Gurken sind nicht Sex-Spielzeug

I'm glad cucumbers are getting some bad press at the moment. It's about time vegetables were given a hard time. It's always meat that's blamed for health scares. Apparently this e.Coli business in Germany has effected more female cucumber consumers than male. Up to a third more in fact. I wonder why this might be?

I use the word consumer as there's obviously more than one to enjoy a cucumber. And of course, while no one's saying so in as many words in the news media, the reason German woman are more at risk of this current outbreak, is because they shove them up their hairy German muschis.

A German woman impaling herself on a cucumber in this way and doesn't wash her hands afterwards is always going to feel a bit queasy in the following days. And there's a lesson in this for us all. Don't abuse nature in this way. If vegetables and fruits were meant to be used in this way they'd be self-lubricating. And also if they were meant to be eaten they'd taste like meat.

Leave vegetables to the rabbits people, you'll feel better for it. You've got teeth, use them. Meat for the win!