23 September 2010

It was never going to be a success

The Commonwealth stadium in a couple of weeks

I had no idea the Commonwealth Games was about to start, but thanks to a series of safety concerns ranging from the threat of terrorism, to the threat of the the various venues collapsing because they were all built by a team of child labourers with bricks made from wet newspaper and elephant dung, I can't wait for them to begin.

Let's face it now, we all have a morbid fascination with disasters. Any news story containing the words "stampede" or "crush" or "death toll" has a guaranteed captivated audience. I suspect in fact that these safety issues were all dreamed up by the organisers to boost the ratings for a games which surely would have been largely ignored, and also to give the local athletes a chance of not coming last in every event if they can get almost all other nations to pull out.

I for one will tuning in each day hoping to witness an horrific disaster. I could Sky+ it all, but it's not the same unless it's live is it. The best action I hear should come from the weight lifting venue where the roof has been constructed with a newly discovered metal heavier than plutonium, while the walls are made from a planks of wood held together with selotape.

I'm not sure whose bright idea it was to award the games to India in the first place. A country with a worse rail network than England's, where the Bubonic plague is still rife and almost entire villages can be wiped out when someone burps, is surely not the ideal environment for finely tuned athletes or teams from the Commonwealth to exhibit their talents.

The high speed rail link from the athletes village to the stadium. A journey of four miles
which would usually take two days will now only take 18 hours.

I'm sure India are doing their best and will find a way to make the games a success. After all, this is a country where 99% of it's population seem to live in conditions that make a ditch in Glasgow seem like the lobby of a five star hotel in Dubai, but also some how has financed a Space program. A country of contradictions is putting it mildly.

It'll be difficult for the athletes to perform at their peak if they've been up all night shitting blood and sweating out Madras sauce and panicking every time they hear a creak in the ceiling, but if anyone can make these games a success in the face of such adverse conditions it's India.

With this in mind, I'm betting the spread on death tolls; under 5500.5 for spectators at 6/5 and for athletes under 25.5 at 11/10

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