Keys to success

Richard Keys and Andy Gray were over heard yesterday during Wolves' game with Liverpool slating a female linesman for being a woman.

Assuming their microphones were turned off (or not really caring either way), they were heard expressing their disbelief that a female should be entrusted with the responsibility of flagging incorrectly for off-sides in a Premier League game.

Richard Keys who is very hairy, commented, ‘Somebody better get down there and explain offside to her.’ Andy Gray who is really fat now and Scottish responded through gritted teeth, 'Can you believe that? A female linesman, women don't know the offside rule!'

'Of course they don't' agreed Keysie, 'I guarantee you they'll be a big one today and Dalglish will got potty. This isn't the first time is it, didn't we have one before?'

While Andy Gray seethed quietly in his chair, Keysie continued, 'The game's gone mad. Did you hear charming Karen Brady this morning complaining about sexism? Do me a favour love.'

The pair who together weigh the same as a horse continued their seethe for some moments but conceded that despite Brady talking 'utter feminist shite' they both still would and agreed she probably 'bangs like a shit-house door in a gale.'

Richard Keys was asked to comment about his diatribe by the Daily Mail but denied any memory of making such comments. When he was informed there was a recording of his observations, he said 'well you don't need me to comment then do you.'

This is the second time he's been caught making inappropriate comments off camera: If you recall a few years ago he was over heard making disparaging remarks about a football ground in the Faroe Islands.

Of course while Richard Keys is undoubtedly an unpleasant man, we here at the blog have to endorse these comments fully and welcome further such impromptu outbursts during Sky's coverage of football as they liven up what have now become quite tedious broadcasts.