4 July 2011

Vajazzling!? *shakes head, walks off*

The woman's suffrage movement in the early 20th century where all manner of silly lesbian types hurled themselves in front of horses and chained themselves to various buildings is widely considered a success as it lead to women being given the vote.

It in actual fact it wasn't. Their tactics and behaviour actually hampered their progress...especially the classy idea between 1914-1918 of handing out white feathers to any man they saw not in uniform despite never actually bothering to check why they weren't off fighting in a French ditch.

The truth in fact is that women would have been given the vote a lot sooner than 1928 but Parliament didn't want to be seen to be giving it to these ultra-lesbian feminists.

The lesson here of course is that the tactics employed by these people is often counter-productive. When two parties are miles apart in their stance over an issue, no agreement can be made without concessions on both sides.

And we see this same kind of thing with the whoopsies too who express their demands to be treated equally by parading down the High Street in pink thongs and work boots.

Look of course anyone can wear what they want, but at least live in the real world, at least accept that appearances matter and if you float into the Army recruitment centre with all the masculine authority of Mr Fezziwig, wearing yellow cycling shorts and a leather vest, don't be surprised if they suggest you might be suited to a career anywhere else but fucking here.

Equality of course is a misnomer anyway. Equal to what? Or to whom? No one is equal. No group is equal. The best we can hope for is to be taken seriously. To be respected. For our opinions to be listened to and our reason and arguments reciprocated.

But if you act so individually, so outlandishly and so childishly - because it is your right to do so - then all of these things become impossible. To demand equality when you clearly make a point of not being equal is hypocritical. At least put some trousers on.

The feminist movement - the age old campaign to be treated seriously let alone equally - as far as I'm aware has never worked, or had a coherent central message, but whatever it is, whatever it stands for, it died the day someone invented vajazzling. I mean really, what the fuck is wrong with you people who are having this done??

Of all the ways to improve yourself, to get noticed, you want to shave your thatch off and cover your minge with twinkly bits. It's a funny old business when you want everyone to take you seriously but you're constantly altering your body with tattoos, fake tits, botox, L. Casai immunitas, bifidus diegstivum and now shiny twats. This is just adult arts and crafts. You're not 12! Get a fucking grip.

Even if this wasn't the most pathetic thing I've ever heard of, I'm afraid I've got a secret I must tell you womenfolk; Forgive me, but your fanny is ugly as sin even if you've got a nice one.

It's really one of the most disgusting parts of the body to look at or smell on a living person. It might feel fantastic to enter it with ones penis, but there's a reason why we can't see out of that 'eye.' Sex would be impossible if we actually had to watch our penis slopping in and out of there.

And if you've had kids and your fanny looks like a wizards sleeve, I'm sorry but you're having a fucking laugh if you think you can make it look in any way aesthetically pleasing by adding a golden glittery heart above it. Spray glitter on the Predator and it's just the Predator still, with some glitter sprayed on it.

Just stop this business. Just stop it. It's fucking stupid. Grow your thatch back. Did you never stop to think why you have pubes? It's to hide the grotesque folds of your chuff. It's why German 70's porn is more popular than contemporary stuff.

I've said me piece I'll bid you good day.

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