Showing posts with label Cunts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cunts. Show all posts

30 September 2011

Keeping and reading blogs increases cancer risk


Why are the Daily Mail so obsessed with things that may give us cancer? If the Mail is correct, in order for us to avoid all forms of cancer we must sit perfectly still from birth and not consume any food or drink. We must also not open a window.

Of course, we would all be dead if we adhered to this strict lifestyle and dietary regime and the species would become extinct within a generation but sadly this is necessary if we're not to die from cancer.

Anyway, just typing out this blog entry has increased my chances of developing several cancers by 23% so I'm now going to sit very still on my new sofa and avoid any of these things:

ABORTION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1288955/Abortion-triple-risk-breast-cancer.html
AGE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-449783/Women-birth-age-30-double-risk-breast-cancer.html
AIR POLLUTION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-358875/Pollution-cars-linked-child-cancer.html
AIR TRAVEL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-200443/Frequent-fliers-raise-cancer-risk.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-591109/Cancer-risk-frequent-fliers.html
AIRPORT SCANNERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009947/Airport-scanner-row-leaves-angry-doctor-grounded-claims-machines-cause-cancer.html
ALCOHOL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-147083/Drink-day-increases-breast-cancer-risk.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-471910/Bowel-cancer-danger-just-glass-wine-day.html
ALLERGIES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-324732/Child-allergies-raise-cancer-risk.html
ARTIFICIAL FLAVOURS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-55023/Cancer-causing-chemicals-soy-sauce.html
ARTIFICIAL LIGHT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-391267/Artificial-light-increases-breast-cancer-risk.html
ASBESTOS (as if it wasn’t bad enough already) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1170584/Asbestos-schools-kill-pupils-warns-teacher-dying-lung-cancer.html
ASPIRIN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-205490/Asprin-link-cancer-risk.html
BABIES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-157683/Birth-size-link-breast-cancer.html
BABY BOTTLES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1038697/EU-rejects-ban-baby-bottles-linked-early-puberty-breast-cancer-miscarriage-infertility.html
BABY CAR SEATS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1388348/Is-babys-car-seat-causing-cancer-New-study-reveals-carcinogens-foam-padding-used-baby-products.html
BABY FOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-199887/Baby-food-cancer-alert.html
BACON http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1102368/Additives-used-bacon-ham-chicken-make-cancers-grow.html
BARBEQUES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-326153/Australians-warned-backyard-cancer-risk.html
BATH WATER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-431777/Chlorine-bathwater-linked-cancer.html
BEEF http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-393666/Alarm-beef-link-breast-cancer.html
BEER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1161843/Just-pint-beer-day-raise-risk-prostate-cancer.html
BEING A BLACK PERSON http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1064547/Black-men-times-likely-prostate-cancer.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-508753/Black-women-develop-breast-cancer-decades-earlier-white-women.html
BEING A WOMAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-63976/Cancer-risk-higher-women-smokers.html
BEING A MAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-306543/Men-twice-likely-die-cancer-women.html
BEING A SKINNY GIRL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1266092/Skinny-girls-greater-risk-developing-breast-cancer.html
BEING A TALL WOMAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2017080/Why-taller-women-likely-diagnosed-cancer.html
BEING SOUTHERN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1027331/Why-affluent-women-South-likely-die-breast-cancer.html
BISCUITS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-126342/Cancer-foods-avoid.html
BLOWJOBS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-453843/Oral-sex-cause-throat-cancer.html
BRAS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-182370/Is-bra-bad-you.html
BREAD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-411506/White-bread-increases-cancer-risk.html
BREAST FEEDING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-178756/Whos-risk-breast-cancer.html
BREAST IMPLANTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-41443/Breast-implants-cancer-scare.html
BROKEN HEARTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-450049/How-heart-broken-grief-send-early-grave.html
BUBBLE BATH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-403703/Is-bubble-bath-safe.html
BURGERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-467360/Cancer-scare-food-colour-added-sausages-burgers.html
CAFFINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1127473/Coffee-raise-child-cancer-risk-New-evidence-caffeine-damage-babies-DNA.html
CALCUIM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1052127/Fatal-cancer-risk-men-high-blood-calcium-levels-say-US-researchers.html
CANDLE-LIT DINNERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1207726/Candles-release-scents-laced-cancer-chemicals-warn-scientists.html#ixzz0dufFps6a
CANNED FOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-44676/Gender-bending-chemicals-tin-cans.html
CARBOHYDRATES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-313227/Low-carb-diets-beat-breast-cancer.html
CARS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-358875/Pollution-cars-linked-child-cancer.html
CEREAL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
CATS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2019170/Can-cat-cancer-Parasite-bellies-linked-brain-tumours.html
CEREAL BOXES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1364068/Recycled-cereal-boxes-contain-dangerous-levels-cancer-causing-mineral-oils.html
CHEESE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1002424/Italy-shuts-mozzarella-production-toxin-fears-spread.html
CHICKEN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-429303/Families-risk-toxic-imported-foods.html
CHILDLESSNESS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/columnists/article-474820/SUZANNE-MOORE-Im-sick-told-fault.html
CHILDREN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-506501/Prostate-risk-having-family-according-new-study.html
CHILDREN’S FOODhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-201390/Health-warning-childrens-food.html
CHILLIS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-347287/Cancer-checks-spices-new-food-dyes-alert.html
CHINESE MEDICINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-75547/Warming-cancer-risk-Chinese-medicines.html
CHIPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-487571/Parents-told-chips-cause-cancer.html
CHLORINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-431777/Chlorine-bathwater-linked-cancer.html
CHOCOLATE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-386625/Cancer-fears-chocolate-snacks.html
CITY LIVING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-496495/City-life-blamed-higher-risk-breast-cancer.html
CLIMATE CHANGE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-452789/Warmer-climate-mean-thousands-deaths-skin-cancer.html
COCA COLA http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-337178/Carrot-day-reduces-cancer-risk.html
COD LIVER OIL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-379918/Cancer-fears-cod-liver-oil-capsules.html
COLD TEMPERATURES & LACK OF SUNLIGHT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1267653/Cold-temperatures-lack-sun-linked-prostate-cancer.html#ixzz0ll1ioCBU
COFFEE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3027/How-healthy-cup-coffee.html
CONSTAPATION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-193698/Atkins-diet-cancer-risk.html
CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-181273/Cancer-risk-45-higher-Pill.html
COOKING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-382571/Frying-increase-cancer-risk.html
CORDLESS PHONES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-515970/After-cancer-warnings-mobiles-home-phone-putting-health-danger.html
CRAYONS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6706/Safety-alert-best-selling-crayons.html
CURRY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-342632/Cancer-dye-Grossman-curry-sauce.html
DENTAL X-RAYS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1283393/Ten-dental-X-rays-raise-cancer-risk.html
DEODRANT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-205705/Deodorants-linked-cancer.html
DETERGENT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2029873/Cancer-risk-perfumed-products-tumble-dryer-chemicals-air-vents.html
DIET COKE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1391395/Amid-health-fears-Diet-Coke-sweetner-safety-spotlight.html
DIETING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-73056/Is-diet-lifestyle-putting-risk-breast-cancer.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1266591/Dieting-really-CAN-harm-health-Slimmers-higher-risk-heart-disease-cancer.html
DOGS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-490581/Can-dogs-breast-cancer-Bizarre-medical-theories-experts-claim-actually-true.html
EGGS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-50995/Cancer-chemicals-eggs.html
EGGS (free range) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1287301/Free-range-eggs-contain-times-pollution-caged-birds.html
ELECTRICITY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-449679/Power-lines-link-cancer-new-alert.html
ENGLISH BREAKFAST http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1049142/Traditional-English-fry-raise-risk-bowel-cancer-63-cent.html
FACEBOOK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1149207/How-using-Facebook-raise-risk-cancer.html
FALSE NAILS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1174768/Having-nails-skin-cancer-doctors-warn-women.html
FATHERHOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-506501/Prostate-risk-having-family-according-new-study.html
FIBRE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4903/Fibre-cancer-risk-warning.html
FINGER LENGTH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1334573/Is-finger-length-clue-increased-risk-getting-prostate-cancer.html
FISH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-117840/Fish-cancer-scare.html
FIZZY DRINKS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1249305/Two-fizzy-drinks-week-raise-chance-getting-pancreatic-cancer-87.html
FLIP FLOPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1025915/Wearing-FLIP-FLOPS-skin-cancer-doctors-warn.html
FLY SPRAY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-459938/Using-pesticide-sprays-home-double-risk-brain-tumours.html
FRUIT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-371260/Breast-cancer-drug-cuts-death-risk.html
FRUIT JUICE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254534/Fruit-juice-cancer-warning-scientists-harmful-chemical-16-drinks.html
GARDENS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-326153/Australians-warned-backyard-cancer-risk.html
GIVING BIRTH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2035391/Breast-cancer-Having-daughter-gave-cancer--I-willingly-again.html
GRAPEFRUIT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-468559/Eating-grapefruit-increase-breast-cancer-risk-third.html
HAIR DYE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1017259/How-using-hair-dye-increase-risk-cancer.html
HAM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-490845/Is-safe-eat-Cancer-report-adds-bacon-ham-drink-danger-list.html
HEIGHT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1064454/Bigger-taller-baby-girls-higher-risk-breast-cancer-says-study.html
HONEY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-429303/Families-risk-toxic-imported-foods.html
HOT DRINKS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
HOUSEPRIDE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1296134/Could-houseproud-raise-risk-breast-cancer.html
HRT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1214782/HRT-increases-risk-dying-lung-cancer.html#ixzz0dueJ7qOY
HUGGING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-436043/Hugging-dad-gave-terminal-cancer.html
HULA HOOPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1055471/Cancer-chemical-Pringles-Hula-Hoops-Prince-Charless-organic-crisps.html
INTERNET http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-312505/Cancer-patients-risk-websites.html
IVF http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-148228/How-IVF-raises-cancer-risks.html
KIDNEY TRANSPLATS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-459097/TV-prize-kidney-carries-risk-cancer.html
LAMB http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-446559/Red-meat-link-higher-risk-breast-cancer.html
LARGE HEADS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-370870/Big-headed-babies-prone-cancer.html
LEFT-HANDEDNESS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-363477/Left-handers-likely-breast-cancer.html
LIGHTBULBS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-506082/Environmentally-friendly-light-bulbs-skin-cancer.html
LIPSTICK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-499967/Is-lipstick-giving-cancer.html
LIVER TRANSPLANTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-207838/Cancer-liver-transplant-killed-husband.html
LONG RING FINGER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1296364/A-long-ring-finger-mean-youre-prostate-cancer-risk.html
MENOPAUSE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-395201/Weight-gain-menopause-increases-breast-cancer-risk.html
MENSTRUATION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-68946/Do-women-need-periods.html
METAL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1081692/The-metals-daily-glass-wine-linked-cancer-Parkinsons.html
MILK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-328863/Milk-linked-ovarian-cancer.html
MOBILE PHONES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-473553/Orange-remove-mobile-mast-tower-doom-cancer-rate-soared.html
MODERN LIVING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-474157/Modern-living-blame-cancer-epidemic.html
MONEY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1025375/Wealthy-background-raise-risk-cancer-teenagers.html
MORPHINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1230208/Pain-drug-morphine-cause-cancer-spread.html#ixzz0dudlHqN2
MOUTHWASH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1113422/Mouthwash-causes-oral-cancer-pulled-supermarkets-say-experts.html
NUCLEAR POWER (there is no hint of irony in this article) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-42066/New-study-links-nuclear-sites-cancer.html
OBESITY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-245997/Obesity-raises-risk-cancer.html
OESTROGEN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4098/Oestrogen-link-breast-cancer.html
OLDER FATHERs http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1223025/Why-older-fathers-likely-children-genetic-disorders.html#ixzz0dudLlJsP
PASTRY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
PEANUT BUTTER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1164417/Food-watchdog-warning-peanut-butter-brand-containing-cancer-causing-fungus.html
PERFUME http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1051130/How-perfumes-scented-creams-make-unborn-baby-infertile.html
PICKLES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
PIZZA http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-341698/New-food-dye-warning.html
PLASTIC BAGS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1207840/Plastic-decomposes-sea-releases-cancer-causing-chemicals-study-warns.html#ixzz0duexZlFs
PORK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1093039/After-alert-Irish-pork-safe-beef.html
POTATOES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-115037/Cancer-chemical-link-cooked-food.html
POVERTY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/columnists/article-474820/SUZANNE-MOORE-Im-sick-told-fault.html
PREGNANCY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-82458/Breast-cancer-risk-career-women.html
PRINCE CHARLES ORGANIC CRISPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1055471/Cancer-chemical-Pringles-Hula-Hoops-Prince-Charless-organic-crisps.html
PRINGLES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1055471/Cancer-chemical-Pringles-Hula-Hoops-Prince-Charless-organic-crisps.html
RADIOACTIVITY (again, just no irony whatsoever) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-421140/As-radioactive-spy-buried-bar-staff-served-facing-cancer-risk.html
RICE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-444222/Rice-tainted-arsenic-raises-risk-cancer.html
SAUSAGES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-550729/Why-eating-just-sausage-day-raises-cancer-risk-20-cent.html
RETIREMENT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1220446/Oh-Work-good-especially-youve-retired.html#ixzz0ducbviCE
SEX http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-191219/Did-sex-cancer.html
SHAVING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-206459/Shaving-raise-cancer-risk.html
SKIING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-206243/Skiers-warned-cancer-risk.html
SOUP http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1132814/Salty-soups-increase-cancer-risk-says-expert.html
SPACE TRAVEL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1015482/How-astronauts-risk-cancer--premature-ageing--travelling-space.html
SUN CREAM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-592076/Cancer-fear-childrens-sun-creams.html
SWEETS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2028812/Womb-cancer-linked-sugary-diet-Sweet-snacks-increase-risk-33.html
TALCUM POWDER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1063040/Cancer-alert-talc-Women-using-powder-day-risk.html
TATTOOS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2032696/Now-tattoos-cancer-U-S-regulator-probes-fears-inks-contain-carcinogenic-chemicals.html
TEA http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-87131/Too-tea-treble-cancer-risk-women.html
TEEN SEX http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1237530/Girls-sex-teens-greater-risk-developing-cervical-cancer.html#ixzz0dudvXOF7
THIRD HAND SMOKE (read article and you'll understand) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1249591/Even-hand-smoke-dangerous--especially-children.html
TILL RECEIPTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1336770/High-levels-cancer-chemical-till-receipts.html
TURNING ON THE LIGHTS AT NIGHT TO GO TO THE LOO http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1265277/Cancer-danger-night-time-trip-toilet.html
VITAMINS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-320006/Vitamin-pills-cause-early-deaths.html
WAR IN IRAQ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1259393/Colin-Brazier-asks-Did-Iraq-war-cancer.html
WATER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13620/Cancer-link-tap-water-radon-hotspots.html
WELL-DONE MEAT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1267409/Well-cooked-meat-increase-risk-bladder-cancer.html
WI-FI http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-456534/The-classroom-cancer-risk-wi-fi-internet.html
WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-338899/Dye-alert-spreads-school-meals.html
WORKING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1031934/Why-men-desk-jobs-higher-risk-prostate-cancer.html
X-RAYS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-207035/X-rays-bring-risk-cancer.html

Good luck everyone.

18 May 2011

C**t of the week changes hands



The cunt of the week award is being keenly contested this week. Paddy Power style I had all but paid out on Chris Huhne for setting aside his Parliamentary duties in order to hide from the media because he knows sure as eggs is eggs he should be in jail, but with the ink not yet dry on the certificate quoth Ken Clarke such an extraordinary speech of bullshit as to re-open the competition.

According to Ken, who mistakenly thinks it's 1811 rather than 2011, rapists ought to get a 50% "discount" on their sentences if they plead guilty to being rapists. Which is to say, the quickest way of halving your time in jail is to admit doing what you've been accused of.

No someone hasn't just turned over two pages at once, he really does think this. Now of course, I'm no lawyer, but this does quite seem to be the thinking of a man who's brains have rotted away and been left with nothing but a musty void between the ears.

By my way of thinking, and again I concede I'm not a lawsmith, if you've raped someone and deny it and put your victim through the ordeal of a court case and waste everyone's time and money, and are then found guilty, you should then have your sentence extended. If you admit to your guilt straight off the bat, you should get the standard sentence for whatever they're dishing out for rape these days.

By offering "discounts" as Clarke describes it for admitting being what you're on trial for surely you make a mockery of due process and insult the victim. Essentially in fact, in the case of rape, fuck the victim once again. By admitting doing what you're accused off, by anyone's mathematics, how can that lead to an abbreviated sentence?

Ken Clarke is incapable of distinguishing between victims and offenders. To him it's just a difference of opinion. One woman's rape is another mans spirited nookie. He'll never be able to understand the idea of locking people up just to keep them away from the law abiding members of the community.

Any society where criminal behaviour is simply dismissed as an antiquated diagnosis of the psychologically disturbed rather than just a plain and simple fact that some people are utter cunts is always going to be unsafe place to live.

"Yes M'lud I did indeed drag the young miss into the woods as described and yes I subjected her then to a four hour ordeal from which she'll probably never recover. I then ran off and left her for dead while I searched for another victim."


"Ah well, jolly good young man, you've spared me a lot of work there so have your sentence reduced by half." Tonk! Court adjourned.


For completely missing the point and putting people's lives in danger and ultimately making this country a shit place to live I hereby award Ken Clarke the cunt of the week trophy.



16 May 2011

C**t of the week and it's only Monday

THIS BLOG ENTRY CONTAINS RUDE WORDS

Guilty as charged, but what are you
gonna do about it?: An utter cunt yesterday


I hate Chris Huhne. I have always hated Chris Huhne. If only when his mother was carrying around this lump of sexually deviant evil in her womb some Providence had not intervened and some how shoved a coat hanger up her jaff we might have never had to suffer his odious, arrogant, hypocritical bullshit.

He represents the absolute worst of everything we must fear and hate about lefty eco-maniacs and almost every politician who sits in the House of Commons. The Liberal Democrats are of course completely bereft of conscience. And this man's soul is so black as to be almost a darkness that could end the world.

If Chris Huhne is not drawing up plans to bankrupt the country with his absurd obsession with wind farms, or dumping whoever he's married to on a given day in order to share a bed with a couple of lesbians, he's breaking the law by driving like a cunt and then asking the wife he's about to dump to take the rap for it.

Even as we speak, while the nation waits for him to come out of hiding and explain why he shouldn't go to jail, he'll be lying prostrate on a red velvet chaise-lounge in his bespoke sex den while two Romanian rent boys wank him off, rub hummus into his testicles and throw piles of £50 notes at his bare chest.

If I hadn't resigned from the world and detached myself completely from this attitude of complete indifference our politicians have for our opinions and contempt they have for the thousand year old democracy and due process, then I might get annoyed by this. The fact that the House of Commons is now exclusively a retreat for some of the most dangerous men in the country and who are quite above the law might cause me some alarm.

The reality that we are doomed and as absolutely fucked as if we were a D list celebrity with big tits at a Footballers christmas party, might keep me awake at night. Like Chris Huhne, it's a good job I don't care. Phew.