Conspiracy Hatcher

So I spent today in between snoozes and the eating of sammiches cataloging my diaries. I've kept detailed diaries of my research since the mid 1990's ever since the run-in I had with a Chinese special agent.

He claimed of course to simply be delivering my spare ribs and prawn crackers, but I saw through his pathetic double-speak and took the prudent decision from that day on to commit all of my thoughts to paper for posterity.

Some day many centuries from now, Man will free himself from Chinese bondage and I hope my diaries will survive until then and serve as a window into the past to help them understand what it was like on Earth before the occupation when we ate with cutlery instead of sticks so they can begin again.

Anyway I digress, I came across an interesting observation I made in the early part of 2004. I had noted an uncanny physical resemblance between Teri Hatcher and Michael Jackson and recorded a correlation between his ill health and subsequent reclusive life style and her acting career coming off the rails.

Indeed Teri Hatcher has not been seen in public since several weeks prior to Jackson's death and the only conclusion one can draw from this is in fact that they are one and the same person. And of course when you rearrange the letters in her name and exchange some of the letters for some other letters you get Mirral Jatha - which is of course Chinese for "Michael Jackson."

How long have the Chinese been producing these androgynous celebs and why? Well it's difficult to say, but Chinese gender confusion is genetic engineering at it's most sinister and has been used by them for centuries to conquer many worlds across the galaxy. The reason Chinese people all look the same is because they don't want us knowing who are the infantry soldiers and who are the nurses and secretaries.

This way they can plant crack troops trained to fight in high heels in secretarial positions of strategically important locations or more sinisterly as nurses without arousing suspicion. It's of course no coincidence that up to 35% of all nursing staff in the UK are now from the Philippines which my sources tell me is the head quarters of Chinese special forces - Hereford with sweaty weather if you will.

One can only assume the Michael Jackson/Teri Hatcher experiments are an attempt to assimilate us into their armies. They're turning us all into each other and have been I think, since, the pioneering but unsuccessful amalgamation of Ronnie Corbett and Sandi Toksvig.

It's difficult to say how far this process of integration has progressed, but it is of course clear that it will be impossible to reverse. This can mean only one thing people, we're doomed. I myself am packing up my stuff and moving deeper into my cave and I suggest you do the same. It's every man for himself. Good luck everybody.

Oh by the way, I found the missing piece of my jigsaw, Yay!