Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"She let me shag her up the arse which was a bonus really."

Michael Owen tells a room full of people about his sex life yesterday.

I haven't seen Football Focus on BBC1 for years, but I have just now seen that Saturday's programme will feature an interview with Michael Owen conducted by Alan Shearer. Haha I'm laughing as I type this.

It is difficult to imagine quite how mind numbingly dull this will be. They could reminisce about how they both had anal sex with a series of French prostitutes during the 1998 World Cup and it would be boring. They could confess to having anal sex with each other in fact and it would still put people to sleep.

This is an interview that could be used as a sedative for people who are about to have major surgery. It's almost worth watching for comedy value actually. I am struggling to think of anyone else with less charisma than these too. I think I'd even rather spend Christmas Day at Willie Thorne's house than spend ten minutes talking Michael Owen or Alan Shearer.

Grrr I have always hated Michael Owen. "STOP BEING SO BORING YOU CUNT" I would shout at the telly whenever he was on. I have to confess I want him dead for being so rich and having such an exciting lifestyle and being so boring. He should by rights, if there was any justice in the world, work for the Department of Work and Pensions. So glad I don't pay the license fee.