Poker: the next generation

So now, I've just watched the heats of the new Poker Premier League IV on t'internets. I'm not sure when it airs here so I won't offer up any spoilers. It's good stuff though and it's been edited in such a fashion that one can barely find time to take a bite from one's sammich without missing something good.

I'm not sure how they came to decide that these twelve players represent the cream of professional poker, but it's good mix of players nonetheless. Attitooods and styles colliding makes for compelling telly and no mistake.

Luke Schwartz is of course a testy little scamp, but along with Yevgeniy Timoshenko he's playing a game that's on many many different levels to the rest of the players. Timoshenko in particular I think even has the skills to win the Pigeon's game.

Phil Hellmuth and Daniel Negreanu look baffled and lost; Tony G reduced to playing with bicycles and some nonsense comments about heart and commitment, but no actual game to speak of; Vanessa Rousso has very poor complexion but I still would.

Luke Schwartz is just like second generation Phil Hellmuth all emotions and F-bombs, he could be his son in fact...Timoshenko perhaps a second generation Chip Reese all calm, collected, smiles and a sixth and possibly a seventh sense for what's occurring at the tables.

I should think his father was probably a high ranking officer in the KGB and this is where he gets his cool calculating ruthlessness from. His paterfamilias is probably tying someone up with piano wire as we speak.

Jolly good stuff it is anyway and I'm motivated now to make an attempt at the 900 runner DTD Grand Prix tomorrow, hopefully I'll be able to la Forge ahead and not have to Klingon. Hahahahahahaha.

Wednesday's any other business

Is it me or does young Laura Robson bare an uncanny
resemblance to Annabel Croft when she was of a similar age?

The equation I have always used to determine whether a young miss is a viable target or not is simply to halve my age and add my shoe size. So a 25 year old is currently the youngest in theory I'd be comfortable taking over the jumps without questions of exploitation and grooming plaguing me post-coitally.

Obviously young Laura at 16 or 17 is way out of bounds, but I have to confess if she and Annabel Croft stopped buy seeking out a little mother-daughter tag-team I'd be all for it. I enjoy a bit of role-playing; I'd play the strict headmaster who has given naughty Laura a detention and called her Mother in to explain the situation. We'd discuss how to discipline her but they'd both just end up educating me in so many appalling and moist ways.


In other news the Stig from Top Gear is Ben someone...and contrary to how BBC executives types feel about his identity becoming public, no one in fact gives a shit. Fans of the show may have cared for a few months or been mildly intrigued by it six or seven years ago, but in fact the significance of this piece of news has been over-exaggerated much to the same degree as Jeremy Clarkeson has always exaggerated how important ones car is when on the pull.

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Straight outta LA

These ESPN 30 for 30 documentaries are very good. If you haven't seen the "Two Escobars" one, you must seek it out. Tonight on ESPN America at 8pm it's 'Straight Outta L.A.' the story of the Raiders teams of the mid 80's and the growth of gangster rap and the wearing of the pirate logo stuff by the gangs in LA and the shooting of each other in the evenings and so on.

At that time in my life I was still playing with Lego so I wasn't into gangster rap, and I still remember sulking when the Raiders beat the Redskins in the Superbowl in 1984, but I enjoyed this documentary and I recommend you watch it if you access to the ESPN's, even if you're not into Mercan football or don't have any Ice Cube LPs.

(I'm laughing at the use LPs as we speak)

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Mexican of the day

Today's Mexican of the day is Jimena Navarret, winner of the 2010 Miss Universe contest. I was expecting some hugely malformed steroid him-she monstrosity, but fortunately it's not like the Mr Universe contest. I haven't seen the actual show, just a few clips. It looks like Bret Michaels of Poison was a judge and her qualifications appear to have been her personality and being smokin' hot.

I would imagine though she's done some important work with poor children and is looking forward to traveling around the world. I should imagine if she had three wishes she'd like to eradicate disease and poverty and end all wars for ever.

How she would then house the hundreds of millions of people that would not now die each year after essentially doing away with natural selection, given the earth's finite amount of real estate, without imposing incredibly stressful cramped living conditions on them all with insanity inducing claustrophobia and almost inevitable uncontrollable civil unrest, she probably isn't sure about...but she is sure she loves kids.

And Bret is sure she's smokin' hot and that's all that counts.

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Lies

See the way Georgie Thompson of Sky Sports News fame likes to be seen walking this little dog in the hope people will think it's a Doberman and therefore be fooled into thinking she's really tall.

It's an old trick celebrities use. Tom Cruise uses similar tactics by always making his wife take her shoes off when they're photographed together while he stands on three copies of the the Shanghai Yellow pages.

But though but, ...young has Georgie made a clear error in allowing herself to be snapped stood next to boyfriend, famous midget and ten time winner of the "bloke from the telly who wants stabbing" award, Declan Donnelly.

What on earth does she see in the multi-multi-multi cabillionaire
diminutive Geordie wank faced cockknocker?

Donnelly even in heels is only 4ft 2, which makes Georgie Thompson something like 3ft 5. I'm all for petite women and that's almost a perfect height for some functions, but I just think it would be embarrassing having to drive ones girlfriend around in a baby-seat.

It needs stating also, that her thighs are kind of fat aren't they and she looks a bit rough here? I've gone off her. It's all lies. Sky Sports News must have magicians as make-up artists. They'll have their work cut out for them as of today too as I believe SSN are launching their much hyped HD channel.

I was kind of looking forward to it, but I'm not so sure now. You can only really acquire thighs like this by eating kebab meat, so Georgie's probably got really horrible skin. Nasty skin in HD is not what you need when first thing in the afternoon.

For scale: Dec and Georgie next to a
standard Royal Mail post-box yesterday

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BT advert - the reveal

This is it? This is what people voted for? My idea with the rugby team was much better. I emailed in with this less explicit alternative where Gavin from the Auto-Glass adverts is the father, a sort of meta-fictional version if you will, but they threatened to disconnect my landline if I emailed them again. Jeez, just trying to help.

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Enterprising wagers

Your oral stimulation has had a pleasing effect on me.

I will need several 3-ply tissues to absorb the moisture.

I've recently gotten quite into Star Trek: Enterprise. Are you familiar with this show? It's a prequel series with the guy from Quantum Leap as Captain. My younger readers might not be familiar with Quantum Leap so let me just quickly google the fella's name.

Scott Bakula. He's the Capitan. Or Captain if you will. So in this series they've only just figured out how warp speed works, and although they have the technology to beam people up and down they don't do it very often as the crew are skeptical about how safe it is. And one of the officers is a posh English dude and the engineer guy is from Texas.

It's on at 2pm so I watch it when I wake up and most of the time I will have a cup of tea when I watch it. Tea has caffeine in it, a stimulant, and this combined with my 'just woken up' randiness makes me have filthy thoughts about the Vulcan woman T'Pol who's in charge of sciencey stuff and I think is also some kind of space lawyer. She has the titest...erm tightest uniform and the best tits in the show.

A common personality trait of all the female characters with nice tits in all Star Trek series' is that they've all evolved to become emotionally redundant. Like the Borg woman in Voyager...she has the best tits of any female character in any of the Star Trek shows, yet she's incapable of feeling any emotion. And T'Pol in Enterprise is a Vulcan and Vulcans see emotions as gay and something only babies and small children are burdened with until they've grown out of them and gotten all logical and monosyllabic.

These lack of emotions are because male Star Trek fans with the exception of me, are usually nerds who are terrified of actual real women. And the only way they could ever, even in a fantasy, be in a sexual relationship with a woman with such awesome tits and not be frightened to death by the prospect of conquering her, is if she had no emotions and no sexual experience herself and therefore the nerd would be the dominant partner and corrupt her with ease. In effect she is essentially a living breathing blow-up doll. It's fascinating stuff from a psychological point of view...but I like it mostly for the tits.

"I will enjoy this tit wank you speak of?" 7 of 9 yesterday

Sport now, and it's the Europa League this evening. I'm going to place a 15 game acca** and live the rest of life in a obscene luxury. I'll only eat the very best sammiches Subway have to offer and I'll make a billionaire Arab go out and get them for me, while I wrestle with his six daughters to work up an appetite.

It's GOLD!

**update: I did not in fact place a 15 game acca. I went for a less awesome Yankee; Celtic - Win, Villa - draw, Borisov - win, Stuttgart - win.

Villa are fielding a team of children so may in fact lose but hopefully they can eek out a draw.

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Gay weather man does something gay

While Sky TV only employ sluts to read their weather forecasts, the BBC only employ gayers, and this is the flagship gayer of their entire fleet of birties. It's only the ostentatiously effeminate whoopsie that can react the way he does when he realises he's on camera.

Splendid theatre darling, you were wonderful.

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BT adverts past present and future

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU'RE MY AUNTIE

Apparently you can vote for what you want to happen next with these adverts. Brilliant!! I don't think "for them to stop" is one of the options if that's what you're hoping. To be fair, apart from sport, these adverts are the only things I watch on telly. Before we consider what should happen next, let's remind ourselves of the story so far..

...now then, a few questions need answering; for example, What sort of people look for a house to live in before they're married? Society might not mind anymore, but they will have to answer to Jesus. Also, how did they go from looking for those houses together, to him moving to the seaside!? And after all this time has Adam even had a blow job off her yet? She looks to me like one of those women that still won't do that. I reckon it's why he chose to go away.


In the next advert I'd like to see Adam surprise Jane by arriving home from Cornwall. He sneaks in the house and into the living room with his bags under his arms expecting a big hug from Jane, only to find her on all fours on the rug surrounded by a rugby team all coupled together in some sort of steamy sexual scrum and all the while she's on the phone to some dodgy old man explaining what's happening to her as she's set up a premium number adult sex line to earn some extra cash, you know, what with the baby on the way and everything.

It ends with her noticing Adam in the doorway and then all the grunting and thrusting stops dead and everything goes silent and Adam drops his bags...and all you can hear as they stare at each other in utter disbelief is the old man on the other end of the phone shouting "you love it don't you YOU LOVE IT...does your husband know what a whore you are?"

It's comedy gold, GOLD!! So anyway, what would you like to happen and why?