Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts

12 June 2011

The dog's name was Nigger, end of.



Dambusters pilot Guy Gibson's dog "Nigger" (latin for black) is to be renamed "Digger" in a remake of Dambusters just in case it offends anyone in America.

Where to start with this kind of thinking? Who really is going to be offended by this? It's a dogs name not a racial slur. And so called because Nigger is latin for black not because Guy Gibson associated black people with Dogs.

It must surely be incredibly patronising and insulting to any black person that the writers of this remake, Stephen Fry and Peter Jackson think they won't be able to cope with this and need people like Stephen Fry to be offended on their behalf. Only PC obsessives could find a problem here where their clearly isn't one.

You can't just re-write the past anyway simply because by today's values it might be unpalatable. No one in America has done that with any other historical film I can think of. Full Metal Jacket and Platoon seemed to do OK at the box office.

The Dirty Dozen set during the same period managed to be fairly successful despite including the line spoken by Telly Savalas' character, "Sir, do we have to eat with niggers." And that really was racially offensive. Not much grey area with that question.

Even if Barnes Wallis owned a pet monkey called nigger and actually hated black people you still have to include it in the re-telling of the story if the monkey was relevant to the event because it would be a part of the history of it all.

Even though there is nothing to be offended about here Stephen Fry is intelligent enough to know we evolve from learning from our past prejudices, not from attempting to erase them. And so what if they were offended? Worst case scenario the black community in America don't see the film because the dog was called Nigger, so what? They wouldn't surely have expected the script writers to change the name for their sake would they.

So this must only be about money, being overly cautious so every one goes to see it. Which kind of betrays their laudable motives for changing the dog's name in the first place. I preferred Stephen Fry when he went into hiding because of being terribly confused. At least when he wasn't around he couldn't fuck up a decent war film.


12 May 2011

Rapture



So apparently this Rapture business is nigh. May 21st in fact. I can't wait. I assume I've been chosen as I haven't really been out much and so haven't had many opportunities to sin. I hope it's all floaty and awesome like Logan's Run. I've ordered one of those ski suits just in case.

I can't wait to meet Jesus. It will of course mean I won't get to see the Champions League final, but I assume as God is all-knowing he'll already know the score and if there are bookies in heaven I'll be quids in. Eaaaaaasy money.

Now then, not that I'm a non-believer nor noffin, but just in case this is all the most absurd bullshit that ought to be barely believable even for a yokel from the early 19th century and in fact millions of people won't float off to heaven to meet the son of God and begin training to ultimatly destroy everyone else left on earth..I think I might do another jigsaw next week instead.

Reneeeeew!

14 March 2011

Gan-bar-eh To-k-yo


Woohoo. I've succeeded in producing probably the only Tokyo Rollerball jersey in the entire galaxy. And a lot trickier than it might seem it was too. I feel like celebrating by stoving someone's head in with a metal studded glove.


26 February 2011

Ganbare Tokyo!



As we all know, without really intending to, I have accumulated lots of sports jerseys. I like to get hold of rare ones (don't we all eh eh?) and the rarest of all are of course those of fictional teams. Yes you're right, some are easy to find; the shirts worn by the allies in Escape to Victory for example can be found with little effort, the German shirts a little more difficult I'll wager, but who'd want one of those? The sweaters worn by the Charlestown Chiefs in Slap Shot are also easy to find.

But now then, though, but, see...my favourite movie ever ever in the world ever is Rollerball so I'm currently on the look out for the Tokyo team Rollerball jersey. This is proving difficult not just because the teams in the movie are obviously fictional, but the whole friggin' sport is fictional so there is no market for replicas.

I've chosen the Tokyo team's jersey despite them being the bad guys with their sneaky karate and hipkido techniques that rendered poor Moon Pie brain dead when three or four of them pounced on him and stove his head in, because I look better in yellow and the Houston team ones are probably easier to find. I want the rarest of the rarest see.

Already however I've resorted to just having one made what with them not existing and everything. This is proving more of a challenge than I'd anticipated. The problem is the damn sleeves are a different colour to the rest of the shirt, so I'm drawing a blank with all those "customise your own t shirt type websites."

I'm having someone make one for me from scratch as we speak. I gave them my small telly as payment. This is what I do with my time. And I don't care who knows it.

If you haven't seen Rollerball by the way, I suggest you jolly well do. It's very Kubrick-esq Clockwork Orange, dystopian future, sinister classical music, glass and concrete architecture type stuff about the dangers of Corporate greed and that awful 70s organ music. Very prophetic stuff. Possibly the most under-rated movie ever in my opinion. Conversely the 2002 re-make is possibly the worst ever.


14 February 2011

Bitch



Yesterday I watched the first three original Superman movies all in a row. Christopher Reeves, Brilliant. I have of course seen these films many many times before but it only struck me yesterday just what an utterly selfish wanker Lois Lane was.

Superman is the guardian of the entire planet. With his powers he can maintain peace on Earth, he can avert natural disasters and unlike Premier League footballers he never gets injured for tax purposes.

He meets Lois though and it all gets fucked up. Typical fucking woman fucking it all up for everyone. Superman declares his undying love for her and because he can't have a girlfriend and have superpowers at the same time, I think because of how powerful his cock is, he has to sacrifice his powers to be with her!!

Silly man of course letting his cock do his thinking...but though..but....SHE FUCKING LETS HIM.

Lois sees him explaining to his Mam that he wants to be mortal and forgo his destiny to save planet Earth from itself, so he can have Lois as his girlfriend and Lois stands by and lets him do it because she thinks in her tiny little mind that she's worth all that.

She doesn't say, wooooo Superman, look I'm flattered but let's look at the bigger picture here. The whole planet needs you and our relationship just doesn't amount to a hill of beans by comparison. The chase is better than the catch etc etc. Why don't I just give you a blowie?

No, she just stands there and watches him demolecularise himself and says well Gee, I can't believe you did that for me. I don't think she even says thank you.

I mean Jaysus, I'm inconsiderate sometimes, but women are fucking mental the way they can do that!

What did you do this weekend?

30 January 2011

China's J-10 fighter footage actually scene from Top Gun




The actual Chinese air force yesterday

29 January 2011

Bang



Don't you dare tell me this isn't funny animal rights people.