29 March 2012

Cobra lager

Have you seen this advert for Indian Cobra beer? It is so wrong one wonder's if it isn't a genius example of a country playing a practical joke on unsuspecting possible tourists. I can just hear the sandal wearing hummus eating men in civil partnerships in North London as we speak.."Julius!! lovey come and look, we should go to India and ride this train, it's captured my soul."

I've seen Indian trains on the telly on those documentaries usually involving Paul Merton or possibly Anne Widdecombe. Certainly someone incredibly irritating. Travel on a real Indian train is almost like climbing (alive) into a coffin in a crematorium. Usually only 5% of passengers and only 3% of all monkeys make it to their destination alive!

It's essentially a steel box basted with monkey ejaculations and rabies that has been cooking in 65˚C (149˚F) heat for eight hours while approximately six hundred children and astonishingly old men some how sleep on the white hot roof.

In fact the chicken Dupiaza is rumoured to be inspired by the remains of the wildlife and passengers who oozed out of the Bombay to Bhusawal train in 1957 which had been delayed for some time in the middle of a summer commute, roasting those trapped inside to death and feeding those on the roof for several months.

Very rarely, almost never, in fact yes, never, does a man casually stroll down the central aisle of the train handing out ice cold bottles of lager to the tired thirsty chilled out commuters as the train lazily snakes its way through the beautiful Indian landscape as the baking sun begins to set.

Plus alcohol is banned on trains in India I think.

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