As my regular readers will be aware, I have been struggling for some weeks now to finance the immigration visa expenses of nurses Suki and Ling Ling who are as we speak twiddling their delicate thumbs and pouting their soft full moistened lips in the departure lounge of Shanghai Pudong International airport waiting for the off.They will head my personal nursing staff and oversee all of my medical and bathing needs. Nurse Ling Ling has qualifications in all the western medical fields and also several ancient eastern techniques unknown to us here in the west involving mysterious pain alleviating fondling. Nurse Suki is skilled in the application of soothing ointments even under the influence of alcohol and opiates.
It is of course imperative they join me here as soon as possible. There really isn't a moment to lose.
The financing of their immigration bureaucracy was helped enormously last night as we enjoyed a significant return on our Tuesday night Carling Cup footballing wagers. In fact my numbers people estimate that if the same returns on Wednesday's investments are realised, both nurses Suki and Ling Ling could be wearing the uniform of the house by Saturday evening. Assuming of course the boots and little hats are a snug fit.So this evening if Everton, Cardiff, Liverpool and Southampton could oh-blige me, by Saturday evening I could be slippery and pliable, reaping the medicinal rewards of the many many ancient Chinese balms and oils which have been known to reinvigorate the old and relieve the wheezy.
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