THE jigsaw

We've all heard the old joke about strikers being nicknamed 'jigsaw' because they go to pieces in the box. Nicklas Bendtner has just taken that joke to a new level becoming the first professional footballer to go to pieces in three different boxes in 24 hours.

He shows the first touch of a rapist at the Nou Camp messing up Arsenal's only chance of the entire game. He then goes out on the piss to a club called the Box where as I understand it he started crying because the best tables were taken and later on that evening he performed so poorly in bed that his new girlfriend hadn't realised they'd started let alone finished.

According to my sources she was overheard by the taxi driver who took her home, admitting to Bendtner on the phone she was surprised by how utterly useless he was as a man given how he comes across as such a cocky little gob shite all the time on telly.