The Nam

I've just finished a very production session of divination. As per usual before the Cheltenham Festival I put a nappy on, rubbed some shit on my face and sat in a clearing in some waste land behind what used to be the town's only open air swimming pool and emptied my little bag of bones onto the ground. The secrets of the festival's opening day were laid bare before me*

It is these I'd like to share with you at this time. I'm afraid I can only offer you four winners, but it's better than a kick in the bread tray what?

You can of course have as much on as you want with these as they're as certain as reading the results in the Racing Post on Wednesday.

So here they are then: Zaidpour, Medermit, Reve de Sivola and Oscar Whisky. I'm afraid I don't have prices as I can't be arsed to look them up. I should think you'll be able to make a few thousand though at small to medium stakes if you put them all in multiples.

Thank me later.



*Of course, I have no idea how to interpret a pile of old chicken bones so it probably isn't as assured as actually reading the results in the paper the next day. Plus of course I didn't actually do this and have just picked four horses at random. But I see no reason why this approach to betting the festival might be any less successful than actually researching the form.