Champions League

It's a funny old business this Champions League. I don't care for it myself. It's a two bob cup. I'd much rather finish fourth in the league and qualify for the Champions League than than win the er...Champions League.

However, from a betting point of view we have an excellent opportunity this evening to do our bollocks. Obviously as a Napoli fan I see no other conclusion to this evening's Anglo-EyeTalian confrontation than a satisfying 3-0 victory and then after the game maybe 10-15 Chelsea fans in hospital with knife wounds to the legs and buttocks.

However, at a price of 23/10 I'm starting to quite like the idea of investing a few shillings on a Chelsea win. Granted Chelsea are shit. But domestic form often does not translate to European competitions. I know no English team has won at the San Paolo stadium, but not many have played there in the Premier League era.

And I know that a lot of Chelsea fans are fat bastards, but the calling card buttock slash wounds from the Napoli Ultras can still be possible if the initial stabbing motion can penetrate deeply into the arse flesh.

I can see Chelsea winning tonight despite the club being in disarray. However, by way of playing it safe, I'm going to have a sneaky £20 on a red card being shown at 5/2 and a penalty being awarded at 9/4.

I shall also be on overs (2.5), with some other results tied into a naughty little yankee; A draw between Moscow and Real Madrid and Marseille and Inter and finally a win for the Squareheads against Basle.

And why not?