Lord ha' feckin' mercy

I was just now reading about this big bastard! Heaviest insect in the world at 70g they said it was. Wing span of 7 inches. Found in New Zealand's north Island. Wait a minute!.....a fecking wing span?

The smegger can fly???

Jesus Christ why was I not told about this sooner? New Zealand isn't that far away for a creature of that size.

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and finding one of these circling above your head. You'd need artillery to bring it down. I feel weak. I need to lie down. Barricade yourselves in people, they could be here at any moment.

Absolute c**t of the day

Look at this utter c**nts attempt at parking. This is a hospital car park. When I arrived there were no cars either side of this black VW. It was just there parked across the divide of two disabled spaces.

What ever possesses people to be so inconsiderate? This person needs to appear in an episode of Dexter also. If anyone reading this is either working for the rozzers or DVLA and wants to sneakily give me this c**t of the day's details I will make sure they receive a gammy horses head in the mail forthwith.

I wish I hadn't ask for something to get emotional about now. I've become angry over something relatively unimportant and I have to say, I don't care for it.

Friday spot the ball competition

(click to enlarge)

Hooray it's Friday, much the same as any other day of course but hooray nonetheless. To celebrate the beginning of the weekend we here at the blog have 24 cans of Kestrel Lager to give away in this week's spot the ball competition.

Print your entry out and send to the usual address. All entries soiled by obvious jizz splodges will be considered invalid. The age old "I spilt some yoghurt on it" excuse won't fly with me thank you please.

Swoon

Seriously people, who has a harp in their living room who isn't from the 17th century? Any woman who can romance music from her instrument in this way with such graceful dexterity must surely be a wondrous experience in the private chambers.

This is splendid stuff. I love this girl more than Lois Lane. In my dreams I lay semi naked wrapped in a sort of nappy cum codpiece eating grapes while this delicious creature plays her harp for me before we retire for an evening's nookie.

Update* Oh no! She's only 17 and according to the half age plus shoe size equation for calculating ones partners perfect age I will have to wait until I am 53 before I can have my prize! It's like some tragic Greek myth. I will be driven mad before my time by the music which so enchanted my heart.