14 September 2011

Champions League

I have spoken briefly to nurses Suki and Ling Ling today. They had occasion to try out a newly developed technique for relieving pain on a gentlemen which I am told involves the patient adopting a seated position in a corner of a small well ventilated room, while the two nurses wrestle in a small paddling pool filled with warm soapy water.

This technique which we here in the west have yet to adopt has produced remarkable results. Anecdotal evidence tells of a man close to death having been suffering from his brain rotting away.

After only a three minute bout he was skipping out of the facility grinning like a Cheshire cat. I am in a great deal of discomfort and although there is a danger this technique will cause me to asphyxiate, I feel at this late stage it is +EV roll of the dice.

So of course as you can see it is vital that this evening's Champions League wager which to be fair I can't even recall placing this morning, return a profit that will finally allow me to register Suki and Ling Ling's exit visa papers with a man called Dong from Shangwang who says he can sort things from there.

The wager is a standard yankee which will require wins for Manchester United, Inter Milan and Lille and a draw between the Villarreals and Bayern M√ľnchens.

I wanted to have a shilling or to on the boys to at least secure a point against Citeh, but I did not want to jinx them. Good luck with all your bets.

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