Couldn't destroy a pork pie, of the day

Gordon Brown was so furious, so upset, so traumatised by the Sun revealing his son had Cystic Fibrosis that he subsequently attended Rebekah Brooks' wedding, her birthday party and hosted a sleepover for their kids at Chequers.

Furious he was. Furious. And at no point did it occur to him that as the nation hated him for being an emotionless monster, he might actually benefit from this story as he might appear more human and win some sympathy.

It would be incredibly cynical to suggest he continued to whore out his dignity to News International after the Sun's revelations about his son as he assumed he would win the paper's support at the next general election when he would be the Prime Minister and it was worth it in the long run.

An assumption that proved to be bollocks anyway as they ditched him in favour of Cameron on the day of his big conference speech. After which Brown then warned the Sun he would "destroy them." Which I assume he's attempting to do now. Only he's so incompetent in everything he does he's actually helping them recover as everyone hates him more than Murdoch.

Twat.

Eye spy with my bad eye

What in the name of Sam Hill is going on? Has everyone lost their long term memory? How are Labour politicians and sexually violent drug addict celebrities being allowed to appear on TV one after the other to express their outrage at the conduct of Murdoch's snooping Newspapers?

I can understand people don't like Rupert Murdoch's tabloid newspapers. But seriously, can people not see that this whole Guardian driven Murdoch witch hunt has nothing to do with phone hacking?

Can outraged twitterers not appreciate how unhealthy a newspaper industry in this country would be if it only had a liberal voice? Even the leftiest lefty can't surely believe that would be a healthy state of affairs, to have no branch of the media questioning the Government's actions?

* * *

How does Gordon Brown have the front to complain about his private life being invaded when as Prime Minister he was consumed by the need to control everything and everyone in the country. If Brown had had his way we'd all have been catalogued on various databses, anyone coming within twenty metres of an under-18 would be vetted and placed on any number of registers. IN Browns Britain we were all guilty until we proved our innocence. Not to mention the 2011 Census, the most invasive ever, which asked who we had staying with us on a specific night, and indirectly which team we bat for.

The ID card scheme dreamed up by Labour would have had our whole lives detailed on a chip that any spotty hacker could gain have gained access to and we wouldn't be able to so much as sneeze without someone knowing about it.

Regardless of this, Gordon Brown feels justified in his complaint simply because the Sun abandoned him prior to the last election. Has did John Prescott who of course was caught by the News of the World fucking his secretary in his office while his wife was at home cooking his pie dinner.

Alastair Campbell also felt he was within his rights to complain about the lack of tabloid journalistic integrity despite manufacturing with Tony Blair a reason to go to war in Iraq and cozied up to the Murdoch papers himself. Cunts.

Steve Coogan who has taken millions of pounds from Rupert Murdoch to star in his films didn't feel at all hypocritical in his crazy eyed rambling diatribe against the News of the World on Newsnight last week simply because they exposed his infidelity, drug taking and his extremely creepy sexual fetishes.

Hugh Grant also was suffering from an incredible bout of selective amnesia on Question Time last week, again delivering a pious sermon about morals despite cheating on Liz Hurley by asking a Prostitute to suck his cock on a freeway in Los Angeles in 1995.


They're of course only allowed to get away with this because they and the news media they appeared on are all singing from the same lefty sandal wearing song sheet. They're allowed to rant and rave about this without any sense of irony or cross examination because it's all just one gigantic sickening hummus fueled right bashing leftyfest.

This is all well and good, but this triumphalism will only end in tears. The only people that can possibly benefit from having a media that is nothing more than a mouthpiece for the Government are the Government. If Guardian readers think the politicians care about them, they're even more naive than I thought they were.

Without a free left and right leaning media our MPs will be free to dismiss our concerns, ignore their responsibilities to us and tie each other up with duct-tape, insert fruit into each others arses and whip each other in sickening S&M evenings in the Palace of Westminster while they cede power to the EU who will see us all eating each others children by the end of the decade.

Which in fact, is what has happened. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's every man for himself people. Good luck.

The dog's name was Nigger, end of.

Dambusters pilot Guy Gibson's dog "Nigger" (latin for black) is to be renamed "Digger" in a remake of Dambusters just in case it offends anyone in America.

Where to start with this kind of thinking? Who really is going to be offended by this? It's a dogs name not a racial slur. And so called because Nigger is latin for black not because Guy Gibson associated black people with Dogs.

It must surely be incredibly patronising and insulting to any black person that the writers of this remake, Stephen Fry and Peter Jackson think they won't be able to cope with this and need people like Stephen Fry to be offended on their behalf. Only PC obsessives could find a problem here where their clearly isn't one.

You can't just re-write the past anyway simply because by today's values it might be unpalatable. No one in America has done that with any other historical film I can think of. Full Metal Jacket and Platoon seemed to do OK at the box office.

The Dirty Dozen set during the same period managed to be fairly successful despite including the line spoken by Telly Savalas' character, "Sir, do we have to eat with niggers." And that really was racially offensive. Not much grey area with that question.

Even if Barnes Wallis owned a pet monkey called nigger and actually hated black people you still have to include it in the re-telling of the story if the monkey was relevant to the event because it would be a part of the history of it all.

Even though there is nothing to be offended about here Stephen Fry is intelligent enough to know we evolve from learning from our past prejudices, not from attempting to erase them. And so what if they were offended? Worst case scenario the black community in America don't see the film because the dog was called Nigger, so what? They wouldn't surely have expected the script writers to change the name for their sake would they.

So this must only be about money, being overly cautious so every one goes to see it. Which kind of betrays their laudable motives for changing the dog's name in the first place. I preferred Stephen Fry when he went into hiding because of being terribly confused. At least when he wasn't around he couldn't fuck up a decent war film.

Lessons to be learnt

From Richard North's EUReferendum site: The story repeats itself

Whatever Transport Secretary Philip Hammond and his ridiculously named "Cobra" emergency response committee may say, or the Met Office, or civil aviation authority, about lessons learnt from last years months long horse shit from dangerous Icelandic ash clouds, they are still fucking everyone around unnecessarily.

The problem is they're using computer models to explain why an Icelandic volcano means we can't fly to the Canary Islands for a week or two of drinks and nookie. The same computer models that have predicted in the past that by the 21st century anyone wishing to venture out to the coast for the weekend will head to Cheltenham.

What is actually needed of course is that fooking airplane with all the gadgetry and the boffins to operate it all, to fly through the ash and around and about it and tell us exactly how dangerous it is.

This was not possibly last year because there's only one plane capable of doing it and it was being painted at the time. Yet with all this guff about lessons learnt, it's also not available now because..it's busy.

You'd have thunk given how many billions of monies the delays must have cost everyone, quite apart from the thousands of people who were stranded in foreign lands without sufficient underpants, they might have considered maybe clubbing together with other EU Governments and fixing up a couple more of these planes just in case like.

But no. Computer models is the way forward still. Computer models the like of which predicted there would be no polar ice caps by 2010, and people in North Western Europe would be barbequing on Christmas day for ever more until it all got so hot we were all burnt alive.

All of them, absolutely sodding useless cunts. And you can quote me.