We're doomed. Good luck everyone.

This is what we've been saying here on the blog for many months now. It's every man woman and child for his her and itself. Good luck everyone.

Get the fuck out

So today's amusing NHS related anecdote involves a district nurse. She'd been sent over to see me by my GP. To touch base with me. I don't like it that we're touching base with each other in this country now. I was OK touching base with co-workers in the US of States, when in Rome and everything, but we shouldn't be touching base with anyone in this country. We'll be giving each other a heads up next.

Anyway I digress. This woman in her blue tunic looked just like Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. She was maybe 5ft tall but very fat so was almost perfectly spherical and she perched herself on the side my sofa with her two feet swinging away beneath her. I was immediately appalled by her.

I did not offer her tea and certainly not a biscuit.

I cannot take health care professionals seriously who clearly have no interest in their own health so the plan was to roll this woman out of the house as soon as possible. I told her briefly as possibly the things I'd told my GP, about what I want to occur when it's time and why and she nodded sympathetically.

I told her briefly about my condition and history. She nodded sympathetically. When I was finished there was a few seconds of silence before she responded with, "and do you have any problems with bed sores, do you need a cushion?"

Bed sores? I've just been telling you the end is nigh for me. My lungs are essentially just filling a hole in my chest, they serve no other purpose. I don't want a transplant, I don't want resuscitating, I don't want a funeral etc etc and all you've got for me is "do you have any problems with bed sores."

In my head I told her to get the fuck out of my house. But I'd obviously scared her shitless with all this lung talk and she was desperately attempting to bring the conversation down to something within her level of competency. District nurses know only how to treat bed sores it seems and help people urinate. Everything else is far and beyond their comfort zone.

I explained I was OK on the bed sores front and she seemed quite pleased. Pleased enough to feel like she'd helped and could make her excuses and leave. She gave me her number and shuffled off towards her car where I should think she made for the nearest cake shop.

She remains of course the very last person I will call when I need assistance. The Avon lady will get a call from me before she does. It seems when people train to be nurses those who are competent are assigned to hospitals. Those who are a danger to themselves and their patients become district nurses.

Be careful out there people. Don't trust anyone. It's every man for himself. Good luck everyone.

On your bike Cameron

I was only just blogging this morning about how tedious this whole phone hacking thing was and then you suddenly hear that David Cameron might just have to resign and it suddenly becomes mildly intriguing.

Not quite 'exciting' as in real terms it means nothing to how this country is run as we're already controlled from across the Channel by lefty freaks who raise their children to be asexual and insist you can meet the entire continent's energy demands by harnessing the wind power of dives.

However, as David Cameron is largely responsible for destroying the Conservative Party which may have opposed the move to abandon our Sovereignty and national identity that was 1000 years in the making, I will be almost sexually aroused if the sword he lived by - the sword of whoring out his principles to the highest bidder - is the very same sword he is to fall on and finishes him off.

I've quickly had a bullseye at 7/1 with 2011 being the year of the next general election. I suggest you do the same. It's happening people, the end of the world as we know it. The days of us all scavenging in urban ghettos for food and water is almost upon us. It's every man for himself. Good luck everyone.

Eye spy with my bad eye

What in the name of Sam Hill is going on? Has everyone lost their long term memory? How are Labour politicians and sexually violent drug addict celebrities being allowed to appear on TV one after the other to express their outrage at the conduct of Murdoch's snooping Newspapers?

I can understand people don't like Rupert Murdoch's tabloid newspapers. But seriously, can people not see that this whole Guardian driven Murdoch witch hunt has nothing to do with phone hacking?

Can outraged twitterers not appreciate how unhealthy a newspaper industry in this country would be if it only had a liberal voice? Even the leftiest lefty can't surely believe that would be a healthy state of affairs, to have no branch of the media questioning the Government's actions?

* * *

How does Gordon Brown have the front to complain about his private life being invaded when as Prime Minister he was consumed by the need to control everything and everyone in the country. If Brown had had his way we'd all have been catalogued on various databses, anyone coming within twenty metres of an under-18 would be vetted and placed on any number of registers. IN Browns Britain we were all guilty until we proved our innocence. Not to mention the 2011 Census, the most invasive ever, which asked who we had staying with us on a specific night, and indirectly which team we bat for.

The ID card scheme dreamed up by Labour would have had our whole lives detailed on a chip that any spotty hacker could gain have gained access to and we wouldn't be able to so much as sneeze without someone knowing about it.

Regardless of this, Gordon Brown feels justified in his complaint simply because the Sun abandoned him prior to the last election. Has did John Prescott who of course was caught by the News of the World fucking his secretary in his office while his wife was at home cooking his pie dinner.

Alastair Campbell also felt he was within his rights to complain about the lack of tabloid journalistic integrity despite manufacturing with Tony Blair a reason to go to war in Iraq and cozied up to the Murdoch papers himself. Cunts.

Steve Coogan who has taken millions of pounds from Rupert Murdoch to star in his films didn't feel at all hypocritical in his crazy eyed rambling diatribe against the News of the World on Newsnight last week simply because they exposed his infidelity, drug taking and his extremely creepy sexual fetishes.

Hugh Grant also was suffering from an incredible bout of selective amnesia on Question Time last week, again delivering a pious sermon about morals despite cheating on Liz Hurley by asking a Prostitute to suck his cock on a freeway in Los Angeles in 1995.


They're of course only allowed to get away with this because they and the news media they appeared on are all singing from the same lefty sandal wearing song sheet. They're allowed to rant and rave about this without any sense of irony or cross examination because it's all just one gigantic sickening hummus fueled right bashing leftyfest.

This is all well and good, but this triumphalism will only end in tears. The only people that can possibly benefit from having a media that is nothing more than a mouthpiece for the Government are the Government. If Guardian readers think the politicians care about them, they're even more naive than I thought they were.

Without a free left and right leaning media our MPs will be free to dismiss our concerns, ignore their responsibilities to us and tie each other up with duct-tape, insert fruit into each others arses and whip each other in sickening S&M evenings in the Palace of Westminster while they cede power to the EU who will see us all eating each others children by the end of the decade.

Which in fact, is what has happened. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's every man for himself people. Good luck.

Ciao Italy

Italy on the brink of financial ruin in part because most
Italian adult males spend their time scooting about on Vespas
shouting 'ciao' at women instead of working and paying taxes

As we speak Italy's economy and ability to govern itself is disappearing faster than my chips in the first three or four hands of a typical Pigeons poker game. Meanwhile the media in this country prefers to ignore this and continues to squabble with itself about power under the guise of matters of ethics and scruples.

The twenty or thirty sandal wearing Guardian readers who still buy the paper remain upright atop their high horses mistaken in their belief that this whole "hacking" broo-haha is about protecting the privacy of the average hummus eater on the street and the moral standards of journalism (a contradiction in terms no?) and not stopping Rupert Murdoch from holding the lefty sandal wearing media consensus to account with right leaning TV news channel.

I do not understand the tangled web of banking miscegenations that have caused us all to teeter on the brink of an economic abyss that will see us all living in ruinous villages dressed in rags and cricket gloves and American football shoulder pads like in Mad Max. A world where petrol is worth more than gold and little children are eaten when there's nothing else in.

What I do know is, that we're doomed. From reading Tim Hardford's book "Adapt" I was able to appreciate that we're fucked. The problem here is how closely the world's banks are coupled together like train carriages.

When one goes off the rails they all do, because the links between them are not loose enough or far apart enough for the other carriages to uncouple themselves in time before they're carried off into a ditch too and everyone is riding on this train.

If Italy goes the way of Greece, which is now inevitable, then the moment when we all have to contemplate eating each other to stay alive, like that Argentine rugby team who crashed in the Andes had to do, looms ever larger.

According to an old man dressed like a wizard who was shouting incoherently at people in the street a few nights ago near my house, the only thing that can prevent a European and subsequent global financial meltdown because of a tiny bunch of greedy bastard EU obsessed politicians, is another war. It's like wiping everything clear and starting again.

We've been warning against this on the blog for some time now but as each European nation folds in on itself and war becomes an increasingly obvious inevitability, out media buries its head deeper and deeper in the sand preferring instead to focus on nasty old Rupert Murdoch and the crusade to prevent him owning 100% of a company he already really owns anyway.

It's every man for himself people. I suggest you all stock up on beans, water, boards games and cricket gloves. You're going to need them. Good luck everyone.

Confirmed. We're fucked.

We're fucked. There's really no hope for us. We're doomed. It's every man for himself. If you were in any doubt as to how seriously our politicians are taking the plight of the nation and the crap heaps in which they've unnecessarily landed our armed forces, you just had to watch David Cameron playing table tennis with Barack Obama to have all of your worst fears and suspicions confirmed...they couldn't give a flying fuck.

While we stand inanimate like a domino waiting to be toppled over in an economic Europe-wide melt-down, and while we're fighting two wars, our Prime Ministers meets with the President of the United States not for emergency talks, but to play ping-pong.

I can only assumed they got all the serious business of our impending bankruptcy and the security of the globe squared away by email or something to be able to find the time to fuck around with some school kids and freeing up Obama's schedule affording him time to spend two days with the Queen looking at portraits of famous battles won by the British Army in the 19th century most of which involved us slaughtering Obama's ancestors and stealing their land.

I have a vivid imagination, but even I couldn't conjure up images of Winston Churchill striding out to the wicket at Lords for a photo-op with Franklin D. Roosevelt teaching him the intricacies of a good forward defensive stroke while US and British forces prepared for the D-Day invasion of Normandy.

I like Obama, even if he doesn't know what year it is. But it's clear that he is as lost for answers to his own nation's problems as Cameron is for ours, but at least I think Obama cares that he doesn't have a scoobies what to do.

I think it actually does bother him how monumentally naive he was in his estimation of what he could achieve as President. And I think he is embarrassed just how much he underestimated the task and how ridiculous all those grandiose speeches now seem. Cameron on the other hand is having the time of his life.

They all are. Clegg, the Cabinet, Miliband. They are all shooting off so many gay pheromones it's amazing they have the strength in their legs to stay upright when meeting Obama. I can just imagine Cameron pacing up and down the corridors of number 10 adjusting his tie and smelling his breath every two minutes until the $10m armored Jesus limo finally arrived. Oh my God oh my God oh my God he's here he's here, how do I look?

It's a fucking disgrace really. And it's embarrassing. We used to own Obama's country, both of them. Now our own Prime Minister can't even shake hands with the President of the US of States without climaxing.

If Cameron had any balls and cared about the future of this country he'd have pretended to forget Obama was coming, gone fishing and left him to endure a week of racist jokes from the Duke of Edinburgh. If America is to royally fuck us up again, it's only fair we return the compliment.

"How do you stop five Africans from raping a white girl?"

Proud to be British? Bit late for that.

With the eyes of the world on the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge,

a waiting footman takes a crafty peek down Pippa Middleton's top

It's an intriguing business this Royal Wedding. If the polls before today were to be believed almost no one was going to be watching it. Obviously this was bollocks as no one wanted to admit they'd be glued to it.

I myself had no intention of watching it, only because I'm almost never awake at that time of the day. However, due to an occurrence that occurred, I was awake and I clicked between it and the Aussie Rules Football on ESPN.

An interesting juxtaposition I think you'll agree. What's intrigued me more than how many people in this country have watched this thing, is how many people in other countries have tuned in. Republics..countries that are openly opposed to Monarchies.

The US of States for example. They've gone mad over it. They love the Royals. Love them they do. What on Earth was the War of Independence about if 245 years later you're all going to get up at 5am and watch a Royal wedding?

If you listen to Aussies like Cazillionaire Rupert Murdoch who shits gold, he'll tell you the Monarchy is the pinnacle of the class system. But he would say that. I'd probably say that too if my ancestors were transported to the other side of the globe for being flashers and underwear thieves.

Ben Elton famously moved to Australia as a protest against the Monarchy. Has anyone noticed he'd left? He felt they were parasites despite only costing the tax payer 36p a year. Old crones living in state sponsored housing.

One has to give the man credit for keeping a straight face while delivery such jaw dropping hypocrisy. A socialist, Mr Elton would rather see the state controlling everything, yet he's opposed to the Monarchy living in State sponsored accommodation?

A Republic isn't free from social strata anyway. You show me a Republic that doesn't have a class system in some shape or form. It doesn't exist except in episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, but even then it inevitably turns out to be an horrific dystopia where proles are kept underground and forced to wear tatty leather and unnecessary shoulder pads.


No..I've no problems with The Monarchy. Weddings I have problems with, but The Monarchy no. I'm cool with them. What has irked me today however is this nonsense about how everyone is so proud of being British. This in fact angers me.

These people are so proud of being British that they haven't noticed how being British is almost a criminal offense now because they have stood by and watched successive Governments over the past couple of decades sign away it's very Sovereignty, it's Britishness if you will - the centuries of history that the pomp and ceremony of today symbolises. ' Oh I don't really care about politics'..is the usual excuse.

D'uh fucking hell. People this ignorant should be tied to one of those enormous ceremonial horses and dragged through the streets of London until they have eroded such they can simply be mopped up with a sponge. If you were really proud of being British you'd take the time to understand how hard and bloody a struggle it has been over the past ten centuries to acquire these values and appreciate they need to be defended.


But fine then, if you only care about weddings fair enough, but of course because you don't care about politics and because you're too busy putting bunting up, that may very well be the last Royal Wedding you get to weep over as Great Britain is soon to be absorbed entirely into the European State.

Can people not understand this or see it? That means no more Royal Family people. No more street parties and those silly ornate mugs.

Instead it means men and lesbians from Germany telling you how to fill your dustbin and forcing you to measure your apples using the metric system.

There is nothing about Britain to be proud of because it barely exists. Everything that this country ever had to be proud of has been systematically dismantled, put in boxes and confiscated.

Handed over to Jerry in exchange for a silly blue flag and a new set of rules written in twenty languages except English so we don't understand them.

The Germans, who we defeated with no help from anyone else not 70 years ago, precisely to preserve our way of life and our values and our heritage and our friggin' Royal weddings. We have fought centuries of wars over our identity. What was the point of those wars? The millions of deaths? It wasn't so we could all be told what to do by someone called van Rumpey.


I give up on trying to work the world out when the people living in a country who fought a war to get away from our Monarchy will go mental over them and get up at 5am to watch live when they marry, and yet British people who claim not to care about them will waste a whole day off work to watch one of them getting married despite never having met him in person and drink in the Britishness of the occasion only to completely ignore or fail to appreciate that that very Britishness they so enjoyed today has to be defended.

British values have so eroded you can't leave a push bike unattended unless it's chained up because if it's just left on the front lawn some thieving European will have it away. Well same applies to Sovereignty people.

I've said my piece I'll bid you good night.

Congratulations Prince William, get stuck in mate,
before a German throws his towel over her.

If no one else is gonna say it then I will

I've just now heard they arrested the landlord of the girl who was murdered recently.

To be fair I thought it was going to be the boyfriend..I mean away in Sheffield...why would anyone go there?

But that was before I got a look at this dude. I don't mean to make light of such an horrific and grisly murder, but when you look at the guy you do have to wonder what the hell was he thinking?

I mean if you're gonna kill someone and it's someone who lives in the flat beneath you, surely..suuuuuurely you'd make some sort of an effort beforehand not to look exactly like a crazy murderer/rapist. The dude is a suspect on the strength of his hair alone.

With that in mind, I'm gonna go ahead and file this one away in the "crime of passion" category as opposed to "premeditated homicide."

Now I apologise of course for such a crass, tactless blog entry, but it needed to be said and if I'm the only one who thought this when he rolled up on the scene well you people must live in some scary places.

* * *

In other equally grisly news, rumour on the street is Sunday's episode of the Archers on radio four at 7:00pm which is the 60th anniversary episode, will feature an horrific Hungerford type gun massacre!

I mean really people, the Archers? My mum used to listen to that on Sunday's when I was a child. I hated it because it was so boring - back in the day it caused a scandal if two people kissed who weren't married. Now it's all racially motivated beatings and armed robberies. And we wonder why people can't even enjoy a pizza at home anymore without being seized upon and strangled. Sigh, we're dooooomed.

A ditch outside the Bull pub in Ambridge on Sunday

Hoorah, but we're doomed

We left-handed people have been subjected to a disgraceful but ignored discrimination for years, but Subway have taken up our cause with the introduction of left-handed subs. And about time too. No longer will I have to fumble awkwardly with ill shaped right handed sammiches. I've never felt so alive!!!

* * *

Nothing to hide: Mr Raffone yesterday

However in far more sinister news, we're doomed. Theresa May as we know, is a crazed feminist who is far too busy buying shoes to consider the consequences of her ill thought out discriminatory and invasive horse shit disguised as policy, but if we thought her "all-women" short-lists were the pinnacle of her suffragette inspired insidious lunacy we were very much underestimating her.

She has managed some how to persuade 1,000 families in Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire to trial 1984 style home telescreens that will give each family's local police stations a 24 hour a day window into their homes. According to Mzzz May this will make domestic violence a thing of the past as well as child abuse and promote a happier more loving environment in the home.

Michael Raffone 44, from Winslow in Buckinghamshire is one of the poor deluded saps who thinks this is a cracking idea. "I signed my family up for the scheme because I think it is a natural progression from the CCTV surveillance in the streets. We don't notice that now do we and it obviously deters criminals, so why wouldn't you want one in the home? The excuse that it's an invasion of privacy is pathetic. Do you want our children and women safe or do you want to be able to have a shower without being seen? Unless you have something more sinister than your modesty to protect you should not have a problem with this."

If the trial is successful Theresa May would like to see the scheme extended nationally on a voluntary basis and ultimately brought into law by 2014. I for one see no flaws in this plan. I see nothing wrong at all in assuming every man's guilt as either a wife beater or nonce until they can prove otherwise and can't see how anyone considering where this will all end might then immediately hack out their own jugular with some scissors.

As if this wasn't utterly terrifying enough, Theresa May also announced that a further 1,000 "random" UK citizens will be receiving a visit from a Government official (how sinister?) in January who will present the poor bastard with a catalog of their web-searches, emails, tweets and text messages and "discuss" with them anything at all they have deemed to be either illegal, inappropriate, racist or pertaining to acts of terrorism.

This rather intriguing intrusion into our lives (legal under the Terrorism act 2006), was quietly announced the day Prince William announced his engagement to the Middleton woman and so received no media attention. Well, splendid. That's me not answering the door until February then.

Full article here: www.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1342076/1984-telescreen-a-reality.html

Nowhere to hide: Mr Raffone tomorrow