The End Credits

CABRONES,

If you’re reading this I’m afraid it’s because I have passed on, and not before time.

All of how I felt about life and death is well documented on this blog and the old one (http://voyporustedes.blogspot.com/) for all to see so I’ll spare you a lengthy grandiose philosophical goodbye speech.

You should all know for the most part I enjoyed my life, but am glad it’s over now.  In truth my life ended some months ago.  Had it continued any longer I would simply have died of boredom.

“Judge a man by the company he keeps.” Who said that?  Someone clever. Whenever I experienced any kind of crisis of conscience about the kind of person I was, I just reminded myself of the company I kept.  I always had such awesome friends…surely, they couldn’t all be wrong?

They probably won’t make a movie of my life, but I want to thank you all for the parts you played in my story.  It could so easily have been a painfully depressing straight to DVD waste of everyone’s time and money, instead you made it at least as good as anything Keanu Reeves was in and for that I thank you all from the bottom of blackened heart.

Right, I better go.

Via con dios, mis amigos, be careful out there.

Rich

Toot Toot

Is it me or does the "Fußball Arena München" look an awful lot like the Hindenburg airship that caught fire and disintegrated over Lakehurst, New Jersey attempting to dock after it's trip across the Atlantic 75 years ago on May 6th, 1937.  

I hope this isn't an awful omen.  I hope we're not now about to see a further Squareheaded disastrous disintegration inside a massive bubble.  As you may have gleaned, we here at the blog are invested in the Champions League final this even in favour of the Boche.

Jerry are clearly favourites, but making it to the final has taken its toll on their squad numbers. Player attrition on both sides in fact has meant the final will be played out with many of the best players watching from the stands.  

For this reason we are on Didier Drogba to score in 90mins at 12/5 as the dudes who would usually have covered him - Badstuber(?) and Alaba are suspended.

There's been talk of figuring out a way of preventing so many players from missing the final as a consequence of silly yellow cards.  My idea is for the managers to tell the players to stop getting booked needlessly.  And then, for the players to actually not get booked needlessly.  Only get booked for whacking another player so that it leaves a bruise, that's what I always say. 

We're also invested in Blackpool to win the play-off thing today in 90 minutes 3/1.  If there's a team that can come third in the league and then lose in a play-off final to a team finishing fifth and eleven points behind, it's West Ham.  Sam Allardyce deserves no better of course.

Finally, we've actually back a horse today.  I'm not keen however.  The Nile 3:20 newmarket 5/2.  If there's a bet I could have back this week, it would be this one.  But never mind.  You've got to laugh.  I'm off now for a snooze and then to prepare for winning so much money i'll be able to own Facebook in five years time when it's worth less than a book.  All abroad the good ship Hindenburg.  Toot Toot!

The day havoc cried

I haven't often agreed with Alex Ferguson, which I'm told keeps him awake at night, but I did when he was asked "how he felt" that night in Barcelona when Manchester United had just beaten Bayern Munich in the Champions League final with two injury time goals.

"Football, bloody hell!" was his response.  Fucking hell, was mine.  What else can you say really at moments like that, but bloody hell? Or a solitary, Fuck?  It sums it up perfectly. Bloody hell.  Rare moments those.  Those are the moments when I justify my love for football to myself, which is becoming an increasingly hard sell.

I warned on Saturday of the coming of chaos, and I think it's fair to say that was rather prophetic.  There's no other experience that I can think of off the top of my head that can put a person through such a torrid storm of emotions in one and half hours. The fact that it is just a game is irrelevant.  The emotions it provokes are very real and it's emotions that remind us we are alive.

But, life without pain has no meaning and after forty four years of it, Manchester City fans' lives have had enough meaning, they were ready for the good stuff, the stuff that makes no sense but you love how it feels.   

I was just blogging a few days ago about how the recent Manchester derby would be forgotten as it wasn't a title decider.  Arsenal's night at Anfield I explained, was a moment in history never to be repeated.  Well, I didn't expect City to score two goals in injury time to win a game they were losing to QPR - the team with the worst away record - and steal the title away from absolutely devastated rivals Manchester United.

United's players were still on the pitch in Sunderland trying hard to maintain their composure before they were officially proclaimed champions when City's winning goal was scored.  The announcement of 3-2 to City rather than Manchester United are Champions was not immediately understood by their players.

You almost felt sorry for them.  Almost.  That second of disbelief.  That horrible second where you hope you've misheard and the blood freezes.  The frantic search for a way for this not to have happened.  Then the realism you have been royally fucked for posterity.

It was such a moment in footballing history it has left me completely indifferent as we speak to Arsenal's qualification for the Champion's League again next season. The tottering ton's won, and that would have been intolerable for them to have qualified while we waited for Chelsea to seal our fate.

I'm sure the relief will wash over me when Chelsea either beat the Squareheads, or we thank our lucky stars when Totterinton are losing in the qualifiers to one of the big European teams they could end up playing, but for now,.... football, bloody hell! 

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war

West Bromich, yesterday

The military cry of "Havoc" was the instruction for the soldiers in the middle ages to go mental.  To pillage and chaos.  It's football equivalent, the whistle to start the games of the last Sunday of the season, is about to be blown.

Hold on to something chaps.  Especially if you're from Manchester.  Or if you support Manchester United.  I've got something stirring in my bowels and it's not that chicken Mexican wrap I ate yesterday. 

I was instructed by a higher power to invest a few shillings at 7/1 on Manchester City to win the derby game but for Manchester United to win the league.  Seemed like a standard throw away mug punt at the time.  But I'm now not so sure.  QPR only need a point to stay up.  That's park the bus-able.

I like it now.  It feels right.  I have visions in my mind of rows of rows of City fans in sky blue shirts hands on their heads in speechless despair.  A despair that is unique to football.  

As for Arsenal's trip to West Bromich.  Win or lose I still only see despair.  Whatever happens to Arsenal, at least we don't live there.

Good luck everyone.

Edit: Oh..out standing wagers's's's...(not sure if outstanding should be one word, only the will tell):

We've got a final mug's Yankee; wins required for Norwich, Stoke, Swansea and Sunderland.

We've backed Getafe (6.0) as we just cannot find any justification for Zaragoza being favourites (despite needing the win to stay in the La Liga).

Manchester United to become champions (second half of bet at 7/1 that needed City to win the derby game a couple of weeks ago, but United to be crowned champions).

Finally, we need the squareheads to win the Champions League next weekend.

fini.

Real Zaragoza again?

What are the chances of my blogging about Real Zaragoza two posts in a row? Totally unrelated posts too.

They have a chance to kick me in the bollocks once again.  And once again it's me going looking for it.

I have a routine in the morning.  I "get up" at about 8:00am.  I have a shot of morphine to take the edge of the day (why wait until the day's actually over?) make a cup of tea and I sit down at my computron to find out what's happened in the parts of world I'm interested in; Arsenal blogs and boards, Blonde Poker betting thread, the Twitters and the fucking hilarious Clients from Hell website.

I then absorb what I've been taken in - the knowledge and tea - during a nice nap.

Some time later I get back up again and re-read what I read earlier, just to make sure it wasn't a dream.  Only this time I have a sammich with me instead of tea.  I know, I know..you already wish you were me.

Anyway, three of these websites interconnected today.  Real Zaragoza was the common denominator.  They are priced at 1.64 to beat Getafe who are priced at 6.0 to win the game. The draw is trading at 4.5.

Now if you didn't know anything about the teams or the game, you'd assume Zaragoza were the home side or the form side at least or both, no?

As with the Premier League, this Sunday is the final weekend of La Liga's Primera Division. But it's Getafe who are safe.  Real Zaragoza need to win (and we here at the blog of course hope the are relegated because of the Nayim thing in 1995).

So how is a team second from bottom priced at 1.64 against a mid-table team with nothing to play for?  An equivalent fixture in the Premier League is Stoke's game against Bolton.  Stoke are the hoe team, they're safe in the league and favourite's to win the game at 2.4.  Bolton are 3.1 and must win.  The draw is 3.7.

Real Zaragoza has won 7 of the previous ten games, but is that all that's justifying the price? If they're second from bottom still after winning so many games how shit must they have been when they were losing?  They must have lost almost every week.

I don't see how a team who can still be second from bottom after winning seven of their previous ten games can be such a favourite against a team with an average record for the division.

In all games in Spain where this circumstance exists, where a team fighting for relegation is playing a "safe" team - the team that need the win always seem to be favourites.  But the results from previous season don't seem to warrant this cultural bias.  It's very mix and mash as to who wins.  There is no undeniable history of the safe team just giving the points away.

I'm assuming I'm missing something here. I'll back Getafe and then find out their striker for the game will be a fan who's won a competition run in the Club's match day programme to win a place in the starting line-up in the last home game.

I'm sure I'm missing some huge piece of information everyone else but me is aware of.  But until I find it I'm investing in Getafe.  I'm also backing Stoke to beat Bolton.  Stoke I think are the kind of team who never give anything away without a fight.

We will discuss Arsenal's plight tomorrow if we can bear ourselves to think about it.  I might just argue the cases for the Championship winning contenders.  I'm not so sure it's done and dusted just yet.

Nayim from the half-way line

May 10th. Paris Day.  The seventeenth anniversary of the crappest day of my life.  My friend and I travel to Paris to watch the Cup Winners Cup final.

When you read the ingredients of a Pot Noodle you know it's going to be bad for you, but you eat it anyway....despite us being college age, football loving, British lads on the piss on European soil, French soil no less,  we genuinely thought this was going to end well.

My Dad told me not to go.  Pleaded actually.  He knew me better than I did.  He also knew the world better than I did.  I'll be fine I thought.  What could possibly go wrong? It's me. Of course I thought that, I was 19 and my actions as far as I was concerned, held no consequences.

So off we set on Tuesday, arrival in Paris about 8pm, and arrested and locked up, at about 2am.  Oops.  Don't you hate it when your parents are right?

As it happens, they lets us out the next day roughly an hour before kick-off.  But with a mix-up with our tickets..(we didn't have any), we found ourselves at the ground needing some fast thinking to get inside.

Fortunately the French have very little scruples and health and safety regulations to them are adhered to up to a point where they become inconvenient so we were able to offer one of the guys at the gate a few Francs to let us in.

Hooray.  It'll be OK now we thought.  The luck is going our way.  As it happened the luck was not going our way.  I did see Arsenal's goal.  It was our end too.  But I also saw their second goal as it was almost hit from our end.  Nayim, from the half way line.

Why did it have to be him? Ex-Tottenham player, from about 50 yards, the 119th minute.  All we had to do was make it to penalties.  David Seaman was the penalty saving king.  Disaster.  And when the final whistle went, and we were pepper sprayed and beaten (again) by the French Gendarmerie, and cajoled down endless cobble stoned Parisian streets in silence, in the dark, whiteout a hotel room to go, to be so far from England, I couldn't help but wonder was it all worth it.

Course it was.  Fucking brilliant.

Target men

When the fans demand Arsenal buy a target man to ease the pressure off Robin van Persie I'm not sure this what they're talking about.  I think putting the team out in a shirt that looks like a big target is probably going to be counter productive.

Why don\t kit designers sod off?  These things aren't fashion gah damn you.  It's tradition.  Anyone who wears a football shirt out on a Saturday night is not going to have a job and he will almost certainly live with his mother.

There's no point targeting this demographic for their disposable income is spent entirely on computrons.  Leave fashion for people who go out.  And just protect football shirt traditions.  Arsenal play in red and White with white sleeves.  No blue.  And they wear yellow shirts away.

I know there have been Greens, whites and what nots but just do what I tell you Nike.  I know you read my blog. You're making us look like Man Utd nearly.

Mr and Mrs

Guess we know who the husband is. 

There was an article once in the current bun about Solomon Kalou and Obi-Wan Mikel behaving like a couple when they're together.  You can read it here in fact.  Apparently they're inseparable, and that was literally the case as the two began humping each other after the FA Cup final this afternoon. 

It was disgusting actually.  Really it was a fucking disgrace.

There were kids in that stadium and Catholics.  This is not some homophobic rant.  I would be saying the same if it was John Terry with a team mates wife.  There's a time and a place is all I'm saying.  Public displays of affection are just inappropriate.  Rabid humping like this was not that long ago illegal.

Hair

What is going on in Snooker with the hair-dos the players are sporting?  What..what are they trying to say with these arrangements?  In some cases they must really take a lot of time.  In all cases they look fucking ridiculous.

I know it's the 21st century and I'm not suggesting everyone should sport a short back and sides, but also, not everyone is David Beckham.  There's a limit to what you can really do with your hair before you just look like a twat.

David Beckham can do anything.  He can do anything to his hair, wear what he wants, he will always look cool.  Just because you do a game as a profession, don't think you can get away with Beckham's fashion statements.

Try to bare in mind snooker players, you are snooker players.  You are some of the most unhealthy looking people on telly..probably worse than darts players.  Don't flatter yourself,..whatever you think your hair will do for  your appearance, it won't. Would you put parmesan cheese on spaghetti hoops?

Mark Allen and Judd Trump especially...I've marked your card.  I suggest you make some changes.

Big day on the fitbah

It's all very tense stuff now each time the weekend rolls arounds.  Football, or fitbah, as they call it in the northern colonies which must be a gaelic word perhaps, is an unforgiving mistress at this time of the season.

This season more than any other in recent memory has churned out some crazy results.  Hopefully Arsenal's quota has already be filled this season with loses against Blackburn, swansea and more recently QPR and Wigan.

What we need now is for Arsenal to close out the season without any dramas with nice easy wins against Norwich tomorrow and WBA away next Sunday.

However, in case the Gods are still fucking about, we'd like to see Totterington lose to the absolutely appalling Aston Villa on Sunday.  Although we're actually on Villa for relegation - some compensation if Totteringtons do win.

We'd also like to see Manchester City to beat Newcastle.  Newcastle have more than a chance of winning this game.  It's at the Johnson and Johnson Sporting Goods Arena or whatever Newcastle's home ground is called now officially.  And I think it's fair to say after 35 games they're a genuinely good side.

We all thought they would disappear and end up about 11th but credit where credit's due.  Only Sunderland this time ended up doing that from the North East this year.  As a contingency wager, we're on Citeh to win the derby game but United to win the Championship.

I'm kind of looking forward to the FA Cup final.  Not sure why.  Liverpool are the luckiest team in the wide wide world of sports when it comes to cup games. I just have a feeling in my boots though that Kenny Dalglish is finally going to find out how it feels to lose a Wembley cup final.

There's something so unpleasant about Dalglish.  More than just his over-sized incisors which we assume he needs to kill chickens in the night.  His smugness, his misery, his arrogance to think he can manage a Premier League club in the 21st century when really his time was back there was one live game a week on the Big Match and the equivalent of Soccer Saturday was the vidi-printer which began showing scores at the end of Grandstand on BBC1.

Minors strikes, the IRA, football hooliganism, these are the things I associate with Dalglish and the sooner he's replaced with someone  less crushingly depressing the better we'll all be.

I'm backing Drogba to score any time 13/8 with BoylesSport - assuming he plays.  His record playing Liverpool or playing at Wembley is 15 goals from 34, which is almost exactly 11/9.  And why not?