Final day

Gold Cup - fifty of your earth pounds at 8.4 on Betfair.

Day 3

Hoorah, we lost our chezzer with Bob's Worth yesterday, however we were unable to supplement our winnings with a double with Sizing Europe as the most important National Hunt festival of the year couldn't afford more than three cardboard warning boards. Which is fine as there are only millions of pounds bet on each race and I'm sure the horse's owner wasn't fussed as it's the taking part that matters most.

Today we are relying heavily on the "I reckon that'll win" strategy where by we just look at a horses name and colours and go from there. So with that in mind..

Race 1 1:30pm Solix

Race 2 2:05pm Thehillofuisneac

Race 3 2:40pm Noble Prince, Little Josh (TBP 17.0), Somersby*

Race 5 3:20pm Thousand Stars

Race 6 4:00pm Giorgio Quercus

*I'd forgotten I'd backed Somersby so I have three runners in the Ryanair. Oops.

Good luck with all my bets.

Nam day 2

Luckily we were able to finish day one of Cheltenham without backing anything that had to be destroyed. Last year I think my first bet of the festival ended up in the glue factory and a couple of my other selections soon followed. I was nicknamed Dr Death in the pub if I recall correctly.

Let's see if we can be as fortunate again today and dare I say even pick a winner?

In this amateur nonsense to begin the day I've gone for Universal Soldier at 12s.

The Neptune Novices I'm on Cotton Mill at 10s.

The RSA Chase I've backed Bob's Worth at 7/2 which I have in a double with Sizing Europe at 4/5 in the Queen Mammies.

Depending on how these awesome selections fare I may just have a punt on the Chelsea Naples game tonight. Can't wait for this one. Surely the old school Italian mafia can defeat the new money Russian Mafia?

I'm just hoping a series of stories about missing players and coaching staff begin appearing the papers eventually concluding with a series of gruesome pictures of them all being shown Goodfellas stylee in big freezers with their throats cut, or being dragged out of the Thames sporting concrete boots.