Why are the Daily Mail so obsessed with things that may give us cancer? If the Mail is correct, in order for us to avoid all forms of cancer we must sit perfectly still from birth and not consume any food or drink. We must also not open a window.
Of course, we would all be dead if we adhered to this strict lifestyle and dietary regime and the species would become extinct within a generation but sadly this is necessary if we're not to die from cancer.
Anyway, just typing out this blog entry has increased my chances of developing several cancers by 23% so I'm now going to sit very still on my new sofa and avoid any of these things:
ABORTION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1288955/Abortion-triple-risk-breast-cancer.html
AGE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-449783/Women-birth-age-30-double-risk-breast-cancer.html
AIR POLLUTION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-358875/Pollution-cars-linked-child-cancer.html
AIR TRAVEL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-200443/Frequent-fliers-raise-cancer-risk.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-591109/Cancer-risk-frequent-fliers.html
AIRPORT SCANNERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009947/Airport-scanner-row-leaves-angry-doctor-grounded-claims-machines-cause-cancer.html
ALCOHOL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-147083/Drink-day-increases-breast-cancer-risk.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-471910/Bowel-cancer-danger-just-glass-wine-day.html
ALLERGIES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-324732/Child-allergies-raise-cancer-risk.html
ARTIFICIAL FLAVOURS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-55023/Cancer-causing-chemicals-soy-sauce.html
ARTIFICIAL LIGHT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-391267/Artificial-light-increases-breast-cancer-risk.html
ASBESTOS (as if it wasn’t bad enough already) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1170584/Asbestos-schools-kill-pupils-warns-teacher-dying-lung-cancer.html
ASPIRIN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-205490/Asprin-link-cancer-risk.html
BABIES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-157683/Birth-size-link-breast-cancer.html
BABY BOTTLES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1038697/EU-rejects-ban-baby-bottles-linked-early-puberty-breast-cancer-miscarriage-infertility.html
BABY CAR SEATS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1388348/Is-babys-car-seat-causing-cancer-New-study-reveals-carcinogens-foam-padding-used-baby-products.html
BABY FOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-199887/Baby-food-cancer-alert.html
BACON http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1102368/Additives-used-bacon-ham-chicken-make-cancers-grow.html
BARBEQUES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-326153/Australians-warned-backyard-cancer-risk.html
BATH WATER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-431777/Chlorine-bathwater-linked-cancer.html
BEEF http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-393666/Alarm-beef-link-breast-cancer.html
BEER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1161843/Just-pint-beer-day-raise-risk-prostate-cancer.html
BEING A BLACK PERSON http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1064547/Black-men-times-likely-prostate-cancer.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-508753/Black-women-develop-breast-cancer-decades-earlier-white-women.html
BEING A WOMAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-63976/Cancer-risk-higher-women-smokers.html
BEING A MAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-306543/Men-twice-likely-die-cancer-women.html
BEING A SKINNY GIRL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1266092/Skinny-girls-greater-risk-developing-breast-cancer.html
BEING A TALL WOMAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2017080/Why-taller-women-likely-diagnosed-cancer.html
BEING SOUTHERN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1027331/Why-affluent-women-South-likely-die-breast-cancer.html
BISCUITS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-126342/Cancer-foods-avoid.html
BLOWJOBS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-453843/Oral-sex-cause-throat-cancer.html
BRAS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-182370/Is-bra-bad-you.html
BREAD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-411506/White-bread-increases-cancer-risk.html
BREAST FEEDING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-178756/Whos-risk-breast-cancer.html
BREAST IMPLANTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-41443/Breast-implants-cancer-scare.html
BROKEN HEARTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-450049/How-heart-broken-grief-send-early-grave.html
BUBBLE BATH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-403703/Is-bubble-bath-safe.html
BURGERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-467360/Cancer-scare-food-colour-added-sausages-burgers.html
CAFFINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1127473/Coffee-raise-child-cancer-risk-New-evidence-caffeine-damage-babies-DNA.html
CALCUIM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1052127/Fatal-cancer-risk-men-high-blood-calcium-levels-say-US-researchers.html
CANDLE-LIT DINNERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1207726/Candles-release-scents-laced-cancer-chemicals-warn-scientists.html#ixzz0dufFps6a
CANNED FOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-44676/Gender-bending-chemicals-tin-cans.html
CARBOHYDRATES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-313227/Low-carb-diets-beat-breast-cancer.html
CARS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-358875/Pollution-cars-linked-child-cancer.html
CEREAL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
CATS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2019170/Can-cat-cancer-Parasite-bellies-linked-brain-tumours.html
CEREAL BOXES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1364068/Recycled-cereal-boxes-contain-dangerous-levels-cancer-causing-mineral-oils.html
CHEESE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1002424/Italy-shuts-mozzarella-production-toxin-fears-spread.html
CHICKEN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-429303/Families-risk-toxic-imported-foods.html
CHILDLESSNESS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/columnists/article-474820/SUZANNE-MOORE-Im-sick-told-fault.html
CHILDREN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-506501/Prostate-risk-having-family-according-new-study.html
CHILDREN’S FOODhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-201390/Health-warning-childrens-food.html
CHILLIS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-347287/Cancer-checks-spices-new-food-dyes-alert.html
CHINESE MEDICINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-75547/Warming-cancer-risk-Chinese-medicines.html
CHIPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-487571/Parents-told-chips-cause-cancer.html
CHLORINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-431777/Chlorine-bathwater-linked-cancer.html
CHOCOLATE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-386625/Cancer-fears-chocolate-snacks.html
CITY LIVING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-496495/City-life-blamed-higher-risk-breast-cancer.html
CLIMATE CHANGE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-452789/Warmer-climate-mean-thousands-deaths-skin-cancer.html
COCA COLA http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-337178/Carrot-day-reduces-cancer-risk.html
COD LIVER OIL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-379918/Cancer-fears-cod-liver-oil-capsules.html
COLD TEMPERATURES & LACK OF SUNLIGHT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1267653/Cold-temperatures-lack-sun-linked-prostate-cancer.html#ixzz0ll1ioCBU
COFFEE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3027/How-healthy-cup-coffee.html
CONSTAPATION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-193698/Atkins-diet-cancer-risk.html
CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-181273/Cancer-risk-45-higher-Pill.html
COOKING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-382571/Frying-increase-cancer-risk.html
CORDLESS PHONES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-515970/After-cancer-warnings-mobiles-home-phone-putting-health-danger.html
CRAYONS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6706/Safety-alert-best-selling-crayons.html
CURRY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-342632/Cancer-dye-Grossman-curry-sauce.html
DENTAL X-RAYS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1283393/Ten-dental-X-rays-raise-cancer-risk.html
DEODRANT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-205705/Deodorants-linked-cancer.html
DETERGENT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2029873/Cancer-risk-perfumed-products-tumble-dryer-chemicals-air-vents.html
DIET COKE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1391395/Amid-health-fears-Diet-Coke-sweetner-safety-spotlight.html
DIETING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-73056/Is-diet-lifestyle-putting-risk-breast-cancer.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1266591/Dieting-really-CAN-harm-health-Slimmers-higher-risk-heart-disease-cancer.html
DOGS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-490581/Can-dogs-breast-cancer-Bizarre-medical-theories-experts-claim-actually-true.html
EGGS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-50995/Cancer-chemicals-eggs.html
EGGS (free range) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1287301/Free-range-eggs-contain-times-pollution-caged-birds.html
ELECTRICITY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-449679/Power-lines-link-cancer-new-alert.html
ENGLISH BREAKFAST http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1049142/Traditional-English-fry-raise-risk-bowel-cancer-63-cent.html
FACEBOOK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1149207/How-using-Facebook-raise-risk-cancer.html
FALSE NAILS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1174768/Having-nails-skin-cancer-doctors-warn-women.html
FATHERHOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-506501/Prostate-risk-having-family-according-new-study.html
FIBRE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4903/Fibre-cancer-risk-warning.html
FINGER LENGTH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1334573/Is-finger-length-clue-increased-risk-getting-prostate-cancer.html
FISH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-117840/Fish-cancer-scare.html
FIZZY DRINKS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1249305/Two-fizzy-drinks-week-raise-chance-getting-pancreatic-cancer-87.html
FLIP FLOPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1025915/Wearing-FLIP-FLOPS-skin-cancer-doctors-warn.html
FLY SPRAY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-459938/Using-pesticide-sprays-home-double-risk-brain-tumours.html
FRUIT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-371260/Breast-cancer-drug-cuts-death-risk.html
FRUIT JUICE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254534/Fruit-juice-cancer-warning-scientists-harmful-chemical-16-drinks.html
GARDENS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-326153/Australians-warned-backyard-cancer-risk.html
GIVING BIRTH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2035391/Breast-cancer-Having-daughter-gave-cancer--I-willingly-again.html
GRAPEFRUIT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-468559/Eating-grapefruit-increase-breast-cancer-risk-third.html
HAIR DYE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1017259/How-using-hair-dye-increase-risk-cancer.html
HAM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-490845/Is-safe-eat-Cancer-report-adds-bacon-ham-drink-danger-list.html
HEIGHT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1064454/Bigger-taller-baby-girls-higher-risk-breast-cancer-says-study.html
HONEY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-429303/Families-risk-toxic-imported-foods.html
HOT DRINKS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
HOUSEPRIDE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1296134/Could-houseproud-raise-risk-breast-cancer.html
HRT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1214782/HRT-increases-risk-dying-lung-cancer.html#ixzz0dueJ7qOY
HUGGING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-436043/Hugging-dad-gave-terminal-cancer.html
HULA HOOPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1055471/Cancer-chemical-Pringles-Hula-Hoops-Prince-Charless-organic-crisps.html
INTERNET http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-312505/Cancer-patients-risk-websites.html
IVF http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-148228/How-IVF-raises-cancer-risks.html
KIDNEY TRANSPLATS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-459097/TV-prize-kidney-carries-risk-cancer.html
LAMB http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-446559/Red-meat-link-higher-risk-breast-cancer.html
LARGE HEADS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-370870/Big-headed-babies-prone-cancer.html
LEFT-HANDEDNESS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-363477/Left-handers-likely-breast-cancer.html
LIGHTBULBS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-506082/Environmentally-friendly-light-bulbs-skin-cancer.html
LIPSTICK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-499967/Is-lipstick-giving-cancer.html
LIVER TRANSPLANTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-207838/Cancer-liver-transplant-killed-husband.html
LONG RING FINGER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1296364/A-long-ring-finger-mean-youre-prostate-cancer-risk.html
MENOPAUSE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-395201/Weight-gain-menopause-increases-breast-cancer-risk.html
MENSTRUATION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-68946/Do-women-need-periods.html
METAL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1081692/The-metals-daily-glass-wine-linked-cancer-Parkinsons.html
MILK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-328863/Milk-linked-ovarian-cancer.html
MOBILE PHONES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-473553/Orange-remove-mobile-mast-tower-doom-cancer-rate-soared.html
MODERN LIVING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-474157/Modern-living-blame-cancer-epidemic.html
MONEY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1025375/Wealthy-background-raise-risk-cancer-teenagers.html
MORPHINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1230208/Pain-drug-morphine-cause-cancer-spread.html#ixzz0dudlHqN2
MOUTHWASH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1113422/Mouthwash-causes-oral-cancer-pulled-supermarkets-say-experts.html
NUCLEAR POWER (there is no hint of irony in this article) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-42066/New-study-links-nuclear-sites-cancer.html
OBESITY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-245997/Obesity-raises-risk-cancer.html
OESTROGEN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4098/Oestrogen-link-breast-cancer.html
OLDER FATHERs http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1223025/Why-older-fathers-likely-children-genetic-disorders.html#ixzz0dudLlJsP
PASTRY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
PEANUT BUTTER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1164417/Food-watchdog-warning-peanut-butter-brand-containing-cancer-causing-fungus.html
PERFUME http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1051130/How-perfumes-scented-creams-make-unborn-baby-infertile.html
PICKLES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
PIZZA http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-341698/New-food-dye-warning.html
PLASTIC BAGS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1207840/Plastic-decomposes-sea-releases-cancer-causing-chemicals-study-warns.html#ixzz0duexZlFs
PORK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1093039/After-alert-Irish-pork-safe-beef.html
POTATOES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-115037/Cancer-chemical-link-cooked-food.html
POVERTY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/columnists/article-474820/SUZANNE-MOORE-Im-sick-told-fault.html
PREGNANCY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-82458/Breast-cancer-risk-career-women.html
PRINCE CHARLES ORGANIC CRISPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1055471/Cancer-chemical-Pringles-Hula-Hoops-Prince-Charless-organic-crisps.html
PRINGLES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1055471/Cancer-chemical-Pringles-Hula-Hoops-Prince-Charless-organic-crisps.html
RADIOACTIVITY (again, just no irony whatsoever) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-421140/As-radioactive-spy-buried-bar-staff-served-facing-cancer-risk.html
RICE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-444222/Rice-tainted-arsenic-raises-risk-cancer.html
SAUSAGES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-550729/Why-eating-just-sausage-day-raises-cancer-risk-20-cent.html
RETIREMENT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1220446/Oh-Work-good-especially-youve-retired.html#ixzz0ducbviCE
SEX http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-191219/Did-sex-cancer.html
SHAVING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-206459/Shaving-raise-cancer-risk.html
SKIING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-206243/Skiers-warned-cancer-risk.html
SOUP http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1132814/Salty-soups-increase-cancer-risk-says-expert.html
SPACE TRAVEL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1015482/How-astronauts-risk-cancer--premature-ageing--travelling-space.html
SUN CREAM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-592076/Cancer-fear-childrens-sun-creams.html
SWEETS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2028812/Womb-cancer-linked-sugary-diet-Sweet-snacks-increase-risk-33.html
TALCUM POWDER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1063040/Cancer-alert-talc-Women-using-powder-day-risk.html
TATTOOS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2032696/Now-tattoos-cancer-U-S-regulator-probes-fears-inks-contain-carcinogenic-chemicals.html
TEA http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-87131/Too-tea-treble-cancer-risk-women.html
TEEN SEX http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1237530/Girls-sex-teens-greater-risk-developing-cervical-cancer.html#ixzz0dudvXOF7
THIRD HAND SMOKE (read article and you'll understand) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1249591/Even-hand-smoke-dangerous--especially-children.html
TILL RECEIPTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1336770/High-levels-cancer-chemical-till-receipts.html
TURNING ON THE LIGHTS AT NIGHT TO GO TO THE LOO http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1265277/Cancer-danger-night-time-trip-toilet.html
VITAMINS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-320006/Vitamin-pills-cause-early-deaths.html
WAR IN IRAQ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1259393/Colin-Brazier-asks-Did-Iraq-war-cancer.html
WATER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13620/Cancer-link-tap-water-radon-hotspots.html
WELL-DONE MEAT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1267409/Well-cooked-meat-increase-risk-bladder-cancer.html
WI-FI http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-456534/The-classroom-cancer-risk-wi-fi-internet.html
WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-338899/Dye-alert-spreads-school-meals.html
WORKING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1031934/Why-men-desk-jobs-higher-risk-prostate-cancer.html
X-RAYS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-207035/X-rays-bring-risk-cancer.html
Good luck everyone.
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