Good luck with all my bets

I have a feeling somewhere deep within me that I will win so much money soon that I'll finally be above the law and be able to buy a new car every time my current one gets dirty. That sort of rich.

And why not get into the habit of receiving vast sums of monies this afternoon by placing a couple of wagers so shrewd if they were anymore canny they'd have thick Newcastle accents and no interest whatsoever in gainful employment.

The wagers in mind are as follows: First of all a double - a word unfamiliar to these two teams - priced at 4/7 for a Newcastle win and 13/5 for a Manchester City win.

Yes you read correctly, a Manchester City win. Usually I would never back against Manchester United in the derby game at Old Trafford but circumstances warrant a rethink.

One of the most irksome myths perpetuated by clueless pundits is the one about how form goes out the window in derby games. It doesn't. The team in form usually wins...or at least rarely loses. Manchester City in my opinion are a much better team at this team.

Perhaps not good enough yet to over come the massive Old Trafford refereeing bias Ferguson's minions so enjoy and maybe they haven't yet figured out how to adjust to that funny gravity at Old Trafford that throws Wayne Rooney to the ground when ever he gets near the penalty area, but..

I also have it on good authority that the United players have been persuaded not to try quite so hard this time elsewise they might find themselves and their families up to their chins in the desert sand in 120˚ temperatures while aggressive camels stomp on their heads. I think Newcastle will win because Wigan are just bloody awful.

We have also placed an audacious treble with one hundred of your Earth pounds. For a full return to be enjoyed on this investment we will require Chelsea, Arsenal and once again Newcastle to be celebrating victories as this weekend draws to a conclusion.

In the meantime I will now eat a lot of crumpets. I'm putting honey on them these days as you know.

Oh I'm no longer on Twitter. I found it had become irksome.