21 February 2011

Now then ...now now then. Now.

Yesterday's attempt to take down the Pigeons game was an exercise in futility and you know how much I hate exercises. Various ominous omens had presented themselves to me throughout the day, the most significant of which occurred on my way to the pub.

I got trapped in a car wash! Trapped like a rat squeak squeak squeak. I had significant bird poo on my car as it's that time of year when a murmuration of Starlings dumps a daily payload of some twenty tonnes of acidic shit on my street.

So,.. it's a standard car wash kind of deal. You type in your code, you drive into the thing, turn the engine off and sing along to Roxette while the huge rolls move up and down the car scratching your paint work to shit.

Only this time they didn't. They stopped half way up my windscreen and then the whole mechanism just stopped. Now bearing in mind a big shutter comes down at the front, the only way out at this point was to reverse out.

Had I been a woman I could have still been there now as to reverse out one also has to negotiate a tight 100˚ corner and slip into a parking bay, a manouever which is impossible to execute without mans brains. Frightening!

So anyway, I'm obviously very very traumatised by this as I'm very claustrophobic and I could have died. I also must have looked like a right cock.

So my mind was not focused on the game. Coupled with how shagged I feel at the moment, I'm quite proud of myself once the game started I was able to accomplish more than just wetting myself. Fun times.

Too much fun for one weekend in fact as it's the big house for me tomorrow. They won't be happy with me. It's a good job they don't have any beds available on their ward or any nurses or anything as they may have insisted I stay a while. Phew!

I'm OK with this however. While I treat myself at home I have a couple of weeks now to tweak my strategy some more and analyse the data I collected yesterday. I was bluffed for example by Stevie v.01 and it was of course imperative we figure out as soon as possible whether he just out played me or whether I was distracted by the loud clicking noise in my head and the warm sensation that was spreading in my groin.

To be fair, I've since run that hand through the computer and with a 2% margin for error it seems I played the hand no better than Policeman Paul's Alsatian. With this in mind I have agreed with myself that last night's Pigeons game and the car wash incident did not in fact happen. Further more, Arsenal did not draw with Leyton Orient either.

Brrrrrrrrr and FORGET!

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