Eeek

Not a full 24 hours after blogging about the imminent extinction of the human race as we know ourselves at the hands of the Chinese, I tune into coverage of the snooker on the BBC to find that the two finalists of the Masters are Chinese!!

In your face all those of you who sent me comments accusing me of Xenophobia (a Chinese word surely?) and being mad. Since when do the Chinese play snooker? They'll be playing darts next.

How long until the best player and team in all sports is Chinese? They've even got someone in the NBA for fucks sake. I estimate no more than five years. Just long enough for us all save ourselves. All we have to do is stop eating Chinese food and wrap our children in foil.


In other mildly less sinister news, I went for a sammich and some snacks an hour or so ago only to find the ominous sight of a large murmuration of Starlings hovering above my street.

Usually at this time of year, for about a three week period, they dump up to eighteen gallons of shit on my car each evening before heading back to China or where ever they're from. I was hoping with the cold weather and the unexplained deaths of thousands of birds in random parts of the world that they might not show up this year. Hopefully there's still time for them all to catch flu.

I'm going to have a nice cup of tea now before the NFL play-offs where of course the Chicago Bears, who we were able to back at 42.0 some weeks ago, will defeat Seattle and their crazy old man head coach who belongs in a Scooby-Doo cartoon, rather comfortably.

In the later game obviously the Jets will win by a comfortable margin as New York always beats teams from anywhere near Boston.

Finally, as we speak Totterington still cannot beat Manchester United. This is ridiculous. It's like the Gods don't want me to have any money at all. I never soil my principles again by better on evil.

Going round in circles

Why can't we walk in straight lines?

Freak storm hits Helsinki

What's going on with the weather these days? You go to the beach on a Sunday afternoon and then suddenly the sky turns black and you don't have to go to work tomorrow cause apparently the world is ending.