Premier League footballers; when sneaking around behind your girlfriends' back fixing to play nice with wannabe porn stars, don't text her your number on Twitter. Private messages are very rarely private.
Although I have kept his number in the interests of being able to call him a cunt next time he lets an easy goal in, in the interests of sparing our legendary goalkeeper's blushes I have redacted his number here, but of course not everyone will be understanding.
He really must stop trying to shag awful chavs who spell literally "litrally" (see her profile) and adopt a porn star name to further her career. I'm going 10/1 her name is really Letesha.
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