29 September 2010

Montgomerie a dirty old bastard?

Montie in Prague earlier in the year?

So it looks like Colin Montgomerie's world is about to implode as well as his colon and not just as a consequence of a sound defeat by the US of States in the Ryder Cup. From various gossiping type sources on the internets it seems he's a kinky old duffer and is investing thousands of monies in lawyers to keep pictures of himself dressed in various S&M get ups out of the tabloids (or specifically the News of the World). Stuff that makes the gimp suit in Pulp Fiction look like formal evening wear.

If the rumours are to be believed he actually has a sparrow loose in his arse as we speak, which was inserted by Lady Xtreme in a brothel dungeon in Prague some four months ago, but which Montie has been unable to evacuate.

Montie denied these pictures existed in an interview in the Mercas in August and insisted the only birdies he wanted to discuss are the golfing sort as he fidgeted uneasily on his chair and a muffled tweeting noise was heard. Interesting exchange however with one of the golfing journo's:

"Q.: Monty, I don't know if you're aware, your old friend, Feherty went on a nationally syndicated radio show yesterday and talked about the existence of a super injunction in the U.K. that would bar some potentially embarrassing personal photos, wonder if you want to confirm, comment, deny the existence of those and how it might affect your captaincy at all.

CM: Yeah, obviously I listened to that radio show and I know a lot of you are having a lot of fun right now at my expense.

Let me clear this up, though, that I can categorically say that there's no injunction against the News of the World. I'm really not going to discuss this any -- any further. All I can say is categorically there is no injunction against the News of the World regarding anything.

I apologize for this, that you have to bring this up, but at the same time, no further -- no further comments from myself on that matter."

Notice, the reporter doesn't actually mention the News of the World by name. Just that there's a super injunction taken out. It's only Montie who mentions that paper specifically. Clearly then it's all true. Dirty bugger.

The legal bills will cripple him financially, yet ultimately there's very little he can do to stop these snaps from appearing in the News of the World eventually so these legal wranglings make no sense to me.

The fact is he just looks like someone that has some appalling sexual fetishes anyway, so any evidence confirming it is no biggie really. Just a case of..meh, thought so.

Aside from this though, if he's prepared to wear some of the sickening daywear Ryder Cup teams are expected to sport, what's the beef with the world seeing you in a leather vacuum suit attached to an unidentified cellmate by rubber testicles hand-cuffs in a bespoke sexual dungeon in someone's basement?

We all have our unique sexual eccentricities. I myself am turned on by [female] newsreaders and sometimes by really really fat women if I've had a lot to drink and not much to eat, but I'd much rather be pictured licking custard of an obese newsreader than snapped waiting to tee off in a beige tank top with salmon undershirt and greenish piss smelling tweed slacks and you can quote me.

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