Boring

The Enterprise right, has battles with the Borg and the Cardassians and the Romulans and everything, so it's really a war ship rather than a ship of exploration and other bollocks...but it's also got an arboretum, a theatre, a crèche, a dance studio, holodecks, a gymnasium and a wine bar.

I don't think the Romulans have got so much as a cinema on any of their war birds and they're about twice as big as the Enterprise. Did the writers get the scripts for Star Trek: The next generation mixed up with another show about a cruise ship?

Is there a show in some dusty library somewhere that didn't make it onto TV about a luxury cruise liner armed with nuclear weapons with minimal comforts for crew and passengers and only a ping pong table and a pack of 51 cards to keep everyone amused?

And how big is the Enterprise? How can everyone have such spacious quarters? Traditionally, naval Captains don't have room for a snooker table in their cabins. They're like suites at the Waldorf Astoria only better.

I only mention this because it's more interesting than anything else anyone is talking about. I can't wait until all the newspapers have been banned and we've all been brainwashed, dressed up in blue boiler suites and fed Quorn burgers every meal.

I've been chatting with my man in Westminster this morning and he assures me that in fact Rupert Murdoch's appearance before the nonsense select committee on Tuesday is not actually a water shed moment in human history.

It's actually of little to no consequence. But people who exist only within one square mile of the Palace of Westminster are incapable of appreciating how indifferent everyone else is to this now.

I'll get excited by an inquiry that has a very real possibility of ending with various politicians being hanged by the necks until they be dead dead dead but until then I'll continue to ponder how the Enterprise manages so easily to ignore the laws of geometry when everyone knows only Dr Who is allowed to do this.

A typically bored couple of bored people being bored by boring
obsessive lefties who are losing the battle to convince bored
Britain that phone hacking by tabloids has not become boring