Happy cleavage day

HEY WE'RE DOWN HERE

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Kirsty Young

Kirsty Young I'm just now reading has caused a stir by saying she doesn't want her children to be happy, rather that they were content and had self-worth. What I find depressing about these comments is not her opinions on how to raise her own progeny..it's that they have caused a stir.

She's just someone off the telly. Who gives a fuck how she chooses to raise her children? If you don't agree with her don't raise your own kids that way. She's a presenter not a childsmith or a psychologist, she's just someone trying to figure out how best to be a mother.

If she'd have suggested England not play 4-4-2 against South American teams most people would have dismissed her ideas as ignorant womanese bollocks. So why give her child raising strategies so much respect?

We place too much value on what celebrities and theologians say in our society. Just as a couple of bishops in the House of Lords shouldn't be able to scupper plans to cap benefit payments to the proles at "only" £26,000 a year, a celebrity radio presenter shouldn't be listened to anymore than any other mother when it comes to raising nippers.

Kirsty Young of course is delicious. We here at the blog would love to spend an evening eating trifle from between her still remarkably pert breasts, but we're not really interesting in her opinions about anything to be fair. We like her voice however so we're happy to sit and listen to her talk, but I shouldn't think we'd ever actually absorb or remember anything she'd say and you shouldn't either.

Even if you did, let's just examine briefly what she said. She wants her children to be content and have self-worth rather than just be "happy". There's nothing really wrong with that. Happiness is a transient emotion, it's temporary. It's an emotion provoked by an experience, for example, eating trifle from between some tits.

Contentment and self-worth are longer term states of mind. To experience happiness regularly is to be content. To have self-worth is remarkably rare and very valuable in our society as we're such shallow creatures now.

Most people appear to have incredibly low self-esteem. I blame the socialist Governments for that. They have told us we need to depend on them and have crushed our spirits. I also blame telly and America.

I don't think she was saying she wants her children to be miserable. I think she was just saying there are deeper more valuable rewards in life than simple happiness. Happiness is a superficial state of mind and you can experience it and still have a shit life and no self respect.

In order to feel content and have self-worth however you must by definition have an abundant rich life full of trifle, onesies and nice boobs and who wouldn't want that that's what I always say.

Heroes and villains

Today's man of the day is Rupert Murdoch. Our spirits were low this morning as we had to go the big house and that's always a depressing time, but they were lifted when we heard howls of outrage from the lefty media and the BBC in particular over the BskyB take-over.

How the BBC has the neck to whinge about supposed media monopolies when they are funded by a compulsory tax is beyond me. Unless they have the cheekiest driest sense of humour or have no understanding of irony I can only assume they're just the miserable pinko fuckers I always assumed they were and they can get the fuck out. I'm right too about Bagpuss being a euphemism for communism.

He may have destroyed the substance of every sport his silly sports channels have any gotten hold of, but we can forgive Mr Murdoch these ills so long as he's busting up egos at the Beeb. It's about time the right side of the political debate was represented more robustly anyway and if a few newspapers on the other side happen to fall by the wayside in the process well we'll just have to manage without them.

It's precisely because no one is reading them that they're in a position to go bust anyway that's what I always say. If the Guardian's parent company for example hadn't been so efficient with it's tax evasion they couldn't possibly survive given their pathetic 200,000 readership. Most of whom are too busy eating humus and congratulating themselves on being so friggin' superior to read it all anyway.

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In other news I'm now beginning season 5 of Smallville. I still think Clark should have told Lex ages ago about his abilities. He could have protected him. I'd like to be Lex. Unhinged, but with billions of monies so it's OK. Like Murdoch just less wrinkles. I mean he might experiment on people without always asking them first, but it's all for the greater good. He's the real hero of the show.

Most heroes are flawed anyway. We just choose to ignore those flaws. As Lex rightly pointed out earlier today even King David one of the earliest of heroes who defeated Goliath with his sling was a duplicitous adulterous whore monger. But they don't tell you that in Bible school.

They don't say, now then children after defeating Goliath King David went on to mutilate the genitals of a couple hundred Philistines, then got his mates wife up the duff and sent him off to fight in the most dangerous battle occurring at the time so he'd die and he could have his Keithy Cheggers widow all to himself. They skate around that part.

Even JFK almost missed getting shot in Dallas because he was hanging out the back of a strumpet earlier in the day as Richard Keys would say and almost missed his bus to the airport. One man's hero is another man's sandwich. I think you know what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, I digress...so yes. Season 5. Smallville. Good stuff. Lois had to work as a lap dancer as well today and that also raised my spirits and I became semi-erect.

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Chapter 4, how Gordon fucked the English forever: Gordon
enjoying wife Sarah's book yesterday

Thursday's villain was in fact Sarah Brown. She was a guest on the Richard Bacon radio show to promote her book which details her experiences as she sat idly by and watched her husband fulfill his life long ambition to fuck England up forever.

She apparently is OK with making money out of her husbands hapless mismanagement of the economy over 13 years. She sees no problem exploiting Gordon Brown's annihilation of Britain's ability to function as a going concern, so while the next few generations live off bread and water without a police force, education system, proper energy reserves or a health service to speak off, the Browns will be quite comfortable thank you very much living off his gigantic pension, the money he stole from the nation in the form of a salary he so obviously did not deserve plus all the other millions he's squirreled away via networks of complex fraudulent embezzlement.

The three Bs

So I just executed what I like to call the three Bs; bank, barbers and bakers. I withdrew my buy-in from the bank for this WSOP nonsense and I have to say it was the most painful withdrawal I've experienced since that time I had to pull out of that "Irish" waitress in Boston in a hurry after calling her by the wrong name.

"Are you buying anything nice?" inquired the cashier who I assume couldn't give a toss really and was just making small talk. "Hopefully eventually, but this is to play poker with," I replied sheepishly. "Oh OK," says she with a look on her face like I was a clot in her menstrual blood. Poker still not quite recognised as a legitimate vocation then.

Welcome to LLoyds-TSB: unless you're a
degenerate gambler in which case fuck off.

At the barbers I do the gentlemanly thing and allow a young miss with her son to enter before me. I shouldn't have. No more being a gentleman for me when it comes to entering the barbers. The boy was maybe four or five judging by his appalling vocabulary and fidgeting. Sat in the chair he immediately begins crying. After some time his mother ascertains that the apron thing they wrap around you is the wrong colour and too big and he does not like it.

Instead of beating him within an inch of his life for being so pathetic and embarrassing her, she just holds him near and tries to persuade him that the apron is a nice colour, but it would be OK if he didn't want it wrapped around him. Some twenty minutes later as I was fixing to cuff the little fucker around the ears, she announces she is to walk him to the nearest sweet shop and will be back later.

It's enough to make you weep. When I was a kid you had to have snapped your spine before you were allowed to cry in public. I would never have cried in a barbers like this at that age anyway because I wasn't paying for hair cuts until I was at an age where I'd lost interest in lego in favour of tits. I'm quite sure my hair was trimmed by my mother with a knife until then. Kids today don't know they're born.

Thank the lord I have a nice sammich to eat to take my mind off the desperate state of the country and my bank account.

Champions League

I erm..yes...tricky fixtures in the Champions League, but I fancy Tott**ham to draw 2-2 with Werder Bremen after taking an early 2-0 lead. I also fancy Rangers to eek out a 0-0 draw with a thoroughly defensive performance with lots of strong tackles, which may cause a serious injury to one of the United players, but they will get the job done.


Meanwhile, I will also be betting on Rubin-Kazan to lose narrowly to Copenhagen probably 1-0 causing the Cheeky Girls no sadness as they have nothing to do with this fixture and finally Inter Milan will probably draw with the might of FC Twenty.

These are of course just rough guesses, but hopefully I'll be right with some of them.

There's usually a surprising result somewhere that makes Richard Keys wonder "what the odds were of that result chuckle"..and on this occasion I fancy it'll beeeee....Auxerre to beat AC Milan in the San Siro, so I might just have a few shillings at 10.0 just for shits and giggles.

Shits and giggles!? Who coined that phrase and why? Good luck with all your bets.

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Enterprising wagers

Your oral stimulation has had a pleasing effect on me.

I will need several 3-ply tissues to absorb the moisture.

I've recently gotten quite into Star Trek: Enterprise. Are you familiar with this show? It's a prequel series with the guy from Quantum Leap as Captain. My younger readers might not be familiar with Quantum Leap so let me just quickly google the fella's name.

Scott Bakula. He's the Capitan. Or Captain if you will. So in this series they've only just figured out how warp speed works, and although they have the technology to beam people up and down they don't do it very often as the crew are skeptical about how safe it is. And one of the officers is a posh English dude and the engineer guy is from Texas.

It's on at 2pm so I watch it when I wake up and most of the time I will have a cup of tea when I watch it. Tea has caffeine in it, a stimulant, and this combined with my 'just woken up' randiness makes me have filthy thoughts about the Vulcan woman T'Pol who's in charge of sciencey stuff and I think is also some kind of space lawyer. She has the titest...erm tightest uniform and the best tits in the show.

A common personality trait of all the female characters with nice tits in all Star Trek series' is that they've all evolved to become emotionally redundant. Like the Borg woman in Voyager...she has the best tits of any female character in any of the Star Trek shows, yet she's incapable of feeling any emotion. And T'Pol in Enterprise is a Vulcan and Vulcans see emotions as gay and something only babies and small children are burdened with until they've grown out of them and gotten all logical and monosyllabic.

These lack of emotions are because male Star Trek fans with the exception of me, are usually nerds who are terrified of actual real women. And the only way they could ever, even in a fantasy, be in a sexual relationship with a woman with such awesome tits and not be frightened to death by the prospect of conquering her, is if she had no emotions and no sexual experience herself and therefore the nerd would be the dominant partner and corrupt her with ease. In effect she is essentially a living breathing blow-up doll. It's fascinating stuff from a psychological point of view...but I like it mostly for the tits.

"I will enjoy this tit wank you speak of?" 7 of 9 yesterday

Sport now, and it's the Europa League this evening. I'm going to place a 15 game acca** and live the rest of life in a obscene luxury. I'll only eat the very best sammiches Subway have to offer and I'll make a billionaire Arab go out and get them for me, while I wrestle with his six daughters to work up an appetite.

It's GOLD!

**update: I did not in fact place a 15 game acca. I went for a less awesome Yankee; Celtic - Win, Villa - draw, Borisov - win, Stuttgart - win.

Villa are fielding a team of children so may in fact lose but hopefully they can eek out a draw.

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