantasies are so incompatible with reality that they flatly refuse to engage in any serious debates with Conservative leaning opposition.

They are fully aware that their ideology has no chance of standing up to the least bit of scrutiny, so it is reduced to silencing these voices instead. Usually this can be done by accusing Conservatives of being Nazis. Sometimes it requires something a little more nuclear, like getting the largest selling newspaper in the western world shut down.

And in the not too distant future when we're living in a society where an unreachable, unfathomable, unaccountable, unlocatable EU Government dictates to the press what it can and can't say and we have no voice whatsoever, the lefty sandal wearers won't take any responsibility for this Orwellian hellish nightmare they've created. There's always someone else to blame.

Just as there's always someone else to blame for the collapse or our education system, law and order, and everything else that made this country something to be proud of.

The Guardian and BBC have shamelessly exploited the violation of Milly Dowler and her family's privacy to further their campaign to reduce Rupert Murdoch's influence in UK media. That is as unscrupulous as the journos who messed about with her mobile phone voice mail in the first place.

Their crusade has nothing to do with protecting the privacy of the ordinary every day sandal wearer on the street, it has everything to do with a ruthless myopic obsession with preventing a Conservative voice from owning a TV news channel in this country. A TV news channel that would help keep this country on an even keel and protect the democracy that was a thousand years in the making.

All those hundreds of years spent slaughtering the French only to become France because the tiny Guardian readership will never accept the hypoxia caused by breathing such thin air from the heights of their ivory towers will not allow them to think clearly enough to see through this thinly veiled exploitation of a murdered school girl.

We're doomed. Run for your cueavs people, hide. It's every man for himself. Good luck everyone.

Lefty types high on hummus yesterday

7 July 2011

Well played the Guardian

Now then..thanks to the sandal wearers at the Guardian and their thinly veiled crusading for the privacy and dignity of the every day sandal wearer on the street, they've managed to get the News of the World closed down. Hoorah for them.

However if I've understood correctly media lawyer Mark Stephens' analysis of the closure told to Reuters today (which you can read here) their obsession with eroding away Murdoch's media influence in the UK and maintaining the left-liberal media consensus (as explained in detail on the excellent Autonomous Mind blog here) will mean the victims of the News of the World's snooping will not receive a penny in compensation.

There are possibly hundreds of 'ordinary people' who have been violated by unscrupulous journos from the News of the World; Milly Dowler and her family, 7/7 bombing victims' families, wives of soldiers killed - probably to see if they were having affairs while their husbands were at war - and lord knows who else.

Had the News of the World remained in operation they all ought to have received some form of compensation eventually, but if the News of the World is now to be liquidated as a consequence of this phoney outrage from the left then it appears quite likely that all of their records will be destroyed. What Stephens calls "a stroke of evil genius on the part of Murdoch."

All of the paper's assets will be handed over to a liquidator who's job it is to maximise the estates assets and minimise it's liabilities. Therefore it would probably choose to destroy all records to save money on warehousing them, so then nothing could be proved by any future claims and obviously any investigation or inquiry would be pointless.

Probably a team of temps in the building shredding things as we speak. The Guardian got what they wanted however. But he who laughs last..