Arsenal v Milan

The thing about beating Milan tonight by the twenty or thirty goals or whatever the total is the boys need in order to qualify for the privilege of getting knocked out in the next round, is that it's not really the goals they have to score that's the main problem.

The main problem is stopping the spaghetti munching, Gucci pyjama wearing Vespa riders from scoring twenty or thirty goals themselves. If the chaps concede one goal they'll need six and Arsenal haven't kept a clean sheet for twenty five years.

Why play the first team? Why risk putting the remaining healthy players of the squad in the physio's room with all the other crocs just to attempt to win an essentially unwinnable game? And which only leads to one more round anyway of a tournament we can't win anyway cause of all the teams left in who are even better than Milan.

Also of course it'll destroy the morale or squad if they put out a strong team and lose 4-0 again.

They obviously need to be competitive as they'll be 60,000 Gooners who have all paid at least a bullseye to watch the game at the stadium so their wives can watch Eastenders in peace at home and you can't surrender to Italians in all good consciousness, but they shouldn't go balls out to try and get the goals that would see them qualify.

Nope. Just win the game. Win the game but sod the Champions League qualification. This way it keeps up the momentum that has been built up in the league recently and you don't lose to Italians again. Thus we've beaten Totterington, Liverpool and Milan and that sets us up to see the rest of season out and finish third.

There's no disappointment either. We've already accepted we're out of the Champions League after the capitulation at the San Siro. Score two goals in the first half, get Robin off and Theo off and whoever the third most fragile player is and then defend for dear life in the second half.

Easy. Hoo roo!

Arsenal 5 Totterington 2

Now that's more like it. You didn't have to be an Arsenal supporter to feel that life affirming warmth on Sunday watching a tax dodger's collection of overrated monkeys from the colonies and sexually indiscriminate parvenu's from all over the place receive an absolute pasting from a fine upstanding band of heterosexual family men.

Of course from an Arsenal perspective this result will mean nothing if the chaps return from the northern hellish lawless badlands of Merseyside next weekend without any points or hubcaps, but we can still allow ourselves at least for a day to drink in the misery of that infestation crawling around our stadium from N17 yesterday.

From these Star of David waving, circumcised cocked, Kosher food eating verminous celebrations..

28min: Arsenal 0-2 Tottenham

To this; who amongst us can't be both appalled and elated in equal measure by this ménage à trios of abject incestuous misery?

FT: Arsenal 5-2 Tottenham

Obviously there will never be a time when Arsenal's whole season is considered a success just because we have beaten Totterington. Those is the low standards of our entirely uncivilised neighbours from N17. Arsenal of course set a different standard. We do not launch celebratory DVDs for a single matches or consider one season from sixteen as proof that a shift in power has occurred.

However, we must be cautious. However absurd the notion, we must never entirely dismiss the possibility that Tottenham might finish above Arsenal this season. As they are only seven points ahead at the moment, that seems almost impossible, but we must still never take anything for granted.

Enjoy yesterday of course. But once this typically pointless international round of friendlies is over we must concentrate fully on putting Totterington exactly where they deserve to be. Sort of 12th.

Good man, get it out of your system for tomorrow we go to work

Robin of the day

Robin van Persie

Robin van Persie has again won the blog's coveted 'Robin of the day' award and indeed, why not? It wasn't just his typically ruthless finishing that has secured him the award for the 2,300th consecutive day. It wasn't just his technique, his intensity, his leadership and his passion. All of these contributed to his nomination, but what won the award was his sarcastic double Sieg Heil goal celebration towards the Neo-Nazi Chelsea support.

Nicely done sir.

When in Rome: Robin van Persie's Roman salute to the
aggrieved Chelsea support after scoring his second goal.

Further bin Laden exclusives

Driven to despair by shocking defending from Emmanuel Eboue Osama bin Laden finally turns himself in. Better dead than no trophies for another year.

Rocky Rocky Rocky Rocky Rocastle