Boring. String 'im up

Here's what I don't get about nutters who go about wasting innocent sandal wearers sleeping in their tents at hummus eating camp; what really is the moral objection to a punishment for them that is conclusive and capital in nature?

The argument against the death penalty is usually that every human life is sacred and something about how it's not our place to take a life as it's playing God or some such bull cookies.

If some sandal and cardigan wearer can declare that a serial killer's life is sacred why can't I declare his life not be in the least bit sacred and entirely waste-able? It's just opinion. As for playing God, what if you don't believe in God?

You can't play at God if you don't believe in him. And anyway, by protecting this man's life, by ring-fencing him possibly at the expense of further lives down the road when he gets out of prison, isn't that playing God? Who are you to protect this man at the expense of another slaughter of young budding Socialists later on?

Let's be clear here, I'm the last person to get emotional about the plight of socialists. I have to confess I was more emotional when Arsenal gave up a four goal lead against Newcastle last season than when I heard about this massacre.

The fewer Socialists the better I always say, but I don't think those kids deserved to be slaughtered by a maniac, who as a consequence of only seeing fourteen hours of sunlight a year, has decided they all must die because they are responsible for Norway being inundated with dangerous Muslims.

Life isn't sacred. That was a fair enough conclusion to come to say about two hundred years ago, but I think by now we've progressed beyond the contradictory wisdom of scripture and we can feel it's OK now to feel in order to be respected and for your life to be worth something you ought to really be contributing to society.

Amy Winehouse for example was a crazy woman who chose a diet of heroine and vodka. She wasn't ill, she didn't have cancer. Addiction is not an illness, ask any properly qualified pathologist. Her life was a voluntary concession to really dangerous chemicals. That makes her death not a tragedy but actually quite a selfish indulgence.

Andres Behring Breivik is a violent danger to us all. He chose to shoot about 100 people because he could and because he felt he was justified. So it would be a little hypocritical of him to complain if the society he so harmed decided to kill him also because they could and they felt justified.

Living in a world where everything has to be tolerated is bullshit - where everyone is a victim somehow and no one is responsible for their own actions is a cop out. This idea of tolerance is not morally courageous it's really just cowardice. It's condescending and dangerous.

If no one is going to have the balls to tell people they're wrong how are we ever to climb out of this cesspool of a world? If we're to continue to allow pseudo-academic rhubarb munchers to condescend to us as if we're children about how we need to try and understand each other, I give our species no more than three or four more generations.

Of course as we've established on the blog already, all of this is academic as within about ten years we'll have all starved to death in the post economic apocalypse that the media is still ignoring in preference of the Amy Winehouse thing.
We're doomed.

It is for this reason we can forgive Amy Winehouse for her self-centred demise. It's everyman woman and beast for him/her/itself. After you with the crack pipe Amy. Good luck everyone.

What's that man's name James?

"Is it a crime to want nice things and then to steal them from the public"

The one saving grace about leftie sandal wearing hummus eating communists is that they are so fundamentally incompetent and consequently every one of their grandiose schemes is doomed to failure from the outset and the grander the plan the more humiliating the failure.

The Soviet Union, for example, really had the capitalist west on the run for a while, but because their ideology was so monumentally stupid it ended in failure with the Berlin wall being hauled down and the humiliation of a string of rock ballads sung by David Hasselhoff.


The recent leftie witch hunt of Rupert Murdoch descended into farce also yesterday as weeks of coordinated smearing from the BBC and the Guardian which had seen the News of the World shuttered and Rupert Murdoch's bid for the remaining shares of BSkyB postponed, was forgotten in an instant when a middle aged, sandal wearing, virgin with an appalling comb over saw fit to launch a unilateral strike against Murdoch senior.

He may have thought his Tiswas style flan flinging hit on octogenarian Murdoch was a fitting and commensurate protest at the seriousness of this entire scandal; people in the sane world however wondered what the fuck the scruffy cunt was playing at and immediately felt a bit sorry for Murdoch.

It wasn't even a successful strike as Murdoch's wife stepped in to give the protester, who has yet to see a grown woman naked, a sound pasting while the police stood at the back preparing a risk assessment.


As this witch hunt descends into farce and in-fighting, the attention of the nation might finally turn to the real news of the continuing violent collapse of the Euro-zone - typical of the manner all of these Heath Robinson projects of social-economic engineering eventually conclude.

There is of course no consolation unfortunately in watching the hopes and dreams of a handful of greedy, sexually deviant, square head and frog politicians who were the architects of the European project go up in smoke.

These hair brained schemes, like communism and China's great leap forward, tend to take millions of lives with them when they eventual collapse under the shear weight of what a bollocks idea there were in the first place. And that means us. We're doomed.

It's just a matter of time before bread costs £250,000 a loaf and then it's beans and cricket gloves and American football pad outfits for us all people. Good luck everyone.

So long farewell

Enough

Apparently tomorrow everyone who has ever read or worked for the News of the World will either resign or be found dead in suspicious circumstances finally putting an end to what has become quite a tedious affair.

Meanwhile, the entire global economy continues to collapse and the few people who have the good sense to look beyond the navel-gazing nonsense of British newspapers will continue to hoard tinned goods, blankets and water for when the lights go out and chaos ensues.

Good luck everyone.

On your bike Cameron

I was only just blogging this morning about how tedious this whole phone hacking thing was and then you suddenly hear that David Cameron might just have to resign and it suddenly becomes mildly intriguing.

Not quite 'exciting' as in real terms it means nothing to how this country is run as we're already controlled from across the Channel by lefty freaks who raise their children to be asexual and insist you can meet the entire continent's energy demands by harnessing the wind power of dives.

However, as David Cameron is largely responsible for destroying the Conservative Party which may have opposed the move to abandon our Sovereignty and national identity that was 1000 years in the making, I will be almost sexually aroused if the sword he lived by - the sword of whoring out his principles to the highest bidder - is the very same sword he is to fall on and finishes him off.

I've quickly had a bullseye at 7/1 with 2011 being the year of the next general election. I suggest you do the same. It's happening people, the end of the world as we know it. The days of us all scavenging in urban ghettos for food and water is almost upon us. It's every man for himself. Good luck everyone.

Boring

The Enterprise right, has battles with the Borg and the Cardassians and the Romulans and everything, so it's really a war ship rather than a ship of exploration and other bollocks...but it's also got an arboretum, a theatre, a crèche, a dance studio, holodecks, a gymnasium and a wine bar.

I don't think the Romulans have got so much as a cinema on any of their war birds and they're about twice as big as the Enterprise. Did the writers get the scripts for Star Trek: The next generation mixed up with another show about a cruise ship?

Is there a show in some dusty library somewhere that didn't make it onto TV about a luxury cruise liner armed with nuclear weapons with minimal comforts for crew and passengers and only a ping pong table and a pack of 51 cards to keep everyone amused?

And how big is the Enterprise? How can everyone have such spacious quarters? Traditionally, naval Captains don't have room for a snooker table in their cabins. They're like suites at the Waldorf Astoria only better.

I only mention this because it's more interesting than anything else anyone is talking about. I can't wait until all the newspapers have been banned and we've all been brainwashed, dressed up in blue boiler suites and fed Quorn burgers every meal.

I've been chatting with my man in Westminster this morning and he assures me that in fact Rupert Murdoch's appearance before the nonsense select committee on Tuesday is not actually a water shed moment in human history.

It's actually of little to no consequence. But people who exist only within one square mile of the Palace of Westminster are incapable of appreciating how indifferent everyone else is to this now.

I'll get excited by an inquiry that has a very real possibility of ending with various politicians being hanged by the necks until they be dead dead dead but until then I'll continue to ponder how the Enterprise manages so easily to ignore the laws of geometry when everyone knows only Dr Who is allowed to do this.

A typically bored couple of bored people being bored by boring
obsessive lefties who are losing the battle to convince bored
Britain that phone hacking by tabloids has not become boring

Fox News

Only Fox news could figure out a way of making the News of the World the victim of their own hacking. This is brazen genius. How can you not respect it? From now on I know only what I hear on Fox News, their world is awesome. It's like Wonka land for news.

Friday spot the ball competition

(click to enlarge)

Hooray it's Friday, much the same as any other day of course but hooray nonetheless. To celebrate the beginning of the weekend we here at the blog have 24 cans of Kestrel Lager to give away in this week's spot the ball competition.

Print your entry out and send to the usual address. All entries soiled by obvious jizz splodges will be considered invalid. The age old "I spilt some yoghurt on it" excuse won't fly with me thank you please.

The fable of Rupert and Gordon

Rupert the Australian scorpion was making his way to Tellyland from Newspaperland when he came across the great River Backscratcher. At the banks of the river he saw Gordon the Scottish frog, a half blind dour looking grumpy old sod counting a bunch of money he'd stolen from the local village elders.

"Excuse me," says Rupert, "can you give me a lift across the River Backscratcher to Tellyland please."

"Yes OK," replied Gordon, "I mean, no..OK yes..actually no..I'm not sure." dithered Gordon.

"Please just make up your mind I'm old and in a hurry. In return for a lift across the river I'll kill any of your enemies in Tellyland," promised Rupert. "My venom is incredibly toxic."

"No," frowned Gordon. "If I carry you you'll sting me and I'll die."

"Of course I won't," denied Rupert. "If I did that we'd both die wouldn't we?"

After twenty minutes or further dithering Gordon agreed and Rupert hopped on Gordon's back and they began their journey across the river.

As they approached the bank, Gordon was about to make the big announcement of their successful passage across the river when Rupert raised his tail and drove his stinger down deep into the back of Gordon's head.

"Urrgh you bastard, you utter bastard fucking bastard, why did you do that? I've shit meself!" screamed the betrayed Gordon. "Now we will both die!"

"I'm very sorry, but it is my nature," explained Rupert the Scorpion.

"I will destroy you." vowed Gordon and clasping him between his legs they both sank down into the murky depths of the River Backscratcher never to be seen again.

Couldn't destroy a pork pie, of the day

Gordon Brown was so furious, so upset, so traumatised by the Sun revealing his son had Cystic Fibrosis that he subsequently attended Rebekah Brooks' wedding, her birthday party and hosted a sleepover for their kids at Chequers.

Furious he was. Furious. And at no point did it occur to him that as the nation hated him for being an emotionless monster, he might actually benefit from this story as he might appear more human and win some sympathy.

It would be incredibly cynical to suggest he continued to whore out his dignity to News International after the Sun's revelations about his son as he assumed he would win the paper's support at the next general election when he would be the Prime Minister and it was worth it in the long run.

An assumption that proved to be bollocks anyway as they ditched him in favour of Cameron on the day of his big conference speech. After which Brown then warned the Sun he would "destroy them." Which I assume he's attempting to do now. Only he's so incompetent in everything he does he's actually helping them recover as everyone hates him more than Murdoch.

Twat.

Guff

Briseño, como el capitán del equipo mexicano levantó el trofeo

Instead of sleeping tonight I thought I'd feel cack instead and stay up all night watching Dexter. I'm still not sure if it's OK to find what he does immeasurably awesome. He's so good I always forget he's got ginger hair.

In other news, as of course you all know, Mexico are world champions. Proper world champions too. Not world champions in the American sense of the word where a team from New York beats a team from Boston at a game invented in New Jersey. Proper champions beating other nations including Germany at the world's game FOOTBALL.

Having given Uruguay a thrashing in los chavos world cup final on Sunday night we can only hope that Arsene Wenger was watching keenly and will drawing up contracts as we speak to bring Carlos Fierro and Captain Antonio Briseño to Arsenal.

I thought it was quite amusing seeing Mexican fans all wearing Julio Gomez head bandages in celebration of his over head injury time winner against the square heads.

Mexico will now play Uruguay again on Tuesday in the daft and pointless Copa America. Even if U r gay win it's hardly much of a revenge as Mexico aren't permitted to play their senior team. Next time around Mexico will be allowed to bring their grown ups to the tournament so why they made them play the Olympic team this around I will never understand.

Been a rubbish tournament anyway. Anything starting in Argentina is always going to be shit..their pigs ear of an invasion of the Falkland islands is evidence of that.

* * *

"Just paint whatever you feel inside you" Princess Kate takes things
too literally with her contribution to an art project in Los Angeles

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are planning on taking things easy for a while and to settle into married life after their tour of North Merca. This is obviously code for Wills be getting Kate knocked up as soon as possible.

Once the Duchess has squeezed out two heirs I confidently predict she'll be playing finger cuffs on a luxury yacht to a couple of Arabs moored in Monaco just like her dead mother-in-law.

An artist's impression of how in the Duchess of
Cambridge might look in the finger cuffs position

Eye spy with my bad eye

What in the name of Sam Hill is going on? Has everyone lost their long term memory? How are Labour politicians and sexually violent drug addict celebrities being allowed to appear on TV one after the other to express their outrage at the conduct of Murdoch's snooping Newspapers?

I can understand people don't like Rupert Murdoch's tabloid newspapers. But seriously, can people not see that this whole Guardian driven Murdoch witch hunt has nothing to do with phone hacking?

Can outraged twitterers not appreciate how unhealthy a newspaper industry in this country would be if it only had a liberal voice? Even the leftiest lefty can't surely believe that would be a healthy state of affairs, to have no branch of the media questioning the Government's actions?

* * *

How does Gordon Brown have the front to complain about his private life being invaded when as Prime Minister he was consumed by the need to control everything and everyone in the country. If Brown had had his way we'd all have been catalogued on various databses, anyone coming within twenty metres of an under-18 would be vetted and placed on any number of registers. IN Browns Britain we were all guilty until we proved our innocence. Not to mention the 2011 Census, the most invasive ever, which asked who we had staying with us on a specific night, and indirectly which team we bat for.

The ID card scheme dreamed up by Labour would have had our whole lives detailed on a chip that any spotty hacker could gain have gained access to and we wouldn't be able to so much as sneeze without someone knowing about it.

Regardless of this, Gordon Brown feels justified in his complaint simply because the Sun abandoned him prior to the last election. Has did John Prescott who of course was caught by the News of the World fucking his secretary in his office while his wife was at home cooking his pie dinner.

Alastair Campbell also felt he was within his rights to complain about the lack of tabloid journalistic integrity despite manufacturing with Tony Blair a reason to go to war in Iraq and cozied up to the Murdoch papers himself. Cunts.

Steve Coogan who has taken millions of pounds from Rupert Murdoch to star in his films didn't feel at all hypocritical in his crazy eyed rambling diatribe against the News of the World on Newsnight last week simply because they exposed his infidelity, drug taking and his extremely creepy sexual fetishes.

Hugh Grant also was suffering from an incredible bout of selective amnesia on Question Time last week, again delivering a pious sermon about morals despite cheating on Liz Hurley by asking a Prostitute to suck his cock on a freeway in Los Angeles in 1995.


They're of course only allowed to get away with this because they and the news media they appeared on are all singing from the same lefty sandal wearing song sheet. They're allowed to rant and rave about this without any sense of irony or cross examination because it's all just one gigantic sickening hummus fueled right bashing leftyfest.

This is all well and good, but this triumphalism will only end in tears. The only people that can possibly benefit from having a media that is nothing more than a mouthpiece for the Government are the Government. If Guardian readers think the politicians care about them, they're even more naive than I thought they were.

Without a free left and right leaning media our MPs will be free to dismiss our concerns, ignore their responsibilities to us and tie each other up with duct-tape, insert fruit into each others arses and whip each other in sickening S&M evenings in the Palace of Westminster while they cede power to the EU who will see us all eating each others children by the end of the decade.

Which in fact, is what has happened. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's every man for himself people. Good luck.

Ciao Italy

Italy on the brink of financial ruin in part because most
Italian adult males spend their time scooting about on Vespas
shouting 'ciao' at women instead of working and paying taxes

As we speak Italy's economy and ability to govern itself is disappearing faster than my chips in the first three or four hands of a typical Pigeons poker game. Meanwhile the media in this country prefers to ignore this and continues to squabble with itself about power under the guise of matters of ethics and scruples.

The twenty or thirty sandal wearing Guardian readers who still buy the paper remain upright atop their high horses mistaken in their belief that this whole "hacking" broo-haha is about protecting the privacy of the average hummus eater on the street and the moral standards of journalism (a contradiction in terms no?) and not stopping Rupert Murdoch from holding the lefty sandal wearing media consensus to account with right leaning TV news channel.

I do not understand the tangled web of banking miscegenations that have caused us all to teeter on the brink of an economic abyss that will see us all living in ruinous villages dressed in rags and cricket gloves and American football shoulder pads like in Mad Max. A world where petrol is worth more than gold and little children are eaten when there's nothing else in.

What I do know is, that we're doomed. From reading Tim Hardford's book "Adapt" I was able to appreciate that we're fucked. The problem here is how closely the world's banks are coupled together like train carriages.

When one goes off the rails they all do, because the links between them are not loose enough or far apart enough for the other carriages to uncouple themselves in time before they're carried off into a ditch too and everyone is riding on this train.

If Italy goes the way of Greece, which is now inevitable, then the moment when we all have to contemplate eating each other to stay alive, like that Argentine rugby team who crashed in the Andes had to do, looms ever larger.

According to an old man dressed like a wizard who was shouting incoherently at people in the street a few nights ago near my house, the only thing that can prevent a European and subsequent global financial meltdown because of a tiny bunch of greedy bastard EU obsessed politicians, is another war. It's like wiping everything clear and starting again.

We've been warning against this on the blog for some time now but as each European nation folds in on itself and war becomes an increasingly obvious inevitability, out media buries its head deeper and deeper in the sand preferring instead to focus on nasty old Rupert Murdoch and the crusade to prevent him owning 100% of a company he already really owns anyway.

It's every man for himself people. I suggest you all stock up on beans, water, boards games and cricket gloves. You're going to need them. Good luck everyone.

Mexico campeón del mundo!

Quote of the day

"Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter." -- Thomas Jefferson

CF gene therapy: Why it's all bollocks

So today after trying on my hats and making some important parking spaces for my slippers I began researching CF gene therapy. Every now and then my mother will wheel spin her Clio into my street and inform me there's been an article in the Daily Mail about how a cure for Cystic Fibrosis is just round the corner arriving just in the nick of time before I wet myself from being knackered.

I feel bad each time I have to explain how she ought not to be reading the Daily Mail, that gene therapy will almost certainly never been developed by any pharmaceutical company with an interest in continuing as a going concern and that anyone with advanced lung disease (i.e. me) probably won't benefit from this therapy anyway as according to the UK CF gene therapy's own website:

"Patients who have quite advanced lung disease are not suitable because the comparatively advanced lung disease in these patients would make it very difficult to deliver the gene and, therefore, reduce the chance of seeing an improvement in lung disease severity. In addition, we are concerned that the treatment may be less well tolerated in patients with severe lung disease, because gene delivery may cause a transient drop in lung function."

None of this however appears on the homepage of the CF Trust's website alongside their request for donations to fund this programme. Which angers me. This seems very exploitative to me. CF patients themselves are usually fairly cognisant of where the bear sits with these treatments and concoctions from our chats and consultations with our CF clinic boffins and carers.

Parents on the other hand know only what they read in the Daily Mail or the begging letters they receive from charities. And parents buy it because it's obviously very difficult to accept that they have produced defective progeny who will be burdened with a grotty lung disease for ever more and they desperately what to see it cured.

The facts of the matter are if charities worked, which is to say, if they cured the diseases they seek to cure, there'd be no diseases by now. Certainly if campaigns and fun running and wearing coloured ribbons or lying in baths full of beans for a week to raise money were all that were needed to cure diseases we'd all be fighting fit. Obviously it isn't.

Most of the money raised by charities goes towards funding the charity itself or the financing of campaigns to raise money. A circular self-serving process if you will. The CF Trust for example raised £8m in 2010, but it had to invest £2.5m to raise that money. The head cheese at the CF Trust earns over £100,000 a year (total salaries £1,25m).

Charities exist so they can exist. If a charity cured the disease they were set up to cure, they'd cease to be necessary, they can't have that. So they want to be seen to be seeking the holy grail of a cure, while simultaneously knowing full well it's a fantasy.

The UK CF gene therapy consortium boffins will have done their job. Those boffins just care about the science of it all. They just want their names in the medical journals as the dudes who developed the therapy, which is fair enough, but they're indifferent to whether it is actually progressed by a pharmaceutical company and actually reaches patients.

In order for this therapy to actually cure anyone or at least have a therapeutic difference that beats the current treatments a major pharmaceutical company will be required to finance the phase III stage of the trials. Pharmaceutical companies have no incentive whatsoever to develop cures.

There's no money in cures. The money is in the medicine, the maintenance of the condition. They invest their money in treatments that will help you live with your condition via expensive repeat prescriptions. The patents they take out on the treatments afford them a monopoly and they whack a 500% mark up on any medicines that really work.

CF only affects 9,000 in this country. Even if Gene Therapy had to be delivered by the patient routinely it still would not offer enough of a reward on the initial investment to develop it. Also, the ironic thing about patents anyway, is that when a treatment works really well or is needed in an emergency for example like the swine flu vaccine tamiflu - the Government will usually lean on the pharmaceutical company to give up it's patent privileges in order to allow a generic copy of the drug to be manufactured or to significantly lower it's prices.

CF does not effect enough people for a cure in the true sense of the word ever to become a reality. The CF Trust however will continue to insist that it can.

Even if their current £6m target is missed and their "once in a lifetime" opportunity missed to realise their goals, they will continue this line and insist to yet another generation of hopeful CF families that their dreams will become a reality. Even if I could, I wouldn't hold my breath.

Be careful what you wish for

I'm glad it's Saturday. I've become exhausted from waving my fist at leftie sandal wearing hummus eaters all week. There's less high-horse crusading at the weekends from them. They're all out with their children - who have names like Xenon and Chaos - on grassy hills playing the guitar and harnessing love.

These people have had my dander up for almost the whole week. They're worse I think than religious types with their intolerance of non-sandal wearing love harnesssers (i.e normal people).

To be so insecure in your ideologies, or beliefs that you would prefer to shut down or even kill the opposing voices than engage in a grown up constructive debate is a depressing and rather scary state of affairs.

Lefty types can't seriously believe that a free and democratic society could exist where the only mainstream media available was simply a synchronous deferential mouthpiece for the Government. No one surely is that pig ignorant?

You can't have the freedoms and the liberties these people claim to be seeking where there is no opposition to the megalomaniac, self-serving, Eton educated blood spillers in power. This is what we call totalitarianism. It's like hell only worse as it actually exists.

These people know that their utopian, egalitarian, eco-erotic fantasies are so incompatible with reality that they flatly refuse to engage in any serious debates with Conservative leaning opposition.

They are fully aware that their ideology has no chance of standing up to the least bit of scrutiny, so it is reduced to silencing these voices instead. Usually this can be done by accusing Conservatives of being Nazis. Sometimes it requires something a little more nuclear, like getting the largest selling newspaper in the western world shut down.

And in the not too distant future when we're living in a society where an unreachable, unfathomable, unaccountable, unlocatable EU Government dictates to the press what it can and can't say and we have no voice whatsoever, the lefty sandal wearers won't take any responsibility for this Orwellian hellish nightmare they've created. There's always someone else to blame.

Just as there's always someone else to blame for the collapse or our education system, law and order, and everything else that made this country something to be proud of.

The Guardian and BBC have shamelessly exploited the violation of Milly Dowler and her family's privacy to further their campaign to reduce Rupert Murdoch's influence in UK media. That is as unscrupulous as the journos who messed about with her mobile phone voice mail in the first place.

Their crusade has nothing to do with protecting the privacy of the ordinary every day sandal wearer on the street, it has everything to do with a ruthless myopic obsession with preventing a Conservative voice from owning a TV news channel in this country. A TV news channel that would help keep this country on an even keel and protect the democracy that was a thousand years in the making.

All those hundreds of years spent slaughtering the French only to become France because the tiny Guardian readership will never accept the hypoxia caused by breathing such thin air from the heights of their ivory towers will not allow them to think clearly enough to see through this thinly veiled exploitation of a murdered school girl.

We're doomed. Run for your cueavs people, hide. It's every man for himself. Good luck everyone.

Lefty types high on hummus yesterday

Well played the Guardian

Now then..thanks to the sandal wearers at the Guardian and their thinly veiled crusading for the privacy and dignity of the every day sandal wearer on the street, they've managed to get the News of the World closed down. Hoorah for them.

However if I've understood correctly media lawyer Mark Stephens' analysis of the closure told to Reuters today (which you can read here) their obsession with eroding away Murdoch's media influence in the UK and maintaining the left-liberal media consensus (as explained in detail on the excellent Autonomous Mind blog here) will mean the victims of the News of the World's snooping will not receive a penny in compensation.

There are possibly hundreds of 'ordinary people' who have been violated by unscrupulous journos from the News of the World; Milly Dowler and her family, 7/7 bombing victims' families, wives of soldiers killed - probably to see if they were having affairs while their husbands were at war - and lord knows who else.

Had the News of the World remained in operation they all ought to have received some form of compensation eventually, but if the News of the World is now to be liquidated as a consequence of this phoney outrage from the left then it appears quite likely that all of their records will be destroyed. What Stephens calls "a stroke of evil genius on the part of Murdoch."

All of the paper's assets will be handed over to a liquidator who's job it is to maximise the estates assets and minimise it's liabilities. Therefore it would probably choose to destroy all records to save money on warehousing them, so then nothing could be proved by any future claims and obviously any investigation or inquiry would be pointless.

Probably a team of temps in the building shredding things as we speak. The Guardian got what they wanted however. But he who laughs last..

Women in front of the News of the World sign

Out of protest for this bullshit, I will be buying the NotW on Sunday

I had a cracking dream last night. I was actually playing for Mexico! Wooo. Sadly however, even in my dreams there's a sense of reality as I was only a sub. But at least I got a cap, ...I was going to say sombrero then but I refuse to perpetuate racial stereotypes.

Unfortunately I had to wake up eventually and as I feared, the nation en masse continues to express its outrage at each new drip-fed lefty revelation about the News of the World. Essentially everyone who has been in the news in some shape or form since mobile phones have been around has had their phone monitored.

This outrage angers me. It's so hypocritical, out of protest I will be buying the News of the World this weekend for the first time ever. I shake my fist at my computron screen every time a lefty brands Murdoch's media empire the mouthpiece of Satan himself. These same lefty types who kept a Government in office for 13 years who subjected the whole country to far more intrusive surveillance. Who made us suspicious of each other. Who introduced guilty until proven innocent by the back door.

It is now impossible to go anywhere or do anything in this country without someone in a bunker knowing about it. The Government knows everything we get up to and there's no way of hiding from it.

And this is just from the involuntary means of giving them information. Voluntary sources like Twitter and Facebook, broadband internet and Digitial TV fill in the gaps in information the Government can't acquire.

The Government for example, will know you're at home but not what you're watching, or might know you're on the M1 but not where you're going. Digital TV now means everything you watch is monitored, we Tweet about where we're going and why. All of these things provide the miscellaneous pieces of crap a camera won't tell 'them.'

Milly Dowler's family and the 7/7 families and the families of those killed in our various wars have every justification in feeling violated and they ought to be compensated heavily in the courts, but this is not a national issue, it effects a teeny tiny percentage of the population.

The serious intrusion comes from a far larger and far more sinister and unaccountable source. To be outraged by the News of the World is like being outraged by someone lighting a cigarette while you're house is burning down. Insensitive, but essentially of little importance.

Meanwhile Julian Assange who essentially did the same thing, is a hero because as always with the lefty types, his justification for stealing his information was for a higher truth and a noble purpose. It's always for noble purposes when it's a lefty type and unjustifiable when it's a righty. Johann Hari is evidence of that.

The only means of escaping this of course is to resign from the world and live in a nice cave. I'm so glad I did that elsewise this sort of thing would get my dander up. I'm going out now I'm not saying where though. IN YOUR FACE GOVERNMENT.

The real scandal is that this is a scandal

How can anyone really be genuinely shocked by this phone hacking scandal? Surely the nation cannot be so monumentally naive to think there are depths a tabloid newspaper would not sink in order to sell papers?

It is of course not news to MPs or other journalists. All of them will have been fully aware this phone hacking business had been going on.

They will have to pretend for the next few weeks that it is all news to them and they are physically fatigued by the horror of it all, but of course in reality they are all so indifferent to this that it is all they can do to remain awake when discussing it on the telly box.

Politicians are all corrupt cunts and are now in a fantastically tricky spot. Rupert Murdoch is in many ways Darth Vadar. In return for his support, politicians routinely sell their souls to him. Murdoch agrees to support their policies and hair brained schemes in return for certain expeditious processing of the expansion of his empire.

Like Darth Vadar however, he has the power to alter their deals at will. By sending out his minions - who are like those flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz - to enjoy five course lunches with MPs, he accumulates sensitive information about them all as senior members of Parliament are so intoxicated by the power they enjoy and the monies they've accumulated the have a sense of invincibility.


During their lunches with Murdoch's monkeys they spill their guts and expose themselves - sometimes literally - to what Murdoch might call leverage, but which everyone else calls blackmail.

David Cameron for example will not be able to take News International to task for fear of appearing on the various front pages of it's newspapers detailing all his murky secrets. The response then will be a call for a full independent inquiry, but not before all police investigations have concluded - which may be years - by which time no one will remember any of this and it'll be forgotten.

The lefty press have their own agenda here too. These recent developments have more surely to do with their own rebellion against Lord Vadar (split-infinitive? I'm never sure) than any issues of conscience.

The Guardian and sister paper Woman's Weekly and the BBC especially cannot stand by and let Rupert Murdoch take over the universe, it is no coincidence that it was the Guardian who broke the Milly Dowler voicemail deletion story. They will be desperate to prevent Murdoch taking over BSkyB and this may be a very good attempt at preventing it.

Meanwhile, the really important issues, the things that really matter to us all but we're too stupid to realise that they matter, go unreported as we're constantly been kettled down side streets like this phone hacking nonsense and played like fiddles by the media and MPs.

The European economy as we speak is collapsing. This will fuck us up completely and no one is talking about it. We're at war on two fronts, no one is talking about it. The phone hacking business is a vehicle used by the bandits running the country to keep their shady dealings which are bankrupting us in the dark. Where did this Milly Dowler revelation come from? These things are by design surely. They stop us talking about the really important issues. As the MPs expenses scandal did.

When we're all broke and eating each other to stay alive and the only food in the Supermarkets are dolly mixtures and things with currents in them we'll ask ourselves how no earth this happened.

Well it happened because when we should have been surrounding the Houses of Parliament and hanging criminal politicians for selling the Sovereignty of our nation and our liberty to the Gormans for their own personal gain, we were too business being outraged by the lack of scruples in tabloid journalism.

Vajazzling!? *shakes head, walks off*

The woman's suffrage movement in the early 20th century where all manner of silly lesbian types hurled themselves in front of horses and chained themselves to various buildings is widely considered a success as it lead to women being given the vote.

It in actual fact it wasn't. Their tactics and behaviour actually hampered their progress...especially the classy idea between 1914-1918 of handing out white feathers to any man they saw not in uniform despite never actually bothering to check why they weren't off fighting in a French ditch.

The truth in fact is that women would have been given the vote a lot sooner than 1928 but Parliament didn't want to be seen to be giving it to these ultra-lesbian feminists.

The lesson here of course is that the tactics employed by these people is often counter-productive. When two parties are miles apart in their stance over an issue, no agreement can be made without concessions on both sides.

And we see this same kind of thing with the whoopsies too who express their demands to be treated equally by parading down the High Street in pink thongs and work boots.

Look of course anyone can wear what they want, but at least live in the real world, at least accept that appearances matter and if you float into the Army recruitment centre with all the masculine authority of Mr Fezziwig, wearing yellow cycling shorts and a leather vest, don't be surprised if they suggest you might be suited to a career anywhere else but fucking here.

Equality of course is a misnomer anyway. Equal to what? Or to whom? No one is equal. No group is equal. The best we can hope for is to be taken seriously. To be respected. For our opinions to be listened to and our reason and arguments reciprocated.

But if you act so individually, so outlandishly and so childishly - because it is your right to do so - then all of these things become impossible. To demand equality when you clearly make a point of not being equal is hypocritical. At least put some trousers on.

The feminist movement - the age old campaign to be treated seriously let alone equally - as far as I'm aware has never worked, or had a coherent central message, but whatever it is, whatever it stands for, it died the day someone invented vajazzling. I mean really, what the fuck is wrong with you people who are having this done??

Of all the ways to improve yourself, to get noticed, you want to shave your thatch off and cover your minge with twinkly bits. It's a funny old business when you want everyone to take you seriously but you're constantly altering your body with tattoos, fake tits, botox, L. Casai immunitas, bifidus diegstivum and now shiny twats. This is just adult arts and crafts. You're not 12! Get a fucking grip.

Even if this wasn't the most pathetic thing I've ever heard of, I'm afraid I've got a secret I must tell you womenfolk; Forgive me, but your fanny is ugly as sin even if you've got a nice one.

It's really one of the most disgusting parts of the body to look at or smell on a living person. It might feel fantastic to enter it with ones penis, but there's a reason why we can't see out of that 'eye.' Sex would be impossible if we actually had to watch our penis slopping in and out of there.

And if you've had kids and your fanny looks like a wizards sleeve, I'm sorry but you're having a fucking laugh if you think you can make it look in any way aesthetically pleasing by adding a golden glittery heart above it. Spray glitter on the Predator and it's just the Predator still, with some glitter sprayed on it.

Just stop this business. Just stop it. It's fucking stupid. Grow your thatch back. Did you never stop to think why you have pubes? It's to hide the grotesque folds of your chuff. It's why German 70's porn is more popular than contemporary stuff.

I've said me piece I'll bid you good day.

Haye Toe-tally outclassed hahahahahaha

Disappointing boxsmithing this evening I thought. What you appear to have with the Klitschko's is a couple of really massive dorks who are more a business model than a couple of boxers.

In many ways they're the boxing equivalent of the Williams brothers in women's tennis. They've just found a way of monopolising the division with a style of fighting that is extraordinarily hard to beat, but astonishingly boring to watch thus sucking the life out of the sport.

As daft as David Haye's pre fight antics are, at least he would have been a breath of fresh air for the division had he won.

The lesson here of course, is that if you're going to trash talk, have more than a 5% chance of actually winning the fight, broken little toe or not. Eslewise you look very very small when you get pummeled for the entire 36 minutes.

As an aside, I was sent a message by carrier pigeon this evening from my expert boxing goat in the Swiss Alps. He tells me Haye's next fight will be against heterosexual Lennox Lewis possibly held at West Ham's Boleyn Ground.

Funny, depressing but true.

From http://niklowe.blogspot.com: How do you tell a British police officer from an Australian or American police officer?

Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

British Police Officer's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he asian or black or a muslim?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 999?
If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? ..
If I shoot him, and lose the court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home? Or prosecute me for racial abuse.

Australian Officer's Answer: BANG!

American Officer's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click'....
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?'

Gasp and behold, the balloon wot shall not poppeth

Haaazaaah, today I mostly spent the morning performing my astonishing balloon popping trick. Later on this afternoon I plan to saw something in half.

Repeat yourself much?

This is actually very difficult to watch all the way through. My medical expert in Geneva tells me that Ed Miliband might actually be a proper spastic! Creepy.