Arsenal 5 Totterington 2

Now that's more like it. You didn't have to be an Arsenal supporter to feel that life affirming warmth on Sunday watching a tax dodger's collection of overrated monkeys from the colonies and sexually indiscriminate parvenu's from all over the place receive an absolute pasting from a fine upstanding band of heterosexual family men.

Of course from an Arsenal perspective this result will mean nothing if the chaps return from the northern hellish lawless badlands of Merseyside next weekend without any points or hubcaps, but we can still allow ourselves at least for a day to drink in the misery of that infestation crawling around our stadium from N17 yesterday.

From these Star of David waving, circumcised cocked, Kosher food eating verminous celebrations..

28min: Arsenal 0-2 Tottenham

To this; who amongst us can't be both appalled and elated in equal measure by this ménage à trios of abject incestuous misery?

FT: Arsenal 5-2 Tottenham

Obviously there will never be a time when Arsenal's whole season is considered a success just because we have beaten Totterington. Those is the low standards of our entirely uncivilised neighbours from N17. Arsenal of course set a different standard. We do not launch celebratory DVDs for a single matches or consider one season from sixteen as proof that a shift in power has occurred.

However, we must be cautious. However absurd the notion, we must never entirely dismiss the possibility that Tottenham might finish above Arsenal this season. As they are only seven points ahead at the moment, that seems almost impossible, but we must still never take anything for granted.

Enjoy yesterday of course. But once this typically pointless international round of friendlies is over we must concentrate fully on putting Totterington exactly where they deserve to be. Sort of 12th.

Good man, get it out of your system for tomorrow we go to work

You dirty northern bastards

North London derby this weekend. Not happy about this at all. Can't cope with the stress.

Whatever happened to the days when Tottenham at home was a guaranteed three points?

Whatever happened to the days when they were lucky if they finished in the top half of the table and Arsenal were unlucky if they weren't Champions?

I really like those days. A simpler time. A better time. Not like now though. Now everything's changed. Tottenham are better than us, women are playing rugby, everyone's eating French apples.

Can we not just for this weekend restore some normality to our lives and have the Arsenal give this stinking bunch of de-evolving scumbags and absolute pasting on Sunday?

Is that too much to ask? I'm not asking to win the fucking lottery am I? We're not that bad yet. Just a decent 3-0 thrashing. And maybe 2-3,000 of their fans losing their lives on the way home some how.

From a betting point of view I'm not going anywhere near this game. I should think the next game I will invest proper monies in will be England's friendly with Holland. Managed by Stuart Pearce I can't see how England don't lose by at least two goals.

He is quite simply the most emotionally disturbed individual currently involved in the professional game. He is absolutely mental. No control over his emotions whatsoever. You can't have someone like that coaching professional multimillionaire Prima donna footballers.

You can't have someone who actually thinks of football as real war screaming at 20 year olds who think of football as something they do for 90 minutes at the weekend which inexplicably they get paid millions for.

Stuart Pearce is a nutter who actually cries if he loses. That is someone with no perspective on life and is therefore not qualified to do anything except be a security guard for a big company where he can pretend he's in charge of the whole place and have lots of keys dangling from his belt.

England couldn't beat Holland even with good players and a proper sane manager, but with the team they will put out and Stuart Pearce threatening to kill them all at half-time I'm lumping on Holland and no mistake.

I know I was this enthusiastic about Spain beating England, but Spain would/should have won that game and they would have won too if Pearce was in charge. He's only got a job with the other teams because no one's courageous enough to say no to him.

Champions League

It's a funny old business this Champions League. I don't care for it myself. It's a two bob cup. I'd much rather finish fourth in the league and qualify for the Champions League than than win the er...Champions League.

However, from a betting point of view we have an excellent opportunity this evening to do our bollocks. Obviously as a Napoli fan I see no other conclusion to this evening's Anglo-EyeTalian confrontation than a satisfying 3-0 victory and then after the game maybe 10-15 Chelsea fans in hospital with knife wounds to the legs and buttocks.

However, at a price of 23/10 I'm starting to quite like the idea of investing a few shillings on a Chelsea win. Granted Chelsea are shit. But domestic form often does not translate to European competitions. I know no English team has won at the San Paolo stadium, but not many have played there in the Premier League era.

And I know that a lot of Chelsea fans are fat bastards, but the calling card buttock slash wounds from the Napoli Ultras can still be possible if the initial stabbing motion can penetrate deeply into the arse flesh.

I can see Chelsea winning tonight despite the club being in disarray. However, by way of playing it safe, I'm going to have a sneaky £20 on a red card being shown at 5/2 and a penalty being awarded at 9/4.

I shall also be on overs (2.5), with some other results tied into a naughty little yankee; A draw between Moscow and Real Madrid and Marseille and Inter and finally a win for the Squareheads against Basle.

And why not?

Men are better than women

click on image for the truth my fellow man

Blood in your poo

Have you seen these NHS bowel cancer awareness announcements? Why did they select "poo" as their term for our...our poo? That's not the medical term now is it? Have the BMA dumbed down their language to attract thicker students to the extent that faeces are called poo now? They call them stools at my CF clinic.

I can't take it seriously. I couldn't not laugh if my GP used the word poo either. It's wrong. Poo is one of the funniest words in the English language. Always will be. Is the penis now going to be the "willy"?

Is the vagina going to be referred to as the "fanny"? Do you experience itching sensations in your fanny? Is caked in something akin to cottage cheese? Go and see your GP then you dirty bird.

I fancy the average male with bloody poo will not be encouraged to see his GP as a consequence of these announcements.

Chop

So anyway yes,...I won a poker tournament this evening. Actually it was a chop, but I would have won as the poker Gods had been on my side all evening. I gracefully accepted a chop as my opponent had to rush home to wrap his wife's Valentines presents.

I myself had to rush home too as I needed to change into my new Onesie which arrived today and enjoy a hot whisky based coffee beverage before it was too late.

Tomorrow I plan to bank these monies and begin another double bag of sand challenge. I may also buy a nice jumper.

Doh!

Just managed to place the same 47/1 bet twice. Silly internets. I now need Wolves to win, who are 1-0 down and a red card to be shown in the Aston Villa Man City game to prevent a seethe.

The good news is of course I will have thousands of pounds to spend at about 6pm tonight.

Ooooh Wolves have scored as I type.

Saturday wagering

Liverpool introduce new kit mid-season. Angry parents on Merseyside

claim a full set of robes will cost almost two thirds of a week's benefits.

Feel a bit fucked off today really so I'm hoping Manchester United and Liverpool's game at lunch time is really really violent. I want it to include a variety of unsavoury moments and at least three players who need oxygen and morphine administered on the pitch.

If my sources are correct Liverpool are planning on sporting a one off kit for the occasion to 'get under Patrice Evra's skin' or words to that effect. I think i'll have a few shillings on a red card being shown in the second half and over 11 corners.

*Other wagers today will involve a few quid on Newcastle at 6s to beat Tottenham. I can't have Newcastle 5th in the table being a 6/1 shot against a Tottenham team about to lose their manager and with a lengthy injury list. And obviously the standing reason to bet against Tottenham; them being all horrible cunts.

Good luck with all your bets.

Update*: cunts.

Fab

Just for the record for anyone who thinks Capello was a failure; England historically win about two thirds of their matches. Say 66%. Capello won 67% of his. So he did what he should have been capable of doing according to England's over-all record.

The next guy will do the same. Whether it's Harry Redknapp or Jose Mourinho (who I'm backing at 14s to be the next guy in) or Guus Hiddink or whoever.

England don't have the goods to be champions of Europe or the World Cup unless they get very very lucky. To win they would have to beat too many better countries in successive games and with England's mentality which is always to find a way to lose, this is simply not possible.

If England want to have a successful European Championships or World Cup it's easy, all they have to do is redefine what actually is a successful tournament. Simply don't go into the stupid things expecting to slaughter everyone. Just be happy to have qualified. Let that be the success and think of anything after it as a bonus. Be happy to be there, just like countries such as Belgium and Portugal and Sweden.

Whether England want to believe it or not, that is their level. It's that or be pissed off and inconsolable looking like a cunt in the street with your silly St George's flag hat on pissed as a fart in a ditch and crying cause Germany have won again. I'm afraid I speak the truth England fans.

So there.

Just happy to be here.

Italian abandons sinking ship!

Abandoned at Birth

Captain Francesco Schettino

Fabio Capello

We can see you sneaking out

Harry Redknapp in films..

Escape from Alcatraz

The Shawshank Redemption

The Great Escape

Escape to Victory

Scum

Is this fair?

Obviously we here at the blog care very deeply about the suffering and hardship of anyone associated with Tottenham. But we also care about a fair system of jurisprudence.

As I understand it at Harry's trial eight of the jury members are men. The judge has appealed to them to set aside their football allegiances when coming to their decision and he probably told the women some stuff too...but anyway, if those eight blokes are Arsenal fans or Chelsea fans or West Ham fans, he's fucked isn't he.

Should the man go to jail simply because he was manager of Tottenham even if he is not guilty? Do we really want to live in a country where that can happen. And do think before you answer, as this is serious.

Yes, I do too.

Mug Punting

As it turned out I didn't have a good day yesterday. My bag of sand challenge was essentially over by half-time. Stupid sand. I might as well have another bash at it today however. It's the Superbowl and there's a cornucopia of opportunities to lose money.

I fancy the New York Giants. POssibly because when it comes to the New York v New England area rivalry I am firmly entrenched in the New York camp. The way they talk in New England especially Boston is just ridiculous and there are far too many fake Irish people up there. I mean I know New York has a load of them too, but not nearly as many.

I think instead of hiring a Ferrari for the weekend with my money I fancy I'm going to commission Joe Hill the anamorphic pavement artist to paint one of the walls of my living room. I quite like the idea of having a panoramic view of Vegas on my wall so it looks like I'm in a hotel room. Either Vegas or the shower room of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. I've not decided yet. I think it'll be pricey but now I've got a Onesie I don't really need anything else so why not? That's what I always say.

Joe Hill, yesterday

The German Masters

An artist's impression of the German snooker masters, yesterday

I get very nervous when I see the words German and Masters in the same sentence. So when I saw that German Masters were being broadcast yesterday I was relieved to find it was on Eurosport not Sky News or something. However, I know on this occasion it's only snooker, but I'm worried it might give them ideas. You know deep down they're itching to try again.

As I know nothing about snooker I have not wagered any monies on this tournament. I will however will be attempting the bag of sand challenge again tomorrow. I have to say that having consulted the Premier League Gods on numerous occasions this week, I received very little information. Just grunts and mumbles. At one point I thought I must surely have consulted the Gods of Nookie instead by accident.

However, in hindsight I think I was being told that nothing spectacular is going to occur this weekend. Generally I think we can just bet the home teams or the heavy favourites. I fancy I'll place one of those enormous Goliath wagers and ultimately enjoy a return so vast that we could stitch together a Onsie made of £50 notes.

**Changed my mind..I'm backing mostly away teams. And why not?