Friday the 13th

I had plans to go to the big house today, but I chose to stay at home in my jammies instead and eat bacon. Why do today what you can do about 11:00am on Monday, that's what I always say. Plus, how you supposed to go to hospital on Friday the 13th and expect anything even remotely therapeutic to occur? I'd be lucky to escape with just the most basic plague.

This weekend anyway, I have big plans. I will really be going for it. The two bags of sand challenge. Never attempted before in my betting career. From a starting stake of £100 I shall attempt to win two of your earth bags of sand.

If I'm successful I am going to buy so much lounge wear I'll be able to just pile it up in my living room and lie on it I won't have to actually wear any of it. GOLD!

My search for a house keeper begins in earnest today. I want an old immigrant woman called Rosetta, who isn't entirely sure if she's here legally but makes awesome authentic spicy food from wherever she's from. She will have a cheerful disposition and call me Pappy.

How a house keeper preparing my dinner might look, yesterday.

Finally, I had a meatball Subway sammich yesterday. First one for months. It was like we'd never been apart. We just clicked. Then I scoffed it down. It was almost sexual the way I digested it. As Ray Wilkins would say, very pleasant indeed.

Sleep now.