4 February 2011

Friday round up

A protester in Egypt who is not Cesc Fabregas
despite what David Moyes would have you believe.

What's happening to the world? It's all gone cwazy. The Middle East is imploding, America is freezing and depending on who you listen to, Queensland in Australia is either sinking because of man made global warming or being punished by the Lord for decriminalising homosexuality in the 1990s.

On that last one in fact, according to my calculations it's 7% more likely to be God's punishment than AGW, but that's a discussion for another day. Here in the Englands it's very very windy and I'm just now hearing that the Subway place has run out of Chipotle Southwest sauce just as I've discovered a taste for it. What the hell is going on man?

Everything was OK in the world up to about 1982 when Argentina invaded the Falklands. I was 7 years old. My school work was good, I was popular, I was also probably the best player of 'Junior Angler' in the world.

Then after April when the Argies invaded everything seemed to go wrong not just in my life but with the whole world.

There was the unfortunate business with Sarah Colley and my subsequent exiling to the naughty table.

This in turn meant I lost touch with friends, I lost my sparkle and with it my interest in Junior Angler. I went off the rails quite frankly and I was never really the same. And as if I was some sort of physical embodiment of everything, the world also began to break apart.

Despite the defeat of the filthy Argies I don't think the UK was ever the same and because the UK set the tone for the World, the entire globe suffered. It's all the fault of Sarah Colley. Everything we're witnessing now can be regressed back to my time in Primary School and Sarah Colley telling tales. Bitch.

* * *

I've just been putting together the final touches to my new Pigeons game strategy. As I've mentioned on twitter it's an avian based strategy this week quite apt for the location. This week I'll be looking to better utilise the Canary raise and the Cuckoo squeeze in conjunction with paying attention and looking at my cards.

Canaries as we know were once used in the mining industry to test dangerous mines for noxious fumes. They'd send them down the shafts and if when they pulled them out they were still alive, they'd know it was safe to send humans.

A canary raise works in much the same way and is a part of the feeler bet family of bets, but can also be used pre-flop out of position while holding junk. If not met with resistance we can then assume it's safe to send in a proper wager on later streets.

We'll also be seeking to deploy the Cuckoo raise, which is essentially a slow played hand or a squeeze bet but with a funnier name. A tactic I haven't used often enough. Cuckoos as we know don't build their own nests they just take nests built by other birds.

In a poker context we essentially let other players bet for us and when they have built the pot to a sufficiently large level, we swoop in and steal it.

I see no reason why I shouldn't win, but in case we don't I've prepared a back up strategy based around traditional biscuits.

* * *

The inaugural 'Puto de la semana' award on the side bar has been fiercely contested. Richard Hammond, Sally Bercow and Bill O'Reilly are all equally deserving, but I have decided to award it to David Moyes.

Mostly because his moment of whoredness has lasted all week. Indeed it's continuing as we speak with his whiny Fabregas complaints. Keep going you ginger whore and you might win it next week too.

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