You boy!

Humble: Mark Clattenburg getting into his

Porsche with number plate CL4 TT yesterday

Poor old Mark Clattenburg has vowed to soldier on despite all the criticism from mostly everyone apart from Manchester United for his being shit and desperately wanting to be liked by Wayne Rooney.

He's decided after much soul searching to continue his career as an £80,000 (basic) a year Premier League referee even though it's really making his Saturday afternoons and some evenings a bit tricky.

For people who enjoy football this is one of the best jobs in the world. We all like to gripe about commentators who moan about having to discuss boring games for a living, but referees not only get paid roughly £100k a year to watch football, they also get to decide the results! It's gold!

Clattenburg didn't send Rooney off because he loves him and didn't want him to not like him and also because it was in the 7th minute too and most referees bottle out of those decisions so early in the game when it involves a high profile player.

The decision about his career should have been taken out of his hands. He's completely the wrong kind of person to be a referee. He wears a fake tan, gels his hair, wears silly tight referees tops and makes a point of getting noticed.

He thinks he's a part of the whole Premier League show, but he just turns it into a circus and you can quote me. Football referees should be those horrible ugly balding nerdy types like that school teacher dude David Ellery. People who were bullied at school by the cool kids and have an unhealthy obsession with maintaining authority and shout YOU BOY like Mr Bronson before he shows a player the red card.

Clattenburg semi-erect while being felt up by Rooney